Big Book On Line
Read the first 43 pages, including the Roman Numeral pages. See if you can relate to anything.
The textbook is the first 164 pages.
I'm an alcoholic. I smoked pot, too. My alcoholism showed up in my pot use. Alcoholism has little to do with alcohol/pot. Alcohol and pot was my solution. I needed to feel okay with the world (some call it stress, whatever).
Alcoholism doesn't know functioning or non-functioning. Even those who aren't working function quite well to obtain their money for their drink/pot/whatever.
Alcoholism doesn't know wealth or status; it does not discriminate. It has no age limit.
Do you drink/smoke for the effect? Do you get a feeling of "Ahhhhhhhhhh" when it hits the spot? Do you keep drinking/smoking once you had the first drink/hit? Does it make you feel okay within your own skin?
Read that book (click on a chapter to read it--I just found out the stories are on this link, too!).
Stick around here, try not to drink/drug tonight, but if you do, it's okay. Until you find another solution, that will work for now.
I wish you sobriety!