How do you deal with the regret?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3
So last night did not go so well, I drank. I have all you people supporting me and I can't even go 3 full days. I just don't know what happened. I was/am so motivated to do this but my routine is so deeply ingrained. Wine in the evening is such a sense of relief for me, I spend most of my day just waiting to get to 5 o'clock so I can drink and feel some relief.
I don't want to give up, right now all I want to do is have a drink, but I am forcing myself to write this post, but I know I am going to have a drink tonight. How wrong is that? I feel like I am wasting everyone's time here .......
Hector - love your line about the future ---> "No matter what your past looks like, your future is spotless." That's great. ...
CaiHong---> Your post gave such encouragement. I am so happy you have found something that makes you love the start of new day. Congrats on 9 months!!! I wish you all the best with your new restaurant!!
Hevyn - "Try not to take on too many problems at once." That's great advice. When I don't drink, all I think about are the regrets and remorse and how the hell am I going to get out of this mess... I just think too much and about a million different things all in a negative way... I need to heed your advice and just have one main goal or objective (thought) and that is sobriety. When my thoughts veer elsewhere, I just have to let myself believe that all will work out if I can just stay sober long enough (Like CaiHong). And like you said, I have to LEARN to live again without alcohol.
I actually was able to twice before, once for 5 years and once for 1 year. Both times I stopped on a dime, no AA, no AVRT, one day I just woke up and stopped, that was it, no thinking about it... I just stopped. It was because my life situations were so positive (5 years was when I first met my husband and 1 year was when I was in school earning my second bachelors degree). Both those times I was confident about myself and things seemed so hopeful for the future. But now my life situation is dreadful and I only have this one outlet of relief. So you're right Hevyn - I need to LEARN how to make myself feel confident and hopeful for the future once again.... I just can't figure that out right now.
This writing thing is really therapeutic!! Anna ---> I will start journaling and writing down my negative thoughts and see how that goes.... great advice, I hope it works for me, thoughts out of my head and onto paper. I so desperately want these thoughts out of my head.
Congratulations Sugarbear1 on 10 months!!!! It so nice to know someone my age is working on sobriety just like me.
ReadyAndAble ---> "gratitude is the surefire cure for regret" Very wise, I need to LEARN to practice gratitude in everything I do. I need to LEARN to look for the opportunities that are probably all around me but I am too negative to see them. I also need to LEARN to be honest, that is a tough one, but I think you're right RAA, that is the Key to my recovery at this point right now.
My husband just got home --- I have to go now.
Everyone!!!!
I don't want to give up, right now all I want to do is have a drink, but I am forcing myself to write this post, but I know I am going to have a drink tonight. How wrong is that? I feel like I am wasting everyone's time here .......
Hector - love your line about the future ---> "No matter what your past looks like, your future is spotless." That's great. ...
CaiHong---> Your post gave such encouragement. I am so happy you have found something that makes you love the start of new day. Congrats on 9 months!!! I wish you all the best with your new restaurant!!
Hevyn - "Try not to take on too many problems at once." That's great advice. When I don't drink, all I think about are the regrets and remorse and how the hell am I going to get out of this mess... I just think too much and about a million different things all in a negative way... I need to heed your advice and just have one main goal or objective (thought) and that is sobriety. When my thoughts veer elsewhere, I just have to let myself believe that all will work out if I can just stay sober long enough (Like CaiHong). And like you said, I have to LEARN to live again without alcohol.
I actually was able to twice before, once for 5 years and once for 1 year. Both times I stopped on a dime, no AA, no AVRT, one day I just woke up and stopped, that was it, no thinking about it... I just stopped. It was because my life situations were so positive (5 years was when I first met my husband and 1 year was when I was in school earning my second bachelors degree). Both those times I was confident about myself and things seemed so hopeful for the future. But now my life situation is dreadful and I only have this one outlet of relief. So you're right Hevyn - I need to LEARN how to make myself feel confident and hopeful for the future once again.... I just can't figure that out right now.
This writing thing is really therapeutic!! Anna ---> I will start journaling and writing down my negative thoughts and see how that goes.... great advice, I hope it works for me, thoughts out of my head and onto paper. I so desperately want these thoughts out of my head.
Congratulations Sugarbear1 on 10 months!!!! It so nice to know someone my age is working on sobriety just like me.
ReadyAndAble ---> "gratitude is the surefire cure for regret" Very wise, I need to LEARN to practice gratitude in everything I do. I need to LEARN to look for the opportunities that are probably all around me but I am too negative to see them. I also need to LEARN to be honest, that is a tough one, but I think you're right RAA, that is the Key to my recovery at this point right now.
My husband just got home --- I have to go now.
Everyone!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
You need some sort of plan and support structure, if you are going to escape the daily wine dive. Otherwise you are just subtracting something without adding in anything to replace it, and you will fill that vacuum with wine again and again.
It might help to change a whole lot of things: your daily routine, your commitment to exercise, your diet and nutrition, your pastimes.
In addition, wash every sheet and curtain in the house and re-arrange the furniture. The idea is: a new phase of life, a new life really.
You also need to talk to your husband. I would guess he knows already and is being silently torn to shreds over it. You two got married for a reason and "in sickness and in health" may have been a part of the ceremony. If he was hiding a big life problem you'd be hurt and angry, correct?
Throw out the wine and don't go back to where you bought it, if you can possibly avoid it.
REGRET (df): what all people feel who have lived any length of time. No Matter What. So just forget about it. Don't write down negative thoughts - kick them out; you don't have time for them. There is something positive you should be doing instead - find it and do it.
It might help to change a whole lot of things: your daily routine, your commitment to exercise, your diet and nutrition, your pastimes.
In addition, wash every sheet and curtain in the house and re-arrange the furniture. The idea is: a new phase of life, a new life really.
You also need to talk to your husband. I would guess he knows already and is being silently torn to shreds over it. You two got married for a reason and "in sickness and in health" may have been a part of the ceremony. If he was hiding a big life problem you'd be hurt and angry, correct?
Throw out the wine and don't go back to where you bought it, if you can possibly avoid it.
REGRET (df): what all people feel who have lived any length of time. No Matter What. So just forget about it. Don't write down negative thoughts - kick them out; you don't have time for them. There is something positive you should be doing instead - find it and do it.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Originally Posted by dawnrunner 
It might help to change a whole lot of things: your daily routine, your commitment to exercise, your diet and nutrition, your pastimes.
In addition, wash every sheet and curtain in the house and re-arrange the furniture. The idea is: a new phase of life, a new life really.
In addition, wash every sheet and curtain in the house and re-arrange the furniture. The idea is: a new phase of life, a new life really.
My whole life became arranged around drinking, so the only way I was able to stay sober was to rearrange my life around sobriety. Mind you, this was after many many failed attempts at sobriety. Just because you drank again doesn't mean it's over, it means you flubbed up and now it's time to try again with a different strategy, and perhaps a more drastic approach.
Best wishes,
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Foster -
Believe me, we know how hard it is and you're not wasting anyone's time by being here. I think we can all relate to your post...... When I first started reading on this forum, I was terrified to even consider the reality of giving up alcohol. In the end, I just couldn't take the anxiety and depression anymore - the more I drank the worse it got.
Keep reading and posting - you'll find that many, many of us have similar issues and stories as yourself. It really will get better.....:ghug3
Believe me, we know how hard it is and you're not wasting anyone's time by being here. I think we can all relate to your post...... When I first started reading on this forum, I was terrified to even consider the reality of giving up alcohol. In the end, I just couldn't take the anxiety and depression anymore - the more I drank the worse it got.
Keep reading and posting - you'll find that many, many of us have similar issues and stories as yourself. It really will get better.....:ghug3
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Foster..... I can ID with most of what you wrote. Crappy place to be in your head, I know...I've been there.
All I can share that carries any weight is my experience and it's this: stopping drinking helped the sorts of problems you've described but it didn't change them or necessarily change me enough to take care of them. That's where the AA program fits though.....it brings about a massive set of changes...especially "inside."
Hell, one of my sponsees a year ago had dumped his girlfriend (also his son's mom), moved back in with his folks, bought a motorcycle and had just relapsed. A year later........he's got a lot of sobriety time, he's working on cleaning up some amends and has finished ALL the other steps. He fell back in love with "her" and she with him, they got married, have another child on the way and just bought a new house. None of that would even mean all that much to me cuz I've seen ppl try to fix relationships by getting married or by having kids.......but these two are truly in love. He's learned, through AA, to look at her and the relationship from an entirely different angle...... AA's about 10-15% "not drinking" and the rest is about living life successfully and happily (imo).
If you're willing, I think you'll find solutions there to those problems, just as I have.
All I can share that carries any weight is my experience and it's this: stopping drinking helped the sorts of problems you've described but it didn't change them or necessarily change me enough to take care of them. That's where the AA program fits though.....it brings about a massive set of changes...especially "inside."
Hell, one of my sponsees a year ago had dumped his girlfriend (also his son's mom), moved back in with his folks, bought a motorcycle and had just relapsed. A year later........he's got a lot of sobriety time, he's working on cleaning up some amends and has finished ALL the other steps. He fell back in love with "her" and she with him, they got married, have another child on the way and just bought a new house. None of that would even mean all that much to me cuz I've seen ppl try to fix relationships by getting married or by having kids.......but these two are truly in love. He's learned, through AA, to look at her and the relationship from an entirely different angle...... AA's about 10-15% "not drinking" and the rest is about living life successfully and happily (imo).
If you're willing, I think you'll find solutions there to those problems, just as I have.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Foster - Our time is not wasted. You came here to talk about your struggle, and you were honest. You could have pretended everything was fine, but you didn't. We're here to help you launch this thing 
- no matter what obstacles there may be.
After I joined SR it was 5 months before I actually quit! So never feel that you're alone when things don't go as planned. (I now have over 4 yrs., so I got there eventually - and you will too.)
Keep going - we're all behind you.
- no matter what obstacles there may be.After I joined SR it was 5 months before I actually quit! So never feel that you're alone when things don't go as planned. (I now have over 4 yrs., so I got there eventually - and you will too.)
Keep going - we're all behind you.
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