Lily

Welcome Vanpool! I too am a mom and recovery has done wonders for my marriage and my 8 yr old son!

Lily

jocata

Welcome to SR!

I'm a dad of three and my addictions most certainly interfered with my ability to be a good father and a husband. It hindered my ability to be much of anything but a drunk and a stoner.

I tried to moderate many, many times. But I always ended up getting toasted every time. I find it's much easier not to drink at all.

The first days are tough. You can do it though. Many people here have.

God bless.

FlyerFan

Spouse/partner support is the most important kind of support. If he is willing to stop drinking as well in order to support you then that is even better.

When i quit my boyfriend and I removed all the booze from the house and niether of us drinks at all now

foodie1

Welcome vanpol!

vanpol

Thank you everyone for your support. God knows I need it for long term success. I am on Day 2. Did not sleep well last night without the support of wine or sleeping pills. I am feeling incredibly anxious - hope it goes away soon because it sucks.
My husband says that he will support me. The problem is he agrees I should be drinking less, but doesn't think I have a physical dependency. He just doesn't know all of it. He works long hours and often back home when I am already asleep so he doesn't realize how much/often I actually used to drink.
I am very functional (for now, hopefully I stopped on time) having a good job, two sons, hobbies.. but I feel that if I keep going down this road I will loose what I value so much..
So here I am - anxious and depressed - but I admit it now - alcohol is stronger then I am. I can not drink in moderation, I should not be drinking at all if I want to keep my life and not hurt the people that I love so so much.
When you stop drinking and anxiety kicks in when does it start easing up? Are there ways to speed the process along?

doggonecarl

Withdrawal is a little different for each person. Not that I was terribly anxious, but it didn't last over a week that I recall. I know of no way to speed the process up. But I know a way to prolong it...by drinking.

So hang tough, you can do this.

tomdecel

The old mantra of "one day at a time" works for a lot, but embracing sobriety as a way of life can be something to get excited about. You go where your mind goes. You may feel like c**p right now, but just keep focusing on how great and wonderful your life will be without the misery of addiction. Focus on a bright tomorrow.

thekat

It is different for everyone, I know it took a few days for the anxiety to stop for me, but hang in there because it will get easier. And really good on you for making the decision to stop, the first step is often the hardest to make.
You will find tonnes of support here, we have all been through this and some still going through it, keep posting, I found the support on here always keeps me going! xxxxx

vanpol

OK, quick update on day 2 - major anxiety for most of the day. At least the foggy feeling in my brain is not there anymore, so I was actually able to get quite a lot done at work. By the time I got home anxiety seemed to lift for a while so was able to get some quality time with kids, but now that they are asleep and I feel like a had a good and productive day some major craving for a nice drink or two is creeping in. So I have decided to come here and write about it rather then actually drink.
I had another idea - did any of you guys try non-alocholic beer? I had it during pregnancy - seemed to work great actually. I would bring it with me to parties, so I did not feel left out when people were drinking and also early on in pregnancy did not have to explain to people why I am not drinking...
I am thinking it might just help...

sickofliquor

i stopped drinking (and i was drinking heavily) 6 months ago and was miserable (anxiety, depression) the whole time, so i decided i wasnt alcoholic and gave "controlled drinking" another try....... it was hell. i'm now 4 days sober and my anxiety is just as it always has been... i decided to talk to my doctor to prescribe anxiety meds, they havent kicked in yet, it takes weeks, but i'd been on them before. they dont take away all the anxiety, but definitely took the edge off at least a little, it seemed. everyone reacts differently to psych meds. but i would also recommend going to aa meetings and doing what they suggest, i still havent gotten the hang of the program, but hear it works wonders good luck!

doggonecarl

Beer was my poison, so drinking NA beer would just be teasing my brain cells, which would then start crying out for the real thing.

I'm not sure what kind of "help" you hope to get from non-alcoholic beer. It's not going to reduce your cravings, they may even make it worse. I drank a lot of selzer. The carbonation helped me.

Hang in there.

vanpol

You might be right and it might just make things worse. my concern is when I go to parties or any sort of events serving alcohol. I would always be drinking alcohol, so if I refuse drinks people would keep pushing... I don't think that telling them that I 'quit' would work - I was drinking by myself, so most people did not know I have a problem with alcohol. I am afraid that if they keep pushing I might just give in to the temptation. I am like many it seems often see it as a reward for myself.
How do you guys handle social events? Any suggestions?

BillyPilgrim

Welcome Vanpol, I let my daughters down with my drinking. I have found out the hard way that I cant drink. I find this site very useful as a support and encouragement forum. People are helpful and always ready to talk.

BillyPilgrim

Vanpol , looking at the last post about beer, I think I agree with doggone, I am not sure that non alky beer may work. In my experience, it makes you think you can drink a real beer. I now realise I cant drink at all. I have told those close to me, why I am not. They will support me at parties and make sure that beer or wine doesnt pass my way. That said, I do like the value red grape juice from Tesco (a UK supermarket) it reminds me of rough red wine, and has the benefit of being good for me!!!
The one thing you have to remember is no alcohol. Simple rule, hard to learn.

lhenderson

Welcome you made a wise decision. Give yourself a chance. We are here for you.

doggonecarl

I didn't go to any social event that I thought would make me drink. None. These are "events" nothing more. The world will continue to spin if you don't go. So, until you get stronger in your recovery, I suggest you pass on events where drinking is the main diversion.

And when you do go to these event where there is alcohol, just say, no thanks. No explanation is needed. I don't think people will push drinks on you as much as you think.

If they do, get new acquaintances.

saphira

I was a hard alcohol type of gal, so I don't have much experience with non-alcoholic beer or regular beer for that matter. My brother, however, went crazy for non-alcoholic beer when he quit drinking. Huge quantities. His brain was still in the addictive mode, so he didn't get very far in recovery. I'd say it's a slippery slope... just my opinion.

You are doing such a great thing for your children! I have an 8-year-old son and I am such a better mother when I am sober. He reacts differently to me as well. I think it's the best thing you could do for your kids and you! Great job!

vanpol

I see what you are saying, but some event i will not be able to pass by. Like family ones. In both mine and my husbands family even though no one would get drunk it is customary to get 2-3-4 glasses of wine with a nice long BBQ dinner or birthday party potentially followed by an after party cocktail or two. Trust me, they would get very inquiry if all of a sudden I don't drink at all. Like when I was pregnant and we were not ready to share the news with the family I still let them pour me wine, but didn't drink it, just brought it to my lips - the figured it out right away!!! and when my husband decided not to drink at all during my other pregnancy to keep me company - he met a lot of resistance from his family. they would get offended that he 'would not even take a shot to his dad's health for is birthday'.
I guess it's a cultural thing. and again, I can't just say I have a drinking problem - they will not believe me, and I am not about to start telling everyone about the detail of it and how low I fell with regards to my drinking...
so I am still not sure how to go about this... any advise would be appreciated..
Can I come up with some sort of medical reason? Like High Blood pressure, so the doc advised me to cut the drinking?

tomdecel

This is about you, not them. Do they tell you what to wear? what to eat? what to drink? The only way I was able to beat this is by getting enthusiastic about the prospect of living a life free of alcohol dependance. Don't mean to be rude but unless you embrace sobriety full time, your chances of making it are pretty slim. You need to get your mind into the mode that continuous alcohol use is not for you. Get excited about your new lifestyle. Screw the rest. You can do it.

tomdecel

Delete double post.