soberjim

Soberbrah... I don't know your history or what you have been through. I can say that I know what you are dealing with, in terms of using alcohol as a crutch, as I am new to sobriety myself. I have a great deal of stress in my life and have had to deal with alot of issues in my past as well.

I am older than you and do not like he direction that alcohol is taking me. I know I have to find different ways to deal with these issues. I know that is easier said than done.

Your list of things that alcohol is holding you back from is long. Try to examine other ways to deal with your own personal issues. Do you think counselling will help for example. One thing is for sure and I think deep down you know this, continuing to drink to deal with this issues is going to lead you to have bigger problems than you currently have.

I wish you success soberbrah. Keep posting and reading.

Jim

soberbrah

the second I take a sip, I get this feeling of clarity, that drinking alcohol is the best ever and that I was nuts for trying to give it up

Itchy

Yep, that is a question you better stay sober long enough to answer for yourself. The answer may be like you are sounding now. Nothing so back to the booze. Then remembering why you quit, as it is worse each time we relapse.

Does this have anything to do with tomorrow night being New Years Eve?

Could it possibly be that you have progressed in your alcoholism to the point where you cannot actually be there for when you drink anymore? That you now have nothing left. Drinking is no longer fun or more often isn't, and you have nothing to replace that with yet. Indeed, I think you need to formulate what life is after drinking. And don't act so alone. Athletes have to consider that, actors, politicians, celebrities, CEOs, hell many folks peak in High School and have no place to go after that, and sadly don't learn. All of us here had to figure that out too.

We can tell you what we did that worked for us "after alcohol." We can tell you our answer to that question, but for each it will be different. For you, different yet. I think you better get going on that, and we can support you in your quest if that is really what you want. But we can't answer for you what will your life be after alcohol.

I am impressed with your three weeks, well done. As for the rest, been there, done that too, before I had a problem with alcohol. Kept what I wanted after as well.

Mammyof3boys

Well said ReadyandAble. I have an imaginary dream world of me drinking to but it never looks like that, just a hungover guilt ridden mess instead. Don't want that life anymore.

desertsong

I have felt that way many times. In my 20's, drinking was "fun" because I'd go out and do it with friends and we would all be blasted together and hungover together the next day. Twenty years later, there is nothing fun about it at all. When you can't get out of bed in the morning without needing a drink to feel "normal" ... when you get sick if you DON'T drink ... when you go over the edge into blackout and do things that are shameful and embarrassing ... when you wake up with injuries and bruises that you don't know how you got ... when you drove somewhere but didn't remember doing it ... and all of the frustration, disgust, self-loathing and despair that go along with all of those things ... it is not fun. Not fun at all.

I embarrassed myself countless times in front of friends and family, and worse, I've said things to them that I would have never said sober. Those are all things I can't take back. The only thing I can do is commit to both them and especially myself that I won't drink anymore. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do because my first question to myself was, "If I don't have booze, then what do I have?" The answer is: a sober, happy, healthier life with WAY more fun in it than I ever had when I was drunk. That's the life I want, and the life I choose.