Terminally Unique

Personally, I didn't accept it. I don't consider myself 'an alcoholic', and anyone who labels me as such will usually be corrected. I did, however, accept that I had better never drink again, or die the hard way.

claren

Hey MsJax,
That sounds like me! I was running marathons to connvince myself I was ok. Now I can't i'm too tired all the time, and getting fat! I am guessing that is from poisoning myself all the time.
My poor husband nearly cried last night when I was wrestling with the Whisky bottle, and I really can't stand the stuff. That is bad. Ok, i'm going to start one day at a time and keep checking in here. It is hard for me to go to meetings, the family needs looking after and the husband doesn't get back until late from work. Anyone else been in that boat? And what did you do to keep yourself sober?
Thanks

claren

Hi Terminally Unique,
I like that! I feel as though I need to put a label on myself so I know where to start, but I don't need to do that. Just need to accept it is a problem and agree after giving in that it simply has to stop. Thank you for your encouraging words

jocata

I made many of those vows each morning with the horrible hangovers never to drink again. By that evening I would be drunk again. Horrible cycle. I didn't lose much to drinking except myself. I did get 3 DUIs and lost my license and freedom for a period of time in the 90s.

I was just an empty shell, just surviving. Until I finally accepted that I had a serious problem, I wasn't going to do anything about it. Now I will go to any lengths to maintain my sobriety. Life really is so much better without the booze. It takes time to get there, but it is well worth it.

God bless.

ReadyAndAble

This was my experience exactly, claren. I knew I should quit... but how would I relax at the end of the day? How would I reward myself for an accomplishment, or escape the fallout of a bad day? How could I socialize with friends? How could I fall asleep? When I imagined my future without alcohol, I saw a life of sacrifice, deprivation, and emptiness.

Wanna know a secret?

It's all a lie. It's a lie that your addiction tells you, because it wants to be fed, and it will do anything to keep you from quitting. It's BS. Nothing but smoke and mirrors. Don't believe it for a second.

It took me a while to adapt to being sober, but once I did, everything got better. Everything. The bad stuff became more manageable. The good stuff became more enjoyable. Trust me. You'll love hanging out with family and friends sober. You'll smile more. You'll sleep like a baby. Satisfied. Content.

Yes, you need to quit for your family and your health. Alcoholism is progressive, and sooner or later that high-functioning label will begin to fade, gradually erasing the distinctions between you and the worst stereotypes of an alcoholic. But this isn't simply something you should do. It's something you want to do—you just don't know it yet. You will be so incredibly grateful you took this leap of faith. Your only regret will be that you didn't do it sooner.

Do not believe the lie that your addiction is telling you. There's nothing to dread. You're not giving up anything. You're getting back everything.

Welcome to SR—and congrats on Day 1.

6palms

Claren,

I recently posted my situation under "finally admitting what I've always known" and I can relate to your question very personally!

Part of my problem is truly admitting to myself that there is a problem. I am smart (not trying to be conceated here)...so smart that I can justify EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE DONE! I have a good job and am well respected, so how bad can it be? I am still married and my kids don't hate me, so how bad can it be? The problem with being smart is that you're still smart when you're sober, so the thoughts become...how many promises can I break before my family sees me for the fake I am? How many meetings can I float through before my "competitors" crush me when I'm hung-over? How long can I continue to get drunk before I actually make a change in my life?

If you're game, I would like to start our sobriety together. I am looking for help too, and started (and broke) my quest two days ago!

YOU AND ME...STARTING ON ST. PATRICKS DAY (LET'S SEE HOW READY WE ARE!) 3/17/12 !!

I'm doing it with or without you (sorry)! The AVR website was the clincher...it makes TOO MUCH SENSE NOT TO QUIT! r u in???

6Palms

claren

Hi Surlyredhead,

Thanks for the warm support. My hangover is just going, still feel stick to the stomach and head still pounding, bet you don't miss those Tomorrow I see a therapist and try to work on staying sober this time for more than one day. If I can't then I have to think about a treatment centre, expensive and will be hard on the family, but I have to do this. Nice you put the real 'labels' on yourself, wife, friend etc... because they are the ones which keep us strong. Thanks for the warm support, it is really appreciated and I am very pleased to be connecting.

claren

Hi 6palms,

Yes, i'll be your competitor, who can stay sober longest? Does that work? I'm very competative and so I think this tack may just work, will feed my angry little ego, that feels like crap but is always mad! What is AVR?

eJoshua

Good luck to both of you --

6palms

It's actually AVRT (addictive voice recognition techique...i think) and I went to the site from another post that referenced it.

I'm hoping that (and you will see the same info on the AVRT site) that there is no loser in this contest! When you decide that you don't drink anymore, then you don't need to count the days...because you simply are not a drinker ( you wouldn't count the number of days that you haven't eaten a squirrel...because you don't eat squirrels...I hope).

I know I need to check in and I'm very competitive...as long as we are both honest, I know this would help me....what about you?


6palms

claren

Hi Sufering0606,

How are you doing? I did have done three libriun detoxes, 1 in a clinic for five days the others at home. The last was a few weeks ago so I am hoping that I have not had time to get dependent again, although I started drinking my ten day detox ended. Constant nasty nagging. Yes you are right, it is a slow suicide. I realised how bad it was when I started a new job after being at home looking after the kids. Now I have to be responsible and together, and too many mornings I go in with a hangover, as sharp as a rubber stamp. My body hurts today, it's telling me it can't handle anymore, aching, sweating, horrible hangover. Thanks for all your encouraging words, so glad I joined, feels less lonely

claren

Hi 6palms,
It has been 462 days since my last squirell stew, with one relapse
I will check that out. Yes not counting is a good thing. Right now i'm still hungover so should feel better tomorrow. How about yourself? How are you doing?
I'm read for a race !

claren

Hi Jocata,

what lengths did you go to to stay sober? Once I get to day two, i'm obsessing and just can't resist the store. I like good wine, and love cooking, so i'm lost in the evenings with that to do.... until I hit this site of course! Thanks

claren

Hi ReadyandAble,
Encouraging words. People keep saying this is progressive, but it's been crap all my life, with peaks and troughs. I think it has been so bad and I just got through it, then I would recover a little, hold back and control and then low and behold meet somone who drank more than me. That is a good one, there is always somone who drinks more, allowing me to adopt a hollier than thou attitude and remind myself somone has it worse. The reality is some of these people are dead now and some will be in the next couple of years if they don;t quit. I don;t want to join them. How did you stay sober? What did you try doing? I think the dread comes from having my crutches away, but the reality is as you have said very well is that the drinking has caused the weakness. Thanks for the support.
Yes,

Dazee

I wasn't confident when I quit. I think anyone who says so is not really understanding how hard it is to get sober. I was hopeful, desperate, and scared sh**less that I wouldn't be able to stop. Alcohol was my friend and my reward for putting up with crap the world dropped on me.

I found SR on the first day I tried to quit drinking. It was a lifeline, but not enough. I lapsed twice before I got to the point I am now (roughly 30 days, I don't count days). One thing I did was come back on here and admit when I had been drinking. When I was reviewing the posts I would note people coming back after 6 or 9 months drinking. I had sobered up for 2 months the year before and then started drinking which carried me another 9 months back to where I was. So coming here right after a bender was important if I was going to be successful although the temptation was to just disappear.

It's tough in the beginning. It gets easier. The biggest problem for me being what you would consider high functioning is that those thoughts "I really don't have a problem", or "no one would really know" would sabotage me every time. They still get in my head sometimes and I'm working hard not to listen to them.

I thought I wasn't hurting anyone but myself. Last night my husband broke down crying and told me how hard it was for him seeing me drunk all the time. So much for not hurting anyone right?

You sound like you are on the right path. Hang in there!

instant

Alcohol is an addictive subtance , like opiates. I do not worry about terminology, I wanted to be free of the torment and struggle. I work in a professional capacity, but it got to the stage drinking was costing me a higher price than I wanted to pay.

It's hard to get started and there are things to learn, but I now find it much easier to live with myself, and our family life is better.

Threshold

I had gone to a grief group several years ago to address a loss in my life. And we got a little book on the stages/steps of grief. Reading it helped me feel less crazy etc.

Acceptance is one of those steps. In the mourning process we don't move automatically through the steps in order. We may accept one day, and be fighting tooth and nail against the truth another.

but having read that book and having had that experience helps me now with working through things that are hard, or seemingly impossible to accept.

Many of us mourn our old lives, we want to hang onto the belief that we are not addicts, that in time we can have some again, etc. We will experience the same thoughts, feelings and reactions that people do when they go through any great loss in life.

Like the death of a loved one, we must move on and do what we must do even before our minds and souls are unable to fully "accept" the truth.

We have to do that with our addictions too. We have to go on without acting on them, and work through the process. Acceptance will come. Even before it comes, we have to live without the booze/drugs.

Moving on helps the acceptance come, when we realize there is life without drinking etc. If we wait till full acceptance comes before we stop drinking, or start recovery, we may kill ourselves first.

April1234

I'm at 28 days myself. THanks for wriitng these comments about your struggles and the support to the newcomer. Admitting defeat is key to me. Recently I began overdrinking about once a week and experiencing not remembering the night before and critical but loving reviews from my SO. Finally, when I woke up with a bad hangover and feelings of very unpleasant remorse and guilt, I decided to quit altogether. I no longer have reliable control over the amount I drink, so it's time to say goodbye to it. I went to a few A.A. meetings but don't care for the powerless model and theosophical beliefs, so I did a lot of research online into alternative programs. I'm now getting to know and checking in daily with Women for Sobriety -- positive affirmations, -- and SMART recovery and rational recovery models.
I'm confident I have quit -- I quit on my own for 15 years -- and that I can stay abstinant with a conscious daily clarity until, like those 15 years abstinate, I lose the habit, I lose the desire, and I'm simply not a drinker.
I'm also looking into the cause of my drinking -- that I didn't feel good, and the nutritional and exercise rememdies for that.
Already, I feel very happy that I'm not drinking and have made a committment to it!!
I hope everyone has the best of luck and committment to this!!!

claren

Hi Dazee,
I can really relate to the negative voices. Mine keeps telling me it is ok, let's just normalize by drinking, by not drinking I feel as though do I have a problem because I feel sad and strained. Nasty cycle which I hope will stop. I'm trying to work on my health, tell myself I need to stay well for my family. My husband looks hammered by it. Now h has stopped drinking he said it just isn't fun anymore watching me drink myself into oblivion. I agree not much fun, it is amazing how the brain hangs on to the good old times. Realistically they were and always be days of utter distraction. Thanks!

claren

Hi April,
Thanks, I can't get to grips with the powerless model either, it just irritated me. As I have lst control it is very important that I try and find control. I have to drive by the store, avoid alcoholic friends, control the negative voices that tell me it is ok. I'm on day two, I have hope and it is definitely helping being here! Thanks