Wellness

I’m not hung over but feel like crap. I just wished I could go like my husband and never want a drink. I go through the week days (well Monday to Thursday) not drinking but every weekend I find myself having up to 4 glasses if not 5 of wine a night. On Sunday, I was cooking up a storm and drank a whole bottle of wine to myself. Today is Tuesday and I still feel like crap. I hate myself. I was on this great program. I had people complimenting how good I looked and that I had a glow. I could see and feel the glow. This morning I woke up and my face is still puffy, I look like crap and feel like crap. What’s it going to take for me to get it!! I’m such an idiot!!

desertsong

You're not an idiot ... you're an alcoholic. Don't beat yourself up. What are you going to do about it though? Hey, I've been on a weeklong bender after 2 months of sober time. Duh. When am *I* going to get it? lol We're in this together. Don't give up on yourself. Do you have a sober plan this time around? That's what I had to examine and think about ...

Sapling

Welcome Wellness...You don't need to beat yourself up for it..We've all done it..Take that energy and use it to finding a way to get better...There are some good Recovery Programs you can use and it's time to start thinking in that direction..Do a little reading around here...Ask questions..You'll get answers from people that have been there...Glad you are here...That's a good start..

Anna

Hi Wellness,

I think it's easy to fall into the downward spiral of blaming yourself and feeling worse than ever, and then drinking again. I did that so many times. Of course, you need to use the experience to learn, but do move on and focus on recovery.

least

Get up, brush yourself off, and try again. I kept self-destructing too but eventually 'got it' and am now sober over two years. You can do this. Don't give up.

justhadenough

Hi

I understand. I started on 3 Jan and did ok till mid Feb when things just unravelled and I was drinking 2-3 glasses regularly. Starting again now. I would echo what others have said about what you planning on doing differently this time. There are lost of different programs and hopefully you will find one that suits you and will enable you to beat this.

sarah1414

Wellness, I'm right there with you. I can relate to your feelings but like the others have said, don't beat yourself up. Come on over and join the March class (I just did) and let's beat our wine addiction.

LivingfreeD

I have been sober over 5 yrs now, but I struggled to get sober for over 20 yrs to get there, you are not alone! What did it for me was reading Rational Recovery, I know that AA is the route most go, and that is fantastic (I gave up judging a long time ago, who the heck am I to judge?) but there are many ways to sobriety, and whatever works, is fabulous, keep a postive attitude, and KNOW if you want this it WILL happen! namaste friend

Dee74

Welcome back wellness
You're not an idiot - you're just like the rest of us

Maybe it's time to accept you just can't drink like other people do and that you can't drink without those consequences we all hate?

That was really the turning point for me.

Have you any ideas about what you could do differently this time?

D

Dee74

Welcome to SR LivingfreeD - from another living free Dee

D

LadyNoBinge

You are not an idiot! Thank you for posting, it is very brave to reach out, especially when you feel down on yourself. I used to be like that too- weekend warrior! It is the pits, it is so self-destructive. So it doesn't sound like stopping is your issue, it is the staying stopped. I agree with pp, no alcohol in the house! How about AA? Please take good care of yourself xo

2granddaughters

Are you going to AA meetings?

Bob

jocata

For me to "get it" I had to change almost everything. Reach out for help, work a recovery program, change my thinking, my actions, my friends. Very awkward at first, but it pays untold dividends.

God bless.

jocata

I also had to make the decision to get honest with myself, and realize that I can't drink, socially or otherwise.

God bless.

DayTrader

I WANTED to be like others too. My best drinking-buddy-friend drank just as much as me (LOOOTS) an he was able to just slow it down / shut if off. He just "stopped." Me......I couldn't stop. I'd plan to, decide to, promise myself I wouldn't, "think through the drink," you name it......... but I'd allllllways be back at it - usually pretty darn quickly.

I didn't "like" accepting that I'm an alcoholic - bodily different from other "normal" drinkers - but I had no choice. Not-accepting it sure as heck wasn't working.... the guilt, shame and self hatred from repeated failures was too painful to live with.

Once I could accept that I was an alcoholic, it made sense that I'd probably have to do things a little different from the non-alkies (just like a left-hander does things a little differently from a right-hander......or a tall person does things a little differently than a short person).

Like me, you're going to have to make some adjustments if you want to get and stay sober for good. I found AA, the 12-steps, and started making the adjustments the program suggests. Not only did it take care of my drinking problem.......it's cleaned up a LOT of other "issues" as well. --that was a nice unexpected bonus.

wheresthefun

Accepting that you can never drink alcohol again, and being okay with that decision.

langkah

Why not surround yourself with people who know what to do about this, and follow their suggestions?

If you don't know how to do it, then beating yourself up for not having that knowledge yet is wasted time when you could be using that time learning something valuable.

If not now, then it may be something to consider later on...

Wellness

Thank you EVERYONE for taking the time to reach out to me. I read each and every reply...word for word and can't thank you enough for your honesty. The one that hit me the most was the very first posting from Desertsong...."You're not an idiot ... you're an alcoholic." Wow...no one has ever said that to me...I've never said that I'm an alcoholic. I've been saying that I sometimes have a drinking problem. I am so afraid to admit that I'm an alcoholic because that would mean I can never have a drink ever again. I am struggling big time......

justhadenough

Hi Wellness
I don't get too hung up on titles and labels. I don't call myself an alcoholic. I have a serious drink problem and when I start to drink I can't stop and may do bad things which I regret. so for me drinking is something that brings bad consequences and I am not happy with that. Plus getting older now and it is taking a physical toll on my health. The ONLY answer for me is to stop drinking completely in order to lead a better life

langkah

'I am so afraid to admit that I'm an alcoholic because that would mean I can never have a drink ever again.'

It's the opposite of that in working this out. Once you get you are the real thing then your search for an effective solution can begin. People who don't identify what their problem is, live in it and suffer from it for often the balance of their shortened lifetimes.

If you don't have the problem, of what possible use or interest to you is the solution to that problem?

I haven't drank for a very long time by doing all the AA stuff. If we do share a problem perhaps that's now of interest to you.