tickletoes

I relapsed last night.

A friend came over with a bottle of wine. I had one glass. Then he left. I found myself hoping he would leave the wine. He did. And an extra bottle.

My husband slept on the couch. He wanted nothing to do with me. When I tried holding his hand this morning, he told me he was so angry, it wasn't a good idea to touch him.

Why can't I do this? If I can do this, why haven't I been able to keep it going?

tickletoes

It is so frustrating. I want my husband happy with me. He told me that next time I drank like this, he was leaving to let me get my head on straight. I am terrified he is leaving me. Why did I betray his trust again? Why do I risk our relationship?

Dee74

I found there's not a lot of logic to addiction, tickletoes - I'm sorry.

I'd focus on today - what you did last night is done and no amount of remorse or beating yourself you is going to change that.

There are some things you can change tho .

I think you need a plan - you've shown you can be sober for a finite period - what are you going to do to make it a permanent move?

Think about all the recovery options open to you - you really can decide last night was your last drink

D

2granddaughters

Are you going to AA meetings, tickletoes?

All the best.

Bob R

Dalek

Perhaps it would be a good idea to tell friends not to bring bottles of wine over until you get your bearings.

tomsteve

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IndaMiricale

Learn from it and move forward.

I personally never tried to say I relapsed I dont really believe I ever did. I chose to just simply take the bottle over sobriety. A true relapse of a disease is out of my own control.

Brush yourself off and get back up.

choublak

Do you and this friend have anything in common besides drinking wine together?

choublak

Are you happy with yourself though? Because that comes first and foremost.

tickletoes

I feel so pointless these days. I called my shrink to meet up with her. But I just feel like I have no point. Which is stupid- I am a mom. Usually a pretty good one. But something still feels wrong. I don't think I am happy with myself. I am so disappointed in myself now, too. And my friend and I have been friends forever- we have a ton in common besides wine. But I thought I'd be ok if he brought it over. Ugh.

Sapling

What's your husband think about him showing up with a couple bottles of wine?

changemyway

I'm a mom, too. I know that I'm a better one when I'm not drinking. That is a big motivator for me. I wouldn't let anyone bring anything to drink over until you are more confident in your recovery. I find it's easier to not drink when I would actually have to plan drinking...driving to the store, how to occupy the kids when I'm drinking, how to recover from the drinking before I go to bed enough to function the next morning. Today is a new day, you can do this

Deserto

Tickletoes, that pointlessness is quite often a symptom of the addiction. And it will stick around if the only plan to quitting drinking is quitting drinking.

It's good you're talking to a shrink. Does he/she specialize in addiction? What else are you doing to build a community of support around your sobriety? Having such a community and working daily to reinforce your sobriety can make a big difference.

Dalek

+1

Saliena

You remind me of a woman who I knew that brought her 2 year old to her first AA meeting... and she was drinking Vodka during the whole meeting. She knew why she had to get sober. She knew she wanted to get sober.. and she just got her 6 month chip. She did it.. so can you!

Dalek

Chronic drinking sucks the life out of you, and your conscience is telling you that something needs to change, tickletoes. Listen to your conscience, and move towards changing the way you live. What do you think that "something" could be?

Anna

I drank because I felt 'less than'. The crazy thing is, drinking adds another huge problem to what was already there. And when you stop drinking, you still have to deal with the original feelings that caused you to drink. I had to take a really hard look at myself and challenge the beliefs that I had because drinking was not working for me.

So now you know it's not a good idea for someone to bring alcohol when they come to visit. This can be used to help you move forward and not make the same mistake again.

Believe in yourself and that you can do this.

Duke10

Everyone has their times when they slip in the beginning or at some point. Let yourself feel a little guilty and ashamed and then move on. This is not the end of the world. Don't drink today and keep moving on from there. Good luck. As you can see a lot of people are behind you.

tickletoes

He loves my friend. Not the wine.

tickletoes

She specializes in addiction... but it isn't alcohol addiction. It is sex addiction. But I was referred to her by my last doctor. I finally came completely clean to my mom. She knew I wasn't drinking, but I was too ashamed to tell her why. I am sick of feeling ashamed of getting better. So. She and I had a good talk. She experienced a similar epiphany when I was in elementary school and she is really supportive.