sobriety hindered by past infidelity - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-21-2012, 08:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Fairfax, VA
Posts: 3

sobriety hindered by past infidelity


Hi! I am new to this forum. I have been sober for 10 1/2 months and feel like I have a pretty good program underway. After being sober for a little over 2 months my wife confessed she had been haveing an affair with the neighbor acorss the street! I was crushed and came so close to drinking but my H.P. was really looking out for me. I have grown and learned and feel like I am working a dual program: one in AA and the other through marriage counselling and individual counselling. The guy was a long time drinking buddy and then an enemy and now the guy I have pure hatred for. I wish he would die a slow and painful death which he sort of is since he too is alcoholic. Anyway, I could go on longer but what I am looking forward is guidance to dealing with the resentment and moving on to healthier thinking.
robz is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to robz For This Useful Post:
aasharon90 (01-21-2012), eJoshua (01-21-2012), GoMan (01-21-2012), IndaMiricale (01-21-2012), instant (01-21-2012), Luckyv2 (01-21-2012), Marius76 (01-21-2012), nexttime (01-21-2012), ReadyAndAble (01-21-2012), steelmagnolia (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 08:56 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: casablanca
Posts: 200
I think that your resentment and anger is totally normal and anyone would've fell the way you do. I think by coming here and sharing, you not drinking over it or even not doing something that would put you in even worst situation such as jail for instance shows that you are working a good program. I am impressed by the way you handled this one. hope someone could provide any guidance on how you could deal with this.
shakeel is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to shakeel For This Useful Post:
IndaMiricale (01-21-2012), instant (01-21-2012), Luckyv2 (01-21-2012), nexttime (01-21-2012), ReadyAndAble (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 09:03 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Marius76's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Oslo, Norway
Posts: 147
Oh my gosh Robz, I just posted saying I wanted to drink again cos I was bored, that really isn't an excuse and I feel daft for posting it after reading this.

You must beat those demons and not give in, I certainly won't. Sending you the very best wishes, be strong and rise above it all.
Marius76 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Marius76 For This Useful Post:
IndaMiricale (01-21-2012), instant (01-21-2012), Luckyv2 (01-21-2012), nexttime (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 09:28 AM   #4 (permalink)
Powerless over Alcohol
 
IndaMiricale's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Congrats on using your tools to keep from using that bottle.

Sorry to hear about your wife and neighbor. But it sounds like your really working on you and your program . With both AA and the marriage counselling.

Glad you found us here at SR , you will find a lot of good support here.

Good love, Inda
__________________
"The only real thing in life are dreams, which nature cant touch with decay." Bob Dylan

"Each day,somewhere in the world ,recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic , sharing experience,strength and hope."
IndaMiricale is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to IndaMiricale For This Useful Post:
instant (01-21-2012), Luckyv2 (01-21-2012), nexttime (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 09:32 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
SoCalDude's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: IL now
Posts: 217
Resentment was the topic of my AA meeting yesterday.. One guy mentioned 'Resentment is like peeing yourself, remember you're the only one that feels it."

I've been cheated on, not a good feeling, but drinking is just going to drive her into someone else's arms again. You've got an opportunity if you've decided to pursue it to build a more powerful relationship with your wife, and learn from past mistakes.. I've got you in my prayers, stay strong!
__________________
It isn't the first drink that is my problem, it is the first sip.

Your problems aren't there to defeat you, they are there to increase you.
SoCalDude is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to SoCalDude For This Useful Post:
eJoshua (01-21-2012), GoMan (01-21-2012), instant (01-21-2012), Luckyv2 (01-21-2012), nexttime (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 09:49 AM   #6 (permalink)
JUST DO IT!!
 
Luckyv2's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Blog Entries: 10
Best way to get rid of it is like the story in the back of the AA Big Book. Pray for that SOB, keep doing it everyday for two weeks. Ask that he have everything that you would want for yourself. You don't even have to mean it. It does work, not sure how, but it does.

I remember when I first got sober and I found out that my wife was sleeping with her boss. I was totally lost. We seperated and later divorce but I remember praying for her all sorts of things, new car, happiness, joy, etc. One day she brought the kids over to see me and guess what! ? !

She drove up in a new car,. LOL

I had to start my two weeks of praying again, but I learned that sometimes you should watch out for what you pray for :rotfxko
__________________
With Love and Respect

Vic

With God and A Little Luck We won't have to use today


Luckyv2 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Luckyv2 For This Useful Post:
instant (01-21-2012), laurie6781 (01-21-2012), Marius76 (01-21-2012), nexttime (01-21-2012), ReadyAndAble (01-21-2012), shakeel (03-12-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 01:54 PM   #7 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 174,996
Blog Entries: 1
Welcome to SR Robz

I hope with the steps and the counselling you can let go of that hatred.

I spent many years hating people and things - the effort, and the toll on me, was excruciating.

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Fubarcdn (01-21-2012), instant (01-21-2012), least (01-21-2012), nexttime (01-21-2012), ReadyAndAble (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 02:00 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Pigtails's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Wow, you are so strong to be getting through this without drinking, I admire you. I think in the long run you will be so much better off dealing with this the healthy way than resorting to escaping into drinking. I know it's hard right now, but, it will get better with time and you will come out the other end stronger. My thoughts are with you, best wishes.
Pigtails is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Pigtails For This Useful Post:
instant (01-21-2012), nexttime (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 02:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
aasharon90's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 11,080
There are so many sick people in the world
and I was one of them. Our addictions make
us do sick things, think sick thoughts, mess
us up from one end to the other.

With a program of recovery in place we begin
to heal and become healthy in many ways.
Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

As long as we stay in our addiction the longer
we remain sick. However, there are many who
are sober and clean but are still sick in many
ways.

I take care of me and my recovery and stay
close to my HP handing over many things I
have no control over. In doing so, it relieves
me of angers and resentment that slow me
down in my happiness.
__________________
"A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED"




SHARON B.
Baton Rouge, La.
8-11-90

I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily basis for guidance, care and protection.
aasharon90 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to aasharon90 For This Useful Post:
nexttime (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 02:37 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
katrinka's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 728
My hurt, anger, and resentment over a problem in my marriage is what started me abusing alcohol and that went for years. Now that I'm not drinking I don't obsess about that problem anymore. Alcohol sure doesn't heal those awful hurts.
katrinka is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to katrinka For This Useful Post:
desertsong (01-21-2012), nexttime (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 02:57 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
jocata's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
Sorry to hear about that man. You are handling it like a real man however. Going over and beating the living shat out of him would only make things much worse.

Do a fourth and fifth step on him with your sponser. Do the 2 week prayer thing.
We can get through some crazy stuff sober with a good program in place.

Hang in there buddy.

God bless.
jocata is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to jocata For This Useful Post:
instant (01-21-2012), nexttime (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 03:06 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
choublak's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,648
"El resentimiento es como tragarte el veneno tú mismo esperando que el otro se muera."

Resentment is like swallowing the venom yourself and hoping the other person dies.

This guy is living rent-free inside your brain.
choublak is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to choublak For This Useful Post:
nexttime (01-21-2012), ontherightpath (01-21-2012), shakeel (03-12-2012), sissy07 (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 03:08 PM   #13 (permalink)
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New York - Catskill Mtns.
Posts: 37,591
Hi robz. That's a hurtful thing to have to get through, but you're doing it the right way. Anger & hurt is unavoidable, but drinking does nothing but prolong the misery. There comes a day when we finally realize facing things sober and clear-headed makes them so much less damaging. Looks like you are there. Hope things work out the way you want them too.
__________________
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

Hevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
nexttime (01-21-2012), sissy07 (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 03:19 PM   #14 (permalink)
instant
 
instant's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,681
Blog Entries: 7
Robs there is no quick way to heal the hurt of this, but the journey might make you stronger. My prayers are with you
instant is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2012, 07:33 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Fairfax, VA
Posts: 3
I want to thank all for your suggestions. It helps. I do not discuss these matters in meetings; just with sponsor and counselor. I thought this anonymous forum might be helpful and it is. I have to stop letting that S.O.B. live rent free in my head.
robz is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to robz For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (01-21-2012)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:47 PM.