How did you come to terms with being alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 40
Hi Threshold,
Grief concept is deep. I can see how grieving the passing of what was and how we can't have those drinking days back is helpful. My therapist told me to physically bury a bottle of wine in my garden and hold a funeral service and say goodbye. I had visions of myself in a muddy puddle digging it up with a flashlight. Says a lot doesn't it. Sometimes I think we can't ever grieve properly, that it s more the caeeof having to learn to live with the reality of what we have become. I don't know... I guess thinking changes as time goes by.
Grief concept is deep. I can see how grieving the passing of what was and how we can't have those drinking days back is helpful. My therapist told me to physically bury a bottle of wine in my garden and hold a funeral service and say goodbye. I had visions of myself in a muddy puddle digging it up with a flashlight. Says a lot doesn't it. Sometimes I think we can't ever grieve properly, that it s more the caeeof having to learn to live with the reality of what we have become. I don't know... I guess thinking changes as time goes by.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 45
It's hard for any of us to admit and accept we may have a problem. I've known in the back of my mind for ages. Only this week have I actually admitted it to myself and to another person.
I already feel better just for acknowledging it.
I already feel better just for acknowledging it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Originally Posted by claren 
Hi April,
Thanks, I can't get to grips with the powerless model either, it just irritated me. As I have lst control it is very important that I try and find control. I have to drive by the store, avoid alcoholic friends, control the negative voices that tell me it is ok. I'm on day two, I have hope and it is definitely helping being here! Thanks
Thanks, I can't get to grips with the powerless model either, it just irritated me. As I have lst control it is very important that I try and find control. I have to drive by the store, avoid alcoholic friends, control the negative voices that tell me it is ok. I'm on day two, I have hope and it is definitely helping being here! Thanks
Decide firmly you are in full control of if you drink alcohol or not, and you won't listen to any voices that tell you it is ok to drink, because you're the one in control.
That works out sometimes for reasons that don't matter to you now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 40
Thanks Langkah,
So much negative self talk when it comes to drinking, contoling just that will be a help.
Going to a charity event tomorrow with free drinks... I'm stressing out of my mind that I'll give in, it will be day thee for me, a day I rarely if ever pass. Working on overriding and pushing for control is worth a try.... I have the power!
So much negative self talk when it comes to drinking, contoling just that will be a help.
Going to a charity event tomorrow with free drinks... I'm stressing out of my mind that I'll give in, it will be day thee for me, a day I rarely if ever pass. Working on overriding and pushing for control is worth a try.... I have the power!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 90
Hi Claren,
Im doing pretty well. The cravings are still here, but not nearly as bad as the past 2 days. I really woulnt recommend trying to Detox on your own. Alcoholism is very funny, even though you had a brief break, your body may be just as addicted to it as before. Is there anyway the Dr's will give you more Librium to take home?
Im doing pretty well. The cravings are still here, but not nearly as bad as the past 2 days. I really woulnt recommend trying to Detox on your own. Alcoholism is very funny, even though you had a brief break, your body may be just as addicted to it as before. Is there anyway the Dr's will give you more Librium to take home?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Welcome claren!
Great shares here and ready and able put it so well.
I am a high functioning type or at least I thought so. I had feelings of dread about giving up my friend. The book that Changed things for me is Caroline knapps "Drinking: a love story." She held up a mirror of a good job on the outside and a shambles on my insides.
I am a year sober and I am achieving dreams, and I feel good every day
Glad you are here! Join the monthly thread for march 2012 if you like. The gratitude thread are full of hope and experience and have helped me a lot
Great shares here and ready and able put it so well.
I am a high functioning type or at least I thought so. I had feelings of dread about giving up my friend. The book that Changed things for me is Caroline knapps "Drinking: a love story." She held up a mirror of a good job on the outside and a shambles on my insides.
I am a year sober and I am achieving dreams, and I feel good every day
Glad you are here! Join the monthly thread for march 2012 if you like. The gratitude thread are full of hope and experience and have helped me a lot
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
My Dad was an alcoholic and I knew I was one the first time I drank. It made this shy female the life of the party! (16 year old girl from Kansas goes to NYC to study the United Nations with a college group, drinks for the first time, ends up at a jazz bar in Greenwich Village in the middle of the night. I don't remember most of it, but I think I had a real good time.) It went downhill slowly from there....then picked up speed...a lot of speed. Ugh.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 226
Originally Posted by Terminally Unique
Personally, I didn't accept it. I don't consider myself 'an alcoholic', and anyone who labels me as such will usually be corrected. I did, however, accept that I had better never drink again, or die the hard way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by claren
Hi Jocata,
what lengths did you go to to stay sober? Once I get to day two, i'm obsessing and just can't resist the store. I like good wine, and love cooking, so i'm lost in the evenings with that to do.... until I hit this site of course! Thanks
what lengths did you go to to stay sober? Once I get to day two, i'm obsessing and just can't resist the store. I like good wine, and love cooking, so i'm lost in the evenings with that to do.... until I hit this site of course! Thanks
I go to meetings everyday. Sometimes two a day. I talk to my sponsor everyday. I'm am on SR everyday. After I was two months sober I checked myself into an alcohol and mental health treatment center because of anxiety and depression. If I didn't go and do something about the mental stuff, I probably would have drank. My sponsor and my wife are going to give me random drug tests. I am totally for this by the way. Just another way of keeping me accountable.
If I had to stand on my head in the middle of a stampede of buffalo to stay clean and sober, I would do it. Any lengths.
God bless.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
An intrinsic part of this disorder is unfortunately denial, the lack of clarity. Many of us have preconceptions about what is an 'alcoholic'. Take a look around though, and you'll see that alcoholism doesn't discriminate, it affects people from all walks of life, levels of intelligence, position in society.
When despite everything I was unable to moderate my intake reliably, I accepted that I was an alcoholic. I was in my mid thirties and wanted to start taking better care of myself, I of course am now aware that damage from alcoholism can start a lot sooner in sooner.
Most people have a switch in their brains that tells them when enough is enough and it's time to stop. I lost my 'off switch' a long time ago, it's not likely that I'll ever have it again.
Somebody reminded me in a recent thread, it pays to listen to the similarities, things you can relate to in the stories rather than the differences. But knowing you are an alcoholic is an inner conviction and I think has to be more than an intellectual realization - I wasn't really suffering externally but alcoholism was crushing my spirit, I seemed hell bent on destroying myself but at some point the survival instinct seemed to kick in and win out.
When despite everything I was unable to moderate my intake reliably, I accepted that I was an alcoholic. I was in my mid thirties and wanted to start taking better care of myself, I of course am now aware that damage from alcoholism can start a lot sooner in sooner.
Most people have a switch in their brains that tells them when enough is enough and it's time to stop. I lost my 'off switch' a long time ago, it's not likely that I'll ever have it again.
Somebody reminded me in a recent thread, it pays to listen to the similarities, things you can relate to in the stories rather than the differences. But knowing you are an alcoholic is an inner conviction and I think has to be more than an intellectual realization - I wasn't really suffering externally but alcoholism was crushing my spirit, I seemed hell bent on destroying myself but at some point the survival instinct seemed to kick in and win out.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 40
Hi Michelle,
Denial, that intrisic part which keeps feeding the preservation of the alcohol self. I'm trying to work out why it is I understand a lot practically, or through intellectualization but fail to find that intrinsic need to stop. I'm trying to find it badly, waiting for a revelation f some sort? My determinism is constantly wilted by a three second memory of being happy while drunk once. It constantly amazes me how much self deluded crap I come out with. Friday night and second night sober, anxiety, nausea and headache.
Thanks for your post
Denial, that intrisic part which keeps feeding the preservation of the alcohol self. I'm trying to work out why it is I understand a lot practically, or through intellectualization but fail to find that intrinsic need to stop. I'm trying to find it badly, waiting for a revelation f some sort? My determinism is constantly wilted by a three second memory of being happy while drunk once. It constantly amazes me how much self deluded crap I come out with. Friday night and second night sober, anxiety, nausea and headache.
Thanks for your post
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 40
Hi Suffering,
Glad your cravings are a little better. If I feel bad tomorrow I will call him. I did have a break, and although started drinking again immediately after finishing the Librium it has been quite intense. I was hoping that ten day break would be enough, but since then been drinking bizarrely, more frantically. I guess this is the stopping and starting drinking?
Glad your cravings are a little better. If I feel bad tomorrow I will call him. I did have a break, and although started drinking again immediately after finishing the Librium it has been quite intense. I was hoping that ten day break would be enough, but since then been drinking bizarrely, more frantically. I guess this is the stopping and starting drinking?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 40
Thanks Frances. Congrats on 1 year sobber and for achieving your dreams that is very inspirational. I had a crap meeting for work today, got pounded by two therapists. I feel crappy anyhow and fuzzy from stopping drinking. Hard not run out and buy a bottle to calm down. Thanks for helping my motivation
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 40
Hi jocata
Sounds like you have good support, that is great and good for you checking in and sorting out the psychological issues. It is becoming clear why I started drinking and those feelings I had at fourteen are still with me. Getting sober means growing up for me.
You have great determinism thanks for sharing it.
Sounds like you have good support, that is great and good for you checking in and sorting out the psychological issues. It is becoming clear why I started drinking and those feelings I had at fourteen are still with me. Getting sober means growing up for me.
You have great determinism thanks for sharing it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 40
Hi Tobo,
I'm hoping I will soon! I'm trying, but the pennies not dropping. Maybe it doesn't maybe I'm just clutching at straws. Maybe I'm just trying to find an easy way out and it doesn't exist. Do you want to come to terms with it? Thankd
I'm hoping I will soon! I'm trying, but the pennies not dropping. Maybe it doesn't maybe I'm just clutching at straws. Maybe I'm just trying to find an easy way out and it doesn't exist. Do you want to come to terms with it? Thankd
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Claren and welcome!
I had a hard time accepting I was an alcoholic, too, even though I knew it intellectually and had all the facts to back it up. I just didn't "feel" like an alcoholic (whatever that means!). I have no problem accepting it today - it just takes time before the insane logic starts to fade.
Those first few days are strange (and LONG!) - I spent most of the time camped out here reading in order to drown out the protests in my head. Be patient with yourself and take it an hour (or 5 minutes) at a time. I never thought I could do it (or even wanted to) but one the best days ever was when I realized I'd gone all morning and afternoon without even thinking about a drink.
Glad you're here!
I had a hard time accepting I was an alcoholic, too, even though I knew it intellectually and had all the facts to back it up. I just didn't "feel" like an alcoholic (whatever that means!). I have no problem accepting it today - it just takes time before the insane logic starts to fade.
Those first few days are strange (and LONG!) - I spent most of the time camped out here reading in order to drown out the protests in my head. Be patient with yourself and take it an hour (or 5 minutes) at a time. I never thought I could do it (or even wanted to) but one the best days ever was when I realized I'd gone all morning and afternoon without even thinking about a drink.
Glad you're here!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Claren
I would NOT accept I was an alkie...period.
.....mostly, I had some odd beliefs about what an alcoholic was and since I didn't fit into that mold, voila, I'm not an alcoholic.
In AA though, I learned what their definition of alcoholic and alcoholism has been for the past 75+ years and darn-it......I fit into their definition. LOL Considering it's AA, it's probably pretty safe to assume they know what alcoholism is and isn't yanno?
Getting hooked up with a bunch of local real-live ppl who I could get to know and who could get to know me was a HUGE help. Kinda the "it takes a village" approach......only it was for raising ME.
Treating alcoholic drinking doesn't have to be a struggle. Treating alcoholism doesn't have to be a struggle. In fact, it's quite simple......just not always what you're gonna "want" to do. I found a solution to not only my drinking problem but to 99% of my life's problems in AA.
Sure, it's a "not drinking" kinda club.......but it's sooooooooooooooooo much more. It's a way of life that I've found to be wholly superior to anything else I've heard of or tried. Would love to give you a hand if you're interested.
I would NOT accept I was an alkie...period.
.....mostly, I had some odd beliefs about what an alcoholic was and since I didn't fit into that mold, voila, I'm not an alcoholic.
In AA though, I learned what their definition of alcoholic and alcoholism has been for the past 75+ years and darn-it......I fit into their definition. LOL Considering it's AA, it's probably pretty safe to assume they know what alcoholism is and isn't yanno?
Getting hooked up with a bunch of local real-live ppl who I could get to know and who could get to know me was a HUGE help. Kinda the "it takes a village" approach......only it was for raising ME.
Treating alcoholic drinking doesn't have to be a struggle. Treating alcoholism doesn't have to be a struggle. In fact, it's quite simple......just not always what you're gonna "want" to do. I found a solution to not only my drinking problem but to 99% of my life's problems in AA.
Sure, it's a "not drinking" kinda club.......but it's sooooooooooooooooo much more. It's a way of life that I've found to be wholly superior to anything else I've heard of or tried. Would love to give you a hand if you're interested.
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