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Why does everything revolve around drinking!

Old 03-29-2012, 12:25 AM
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Why does everything revolve around drinking!

So, I'm feeling good today. Very positive. Although with Easter coming up I'm now getting invitations to go to the pub, friends' houses and BBQ's etc. Maybe I should just hibernate for the bank holiday :-)
I'd be interested to hear how other people have initially coped with these situations. I don't want to get into a discussion with friends and work colleagues about the real reasons I'm giving up the booze, well not yet! I just need to be armed with some reasonable excuses why I'm not drinking.
Thoughts?
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:37 AM
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Detox, health kick, medication, weight loss.

Chances are no one will ask why you're not drinking, or only mention it in passing. If you don't draw attention to it or make a thing out of it, chances are no one else will. I only had one person ask me about not drinking. I had a huge fear about what to say when people asked me, but no one really did. Only people with drinking problems pressure others to drink. Normal drinkers don't care if you drink or not.

You could always decline invitations to drinking things for a while. "Love to come, but can't make it." No excuses needed.

I've had to move away from a few friends who drink a lot. I have no idea if they are alcoholics, but I just know they aren't good friendships for me to be in because they revolve around drinking.
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:40 AM
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Many thanks for your reply.
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:43 AM
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I stayed away from social events where I knew there'd be temptations for a while - I really wanted to make recovery my priority....

so while I wasn't a hermit, I stayed away from the party type things and I worked on myself a little...and it worked for me

I didn't go back into 'society' until I was secure in my recovery, and I knew without doubt I could stay sober in any situation.

Those few months I took off I still see as a wise investment Alfie

D
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Old 03-29-2012, 01:12 AM
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Been on three or four social things in my 77 days sober so far I found them good yes good ! Felt empowered and liberated that I did not HAVE to drink like they did , 99% of people really do not care if you are drinking or not, if you have a diet coke in your hand I find no one bothers you, had a couple ask, just say I am bored of it or just dont fancy it today..ends it straight away for me. Next day you will feel great. Iam out this Friday , picking two friends up then driving to a wine bar with them and then restaurant, just looking forward to seeing them and getting out, so cool this sober lark
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:36 AM
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Sadly TigerLili has it on the nail! In some ways thats good as they telegraph there position to you . Mentally mark them and recognise that they could be trouble for you.
I've only had support from those I told and for most I was straight about why. Some say yeah a rest is good and some seem to check if your alright,, the same you. I found being positive is what everyone needs including me, so if I can't be I won't go.
John.
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:04 AM
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I think between TigerLili and Dee's posts....That covers it totally.
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:18 AM
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I agree Sap. Very few people care whether you drink or not, infact given our joint pasts they would prefer it if we didnt, there is a much better chance of being invited back that way.
Still, I am avoiding bars, cant think why I may go back, unless to see a band
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:27 AM
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Like any typical alcoholic, I first concentrated on the one person who questioned why I was not drinking instead of the 99 of those who didn't. I eventually learned to ignore that one.
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:48 AM
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I'd agree with everything here. People don't really care, that's the thing. I mean, when you were drinking, did you care? My usual approach is to pat my stomach and go, 'Trying to lose a bit of that!' which at least has the advantage of being partly true.

One thing I've realised really recently -- like, this morning -- about these big social events is that though I now dread going to them sober, I also used to dread going to them drunk, because they usually went pear-shaped because of it. Looking back I can't actually think of a single social event at which I was drinking that there wasn't at least one sour note because of me drinking. That kind of off-the-leash, unmonitored drinking always brought out the very worst in me. I think I just have to accept that social events are not my natural habitat, either way, and move on, nothing to see here.
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Old 03-29-2012, 04:08 AM
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Hi XMarks
You are right, the thought of sitting in a noisy room full of people drinking appeals less and less. I never liked them really as a drinker, and just drank because I couldnt hear what was going on.
Sober, whats the point going I agree. Go for a walk, a day out with the family,play with the kids, read a book, sip a cup of tea. All much more interesting
Beer belly reduction is also a good excuse. Ms Billy keeps checking on my girth, but nicely enough D2 says I have moved from 9 months pregnant to 6 months pregnant.
Ominously Ms Billy has got me to mend my bike, and we are off cycling at the weekend!

Billy
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Old 03-29-2012, 04:26 AM
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Alfie I'm in same boat as you, I quit a month ago, and today been asked to go to the pub beer garden tomorrow as the weather is gorgeous! i feel quite secure at the moment with not drinking but worried I'll be so bored while everyone is drinking! I haven't made my mind up yet, but I suggest if you think going to social things will be too tough then don't go for now. But its not forever there will be a point when you think 'yes I can deal with this!' I am at that point I'm just worried of the boredom, I haven't been in this situation yet. Maybe I will take my dog with me and if I get bored I'll just wander off with my dog! Hehe. Whatever you decide to do alfie stay strong, you're doing great! X

If you don't want to talk about why you giving up and someone does comment on you not drinking you could always say you're watching your weight? I said I had a kidney infection, and low and behold I ended up with one!!! So don't say that lol. Good luck
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Old 03-29-2012, 05:11 AM
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It depends on the situation and what level of friend. For someone I don't know too well: "no thanks." For someone who knew me as a drinker: "No thanks, I quit drinking." That's it.

Very few things in life actually revolve around alcohol, it's just we have a distorted perspective and perceive every event as being an excuse to drink, since that's what it always was to us. For the few events or situations that are purely an excuse to drink I don't bother attending. I'm a non-drinker, why would I want to go somewhere where the sole purpose is to drink?
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Old 03-29-2012, 05:32 AM
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I straight up tell people where ever I go .I'm an alcoholic. can't drink but thanks. After awhile you get use to it. Like the Big Book says we can go anywhere normal men can go without thr desire to drink. I have a good time when I go out. I remember everything. I get to watch my fat a$$ brother in law who thinks he's so cool fall on hit his fat a$$. My mother in law hits on me. I was one of those people that never thought going to any event could ever be anyy fun without a pill or a beer coulkd be any fun. And how the hell am I suppose to watch college football!?!?!?! ok. That one still gets me . Cause my dad played at FSU and I was named after a tennessee Qb and they both suck on a regular basis nowmy Gog how could you not wanna drink!!!!!!You'll be ok. Just try not to think about it to much and just remember out of alllllll these people I will feel good in the morning!!!! Hope you have a good time.
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Old 03-29-2012, 05:38 AM
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oh and when they ask why aren't you drinking just say my stomachs bothering me a bit and i don't feel so hot. Might try one in a bit. But like I said I just say I'm an alcoholic. Trust me most of the time if they remember asking you and you telling them that you won't get asked again. And I'm a very youthful 38 with 6 years clean and most people say oh cool. And another thing you'll run into people that have friends that need help and family members that need help. Hell who knows? Maybe you can help somebody by saying it. I know one thing.I've helped more people than I've hurt by announcing it i promise you that.
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Old 04-03-2012, 06:33 AM
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How did you get on? I decided to avoid meeting in the pub in the end. Far too much temptation. I do have a bbq to go to this Easter weekend. I already set the scene with my friends and simply said 'I've given up drinking' simple as that really. No need to explain in more detail and I found they didn't ask 'why?' either. Maybe they prefer me sober after all! :-)
2 weeks and 1 day sober and very happy!
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Old 04-03-2012, 06:54 AM
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Originally Posted by TigerLili View Post
Only people with drinking problems pressure others to drink. Normal drinkers don't care if you drink or not.
How true!

I hung out with a lot of drinkers though.....so when I got serious about quitting for good, I got a fair amount of questions. I had dui issues, so when I said I was done drinking, most ppl understood BUT a lot of my drinking buddies didn't want to lose a drinkin' pal.....so they kinda tried to make it easy for me to "just have a couple but not drive" a lot of the time. Like Dee said, I had to kinda break things off with those guys for a while. The only way that worked was I had to tell em, "Look, I think I need to be done with this drinking stuff for good. Right now though, I need some time to get my head screwed on straight and figure some things out." At the time, I was serious about being done permanently but anytime I told any of them that......the old "well, you can drink SOME time down the road" conversation would start up and that one drove me nuts. So, with the drinking guys, I kinda told 'em the "my head's messed up, figuring things out, not drinking for now" deal. As time went on they started to figure out that the "not drinking for now" wasn't gonna end anytime soon......but by then they had some time to adjust to the new me as well.

I also did a lot of prayin' - for the strength to deal with whatever was gonna crop up, to be able to handle those situations, and to stay on the right path. That helped a lot.......even though I didn't think it would when I was prayin.
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Old 04-03-2012, 07:10 AM
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Hi Alfie,

The Easter Bank Holiday is very 'alcohol focused' over here in the UK isn't it? I'm only on Day 4 and have had a lot of invitations to drink related festivities. The first one will be this Friday and I'm going to take my car. That sorts that one out for now. As for the rest, I think a polite decline of the invitation will have to suffice for now :-)
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Old 04-03-2012, 11:41 AM
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Hi Epskie, everything seems to involve drinking in the UK. Once Easter is out of the way I have my Dad's birthday, which will entail everyone else drinking and then a holiday in May, again, which I always associate with drinking heavily. I'm trying to make plans to do different activities which don't involve drinking but it is difficult when everyone else just wants to go to the pub.
I also find myself not very tolerant of people who are drunk, which is really ironic since I have spend most of my adult life drunk! It's a bit like being an ex-smoker. I just hope to God that I manage to succeed this time. I gave up for 5 months last year and fell into the trap of ' I can control this' and 'this time I'll just drink sensibily.' Of course I couldn't. I really hope that by using this forum that when I start to convince myself that I can return to alcohol that I find the strengh and the support from SR to stay sober.
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Old 04-03-2012, 11:54 AM
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For me alfie...The one thing that summed up getting sober for me was CHANGE....That meant the people I hung around with...Places I went...Things I did. Then I found a recovery program that gave me the tools to properly deal with situations that might arise....where I need to be somewhere not ideal for me to be. Early sobriety....I had to avoid things...As I aquired these tools.....I was prepared to deal with them better. I don't go hunting down pubs or parties....But if I have to be at one for a legitimate reason....I can deal with that now.....And not worry about it.....Maybe should look into a program like that. Make some changes....That's what it's all about.
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