coming_clean

dear admin,
This is no advice for others, just tools that work for ME.
However, if you think this is too much,. Notify me then I will delete the spiritual helaing part.

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using Hematite as a healingstone since yesterday...pulls me down to earth...also called the bloodstone...when pulverized it becomes bloodred...helps with detox, and negative energys and cramps....wich I have....cramped muscles...

http://crystal-cure.com/pics/egg-hematite.jpg
Hematite Meaning

My daycard is: the world
use experiences, wisdom and strenght to learn from the past, and pave the road for new experiences. on the 30th....after I decided to quit...I pulled 'the devil' ....wich is not evil...but a necessary not pleasant change.

Anyways...I slept once again 6,5 hours exact....this time I woke up with cold sweats. still I have enough energy I guess....I'm alive.

I've got a date with a girl who knows i'm in this....situation...for the rest of my life. She doesnt drink smoke do drugs whatsoever.
I've been phoning, texsting, emailing, chatting, camming for weeks now, so when using too, but I just told her on.....LOL the 1st of april i'm struggling with addiction my whole life.

I could use some comments on this...AA literature says it's not wise.
However im the type of guy that's a bad listner, and does things anyways if his hart says so...

she knows bout the detox and such..somehow she doesn't run away...but she told me never to hold back about this stuf again ....

time will tell I guess...and hopefully some of u guys too

love

Dee74

Hi CC

I remember the drive to put my past behind me and make everything in my life new and fresh and clean... but personally I don't think I was in any shape to be with anyone the first few months - I had a lot to work on, a lot to work through, and I had no idea who sober me was.

The ups and downs of any relationship are also something to watch for I think- personally I'm glad I waited a while....I'm still with the same person over 4 years later.

But...it sounds to me like you've kinda made your mind up already...so I wish you both well

D

coming_clean

well I hear ya...(seriously)

uhm...
how to put this.

i'm going to NA this evening
and....

I've read about addiction a lot, from different points of view...
The word 'love' is mentioned often as the greatest healing force ever..

and....it's just a date...
..
uhm...

I dont want to get in her pants...we're just gonna drink some tea and walk in the park.

innocent ?

RachelNorth

I know this is not connected but I have to tell someone. I am on day 2 and been on line in my lounge for last hour or so. I live in the country and my lounge has large double patio onto garden and fields. I heard birds fighting, a **** pheasant attacked another, the weaker tried to fly off but it flew straight into my window, then dropped, the other bird came and continued to beat it up! I scared other bird off but weak one has died in my garden. Mercyfully quickly, I didn't have the nerve to wring its neck. Made me cry. Even a little thing like that can set off negative thoughts about life and how hard it is. Its days like that I think, what the hell, may as well be drunk. But it isn't like that. Its harder drunk in every way. My friend is coming round soon, hopefully he'll get rid of the bird. Sad. I will be strong, I want to be sober more than anything. Thanks for listening.
J

Dee74

LOL I hear you too - but you did ask for comments, man...
you may hear a few more too

D

coming_clean

Dee74 dude I like you a lot.....
u make me laugh in a good respectfull way....
yeah man if you have some experiences or something related or unrelated
I intend on staying active here

Rachel....
Take care!!!! don't drink....booze doesn't solve anything anyway...most useless coping mechanism evolution ever designed is sedation

Dee74

I'm sorry for that Rachel - I never like scenes like that either.
I think we're a lot stronger than we think we are tho - we just have to re-acclimatise ourselves to feeling again - even the bad feelings.

feel free start your own threads here tho Rachel - you'll get more responses that way

D

RachelNorth

Hi Dee, Thanks but I can't figure how to start a thread! All I can do is reply to posts. Sad I know. I'll learn. At moment I am happy reading and learning, but would like to know how to post.

coming_clean

don't know if I can wring it's neck....I would proberly be very emotional afterwards...but the little birdie needs to rest.

Sapling

I don't know....Seems like a nice girl...Doesn't drink smoke do drugs whatsoever.....Probably innocent too....Girls like that are hard to find....Sounds like a prize to me...I'm just curious...What do you have to offer her?....Clean time?....You probably lied about that already....A good relapse history?....You can tell her about your first NA meeting as you drink your tea and walk in the park?...What do I think?....I think you should cut the bullsh!t and get your own life together before you screw somebody elses up.

coming_clean

LOl thanks...a bit harsh but hey....doesn't matter

what I got to offer her...
uhm...
good question...
I've written poetry...about 20 poems for her by now....
she has read them all.
she has called me crying in the night for advice and warmth
I send her songs of love and warmth...
we talk about movies, life, pain, humor, politics, philosofy, career, spirituality
she helped me to save a wounded pigeon at a station, by giving me an emergy number, (teamwork)
I check on her with eating, she has some problems with that
nothing too serieus but still,
she has said i make her feel beautifull
our facebook messages are around 20.000 in a few weeks time.
I made her forget her breakup....some things of her past...

At first I pushed her away saying homewrecking is not my style.

those kind of things.

I guess...

Maybe it's not enough and ur right..

dunno.

coming_clean

what I got to offer her...

I guess...

is idealistic romance
I hope its realistic too

coming_clean

she knwos about the sweats and the pain and the headaches...and...my fifth day sober..
i've told her EVERYTHING about my addictive behevirour...'about my lying...about my....f@#$3 up life...

i'm not defending right now...i'm weighing...

'I think you should cut the bullsh!t and get your own life together before you screw somebody elses up.''

you're proberly trying the navy seals method here...
but it's pretty hurtfull u know

Sapling

I hope she enjoys the poems. Good luck with your recovery.

coming_clean

I thinkk....can almost feel it...

you are very very angry with me...

why?

is it me...or something about yourself

i've found that I get mad the most....at people....that do remind me of myself

coming_clean

*ups his chin*

LOL I had this comin'

LOL

be carefull what u wish for

Sapling

That's what she should be saying...

coming_clean

I cannot stay clean if I hate myself and my disease

blind people or someone in a wheel chair accepts their handicap and find a way

Sapling

I found a way...I worked on me....At nine months I'm still working on me...I screwed enough people's lives over in my drinking career....At day five I was still in detox.....I wasn't playing the field.

BillyPilgrim

For my two pence. I told my gf. She was shocked for me it was a co#k on the block thing. If I mess up once she is off. I know that. As Mr cash says I walk the line
Seize the day. Carpe diem. You get one life. But know the consequences