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Old 11-20-2011, 12:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
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My new feelings are sobering.


Hello everyone, i am new to this website and i would like to share my progress/problems/questions with all of you. First of all, my name is Dylan. Two years ago i got help getting sober from prescription pills. (Here in Utah it is very popular.) Anyways, i was a shy kid in junior high, wasn't top dog of the school, nor did i fit into any "cliche". The day i broke my ankle i was prescribed lortab. Soon after taking them daily, i realized "Hey, i feel really confident in myself when i take these." From then on i was Mr.Popular, mr.funny, mr.outgoing/gets all the girls guy. In my senior year i met a girl named Shannon. She had a drug problem as well, but with ecstasy. We did drugs, fell in love, found a place together, but one day reality struck. And so we went and got sober. I was prescribed suboxone 8mg, three a day. Well anyways, we broke up. And i feel like she was, and has been my main support beam for getting sober. Now that she is gone i feel as if i lost my will to stay sober, and to stay healthy. We broke up four months ago, and all i have been doing is sitting in my house playing videogames, not showering, pretty much being anti-social. I get so anxious when i make plans to hang out with somebody. Im too scared to leave my apartment, ive been craving drugs so bad, to get that "top dog" feeling back. i just need your help. i would love to hear any advice or tips to getting back out in the world, and doing what i love. For example: i use to play shows with my band, i would get the biggest rush off of this. But now its like i dont even want to pick up my guitar. I lost all self asteem, self confidence and im just hiding in my own shadows, hoping something will come along and change this. But really, i know now that i'm the only one who can change this. I regret not going to all my 12 step classes, and i really want to see a therapist. But i am afraid the therapist will prescribe me some sort of drug as a solvent. And that is what i tried to rid from my life these past two years. trust me, i abused any and every prescription there is.
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Old 11-20-2011, 01:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Dylan

I think it's really important we get sober for ourselves - getting sober for someone else never worked for me.

I started drugs and alcohol because I felt I was inferior too...that was the biggest mistake of my life...I lost 20 years of my life that way....and I still felt inferior when I wasn't drunk or stoned.

I reckon the only real way to learn the true value of yourself is to live your life clean and sober Dylan...it's the only way we grow and learn and move ahead.

I know it's hard, especially if you've only just started living sober - but it will get easier

The only one who can really change all this is you, Dylan - but that doesn't mean you need to do this alone

Have you thought of looking for other support now? Coming here is a good start
You said you wished you'd taken the 12 step classes? Why not check out a AA or NA meeting?

If you're not taking care of yourself and you're not leaving the house, is it possible you may be depressed? why not check that out with your Dr or a counsellor? You can at least listen to what they say - and you can talk about you not wanting any drug based solutions.

I'm glad you've joined us - you'll find a ton of support here

D
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Old 11-20-2011, 01:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Dylan-

I agree with Dee 100% that you have to want to get sober first for yourself or it will never work. With me for years I always said I'd get sober for this person or that person and I would relapse because I was worried what other people thought. Finally I said I don't care what other people think and it made things a lot easier.

I also see a therapist and it offered a great deal of support for me. With a therapist all you're going to be doing is talking about your life, I think you would find it very helpful along with this website.

As far as getting back to playing guitar. When I first started playing guitar (I play bass) I was sober. Then I got involved in the whole drinking drug scene and eventually I stopped playing for a long time. I got sober about 15 months ago. I ahve not touched a drop of alcohol. All of a sudden one day, about 6 months into sobriety I picked up my guitar again and started playing and the first thing I thought about was having a beer. Once I got passed the craving though and started playing more I realized I play better sober and music sounds better when I'm sober.

Work on yourself day to day, talk to someone about your problem and you can do it. Don't kid yourself though, it will not be easy but I guarantee you it will be worth it if you work at it.
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