Tigger41

Belle. Yes. They will be gone soon and you'll have some time to re-group.

I tell the oddest people at the oddest times but it always seems to be the right thing to do. Maybe diwn deep you knew you needed total accountability. I think our subconscious knows more about us then we do. But you're right and you know it. Nows the time.

EmeraldRose

Was there a reason you thought you needed alcohol in the house if you're recovering? I just think you should be more careful with that.
We can support you, comfort you, say words of wisdom & understanding but ultimately, you will have to take the blame if you go over the edge.
Wishing you peace and strength.

CamilleBelle

This was a good thing... Ive decided. I will be headed home in 4 days and already have a dr. appointmen the 23rd and my mom will be getting all my id's and credit cards while im there. There will not be a new years toast... Well yes, maybe, but with sparkling cider or something!

CamilleBelle

I never commited to recovery before now... Kept saying the new year... I Have coors light and will be weining myself off today and then thats it. Im like a bottle of wine a night gal, so it shouldnt be too bad, from what ive heard!

Tosh

Hmmmm. I'm in A.A. and from their point of view, the drinking isn't the problem, the drinking is just a mere symptom of a deeper problem.

I can relate to that, because even though I did a lot of bad stuff while drinking, when I was sober, I just didn't like how that felt. Being sober was the real problem; I was restless, irritable, discontented; I was anxious. Drinking was my solution to that problem.

If you find you stop drinking and life seems to be empty, dull, grey and miserable, and you feel restless, irritable, and discontented, you may find you have a bigger problem than just 'not drinking'.

For some people, when they stop drinking, life doesn't all of a sudden become wonderful. Luckily enough, A.A. had a program that helped me, but there are other programs; maybe you should take a look at some of 'em?

Good luck, take care, and don't minimise your drinking; it's not just the amount; it's what it does to us that matters. And I know 'one bottle per night' alkies in A.A. who used to supplement that one bottle with regular binges.

munchkin05

Camille,
I was worried about you the past few days when I didn't see you here. Was worried that you had relapsed.
:ghug3

I would honestly take this as a good thing that you outed yourself last night!
About a week and a half ago I plopped into bed next to my hubby, completely sloshed and finally admitted "I NEED HELP!" It was one of the best things I could've done. Not only for me but for hubby as it let him see that this was serious. It wasn't just that I drank a bit heavily. I have a disease/addiction that unfortunately is uncurable. The only thing I can do is totally devote myself to abstaining completely, finding joy and peace in my life and move on to be the best mom and wife I can.
I know you can do it! Just keep coming every day. Heck I'll PM you every day and check on you if you like!!

Gerbosko

In that thread we all told you why it wasn't a good idea to set a sobriety date but you didn't listen to the advice. Camile, I hope you sober up and stay that way, you'd look back at your old posts and slap yourself and thank us for "tough advice"

SomethingBetter

I told my brother one night while we were drinking that I had a drinking problem, I told him everything, the next day I was ashamed of what I had told him but now he is one of my best supporters outside SR.

You can do this!

jen7916

Try not to be embarrassed! I feel the same way when I first tell someone (very few people even know now and I'm 5+ months sober), but think about how much better your life can be without alcohol and try to let that help you ignore the stigma you feel. It's about doing a great thing for yourself so try and feel proud instead! More people will support your admission and, hopefully, decision to quit drinking, than berate you for it even if it doesn't feel that way today... Good luck!

Itchy

It looks hopeful for you since you have decided to stop trying to do the same things over and over that didn't work expecting different results. I used AA and SR, and used a VA hospital to detox in hospital, as well as counseling etc. Like a good mechanic, you can never have too many tools in your toolbox. To arrange to be gone for a 7 day detox and a 28 day rehab I had to tell my docs, the VA, my counselors there, My wife and two boys, and my best friends so as not to put my wife in the position of dealing with questions alone. Most were proud to help and the rest could care less. See, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I didn't care who knew, but I was not going to be humored or make myself the cause of the ever present elephant in the room around an alcoholic.

In some cases you do have to set a quit date. August 2010 I decided I had enough and arranged for in hospital detox. My whole house A/C went out the week before I was supposed to check into the VA Hospital. A week of staying in the little workshop that is air conditioned with the pups, and $5k later, I called and I had a new date. I had to take care of the family as I wasn't non-functional, just ill. Then on 21 September I began my first and last detox and recovery. No relapses, I already had those daily for years. No real cravings, I had decided to never drink or smoke again, period. From day one when I got thoughts of drinking I thought "Boy am I glad I don't drink anymore. That would have caused me to drink." And when I did I was grateful for the opportunity to make a clean break to get started safely. I hung in there through PAWS for six months and deal with a minor permanent damage. What,? after decades of abuse I expected to come out 30 years younger and miraculously sunshine begins to come from my other end?

Remember those that care and been there will tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear.

I think there as many ways to quit as there are stars in the sky. I didn't say say get sober, I said quit. Lords knows I quit a bazillion times. Regardless of how you get there, or anyone else -

There is only one way to stay sober.

artsoul

I'm so glad you posted, Camille. Take it easy today - the sooner you can get the alcohol out of your system, the sooner the anxiety will go away.

The people that love us are going to love us even when we're not "OK." And we care, too. Stay close to SR and fill your head with the hope and inspiration here. One minute at a time, one day at a time, you can have the life you want!

CamilleBelle

Yay! That's good to hear! I think this will be similar... My toughest audience is my hubby, but doing this is gonna be a personal thing... And our relationship will only benifit!!

CamilleBelle

I WILL have the life I want! soon I hope...

SixStringZen

With all due respect, in only 4 hours, you went from never again, to talking yourself into drinking again...I wish you the absolute best...
As Dee is prone to say, it's simple, but it's not easy...good luck....

CamilleBelle

I think you misunderrstood... I DONT want to drink... If it came off that way, it came off wrongly. I will drink a little to keep from shaking, but by tomorrow, im DONE DONE DONE

SixStringZen

I know you don't want to...I know you need to to keep from shaking....I know that feeling very, very well....relieving withdrawal and anxiety over last night inspired a lot of us to drink the next day...and often, the next day and the next day...
I wish you the absolute best, and I have faith in you...I just wanted to point out how quickly we can go from "NEVER" to "well....just medicinally" to "well, just tonight".....

CamilleBelle

Or just one or two... Lol insanity! I think I got myself In enough of a pickle this time to where MOST of my family will not be giving me any excuses anymore! Its a good thing... Not going to be embarressed anymore, not going to hide it. Its who I am, and ill be ok. Would be better if I could sleep... But that will come. Thanks for your post!

LosingmyMisery

With all due respect, I understand where you are coming from. However, I also have read your threads and time has been ticking by as you talk about quitting. I know we live and learn and the hardest of lessons we learn from the most. They can be extremely painful. I think putting your recovery into the hands of a book or books is not being realistic. I can buy a book, but I have to read the book and put the book into practical application. I was to far gone to expect a book to change my life. There are to many questions that can go unanswered and it is oh so confusing. Meanwhile, it is easier to drink because that is what we know. I most likely would read the book while drinking and wouldn't remember what I read in the first place. I would also read SR while drinking. I felt some solace coming here, but it did not stop me from drinking. It is a useful tool, but I needed much more to quit drinking and to stay stopped. Remember, I am talking about me and my experience. We are all different, but very much the same.

I have read many books about rock stars, but I'm far from being one. I have been watching Youtube videos on how to fix my leaky faucet, but in reality will have to call the plumber. I can't get that pesky screw out and tools and plumbing are not my forte. True story, I've been fighting the leak for some time. I've been stubborn in thinking I can fix it. I can't. Time to get real and let someone who can take care of it.

Reading a book, can be useful, but I wouldn't base my sobriety on it. I think having someone to work with you is the key. The Big Book is meant to work the steps with a sponsor, not meant to be worked alone. I guess with that book, there is a certain exception. Things can get worse as you talk about quitting.

Everyone has their breaking point. Including your husband. Alcoholism is progressive. The harder we try, the worse it gets. Admitting it it the first step, knowing what to do to fix it is the hard part. We all know how to drink. How to stop it is a whole other story. My best to you. You are on the right track, time to take it to the next level and work a program, any program.

Gerbosko

I really hope you stick with your plan to quit , I understand where you're coming from - It's where I was within minutes of saying "I quit". I didn't want to drink but yet I wanted to drink. Fighting the "monster" is something that I really hope you overcome and I honestly really hope everything works out for you. I don't agree with you drinking tonight, but it's your plan and if that's what it takes for you to quit, then your plan worked and you can feel accomplishment.

I know you didn't like my "tough advice" in this thread, but I hope it at least made you think about what I was saying. I am thankful you came here and admitted to your problem and I look forward to seeing your recovery. Relapses are like a needle in my side, especially for people I try and help and since I've been following your posts for awhile, I felt the need to respond. I hope your marriage works out and that you can live a great life of sobriety.

CamilleBelle

Oh my, oh my. Lol never in my life did I think id be here... And you know what!?... Sometimes tough advice is needed! I am soooooo thankful for this site and all of you because you UNDERSTAND how unbelieveably difficult it can be. My emotions have the best of me right now... So I may seem tense in my posts, but all the same, I really am thankful, and although it stings to hear some things.... It very much needed! Xoxo to you all