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about 23 days sober

Old 10-30-2011, 08:41 PM
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about 23 days sober

hello all, i have about 23 or 24 days sober, i am not really sure... i have a lot of reasons to quit drinking and i know that alcohol has been a problem for me. i keep trying to tell myself that maybe i can control my drinking... i don't really feel that much better, i am really depressed and feel really bad about what my life has become. and drinking will make me feel better.

things are a lot better for me now that i am sober, but i am still not really happy. i was happier when i was drinking and i don't really know how to be happy sober, and i don't even know even if i want to be sober. well i want to be happy and be sober. i don't want to be miserable and be sober... how can i stop being so miserable when i am sober???

it's like i feel like i am stuck in this sort of brain fog, though it seems to be clearing a little, i just don't feel like my brain is working as good as it used too... i have been in this depressive foggy state before and snapped out of it, so there is hope. i hope i am not brain damaged...

i think it's more like depression than brain damage, but isn't depression a form of brain damage??? i don't know, at least it is helpful to put these feelings down into words.
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Old 10-30-2011, 08:54 PM
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lol.
sorry for laughing, but depression is definitely not a form of brain damage, don't worry.
actually, once upon a time, a very bubbly friend of mine was feeling down so she simply declared: "I never thought I was smart enough to get depressed. But here I am."

Anyway.
I am 3 weeks sober and it's not like I **** rainbows and burp butterflies. In fact, I think with all my substance abuse, I have completely forgotten how to be happy. All I can do is work on achieving some sort of serenity. Embracing spirituality (without going fanatical) has been helpful.
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Old 10-30-2011, 09:06 PM
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Hi and welcome cuyootoo

i was happier when i was drinking and i don't really know how to be happy sober, and i don't even know even if i want to be sober.
I think this is common for everyone - if you rely on alcohol for as many things as I did - to pick me up, put me down, be happy, be entertained, feel safe, check out for a while - it's natural that losing the bottle is going to take some readjustment and the learning of quite a few new skills.

I don't know about anyone else, but it took more than just not drinking for me to be happy too - I'd drunk for a lot of underlying reasons, for years, and I needed to face and to deal with those reasons if I wanted to be sober - and happy with it.

It takes some time and effort but I'm glad I worked hard at it - I'm happy for the first time in my adult life

Have you considered getting a professional opinion about your depression from a Dr or a counsellor as well? that may help you to work out if there's something clinical going on...

rest assured, depression is definitely not brain damage - there's a lot we can do

D
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Old 10-30-2011, 09:22 PM
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Congrats on the 3 weeks sober!

It took me awhile to be happy after I quit drinking. Sometimes I'm still not happy, but life sober and unhappy is a hell of alot better than drunk and wishing to die.

I don't think it's as much as going and doing and finding what makes you happy but more of finding things that you are grateful for and adding to that.

Find one thing today that you are grateful for and build on that. Today I'm happy I'm sober and I can start there and go a longggg way and pretty soon I'm smiling.
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Old 10-30-2011, 09:33 PM
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I felt unhappy in the beginning too, from what I read I figured I might be in this buffer for a while, it's actualy pretty good on the other side of the fog.

Think about this, people who have been sober a while seem to always say its fantastic, I was recently were you are and remember what it felt like, it takes time but it does get better.


Congrats on the 24 days!
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Old 10-31-2011, 10:07 PM
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thanks for the encouragement... another day sober, but for some reason i don't really feel that excited about it. it's like i don't feel happy about the things that should make me happy, when i was drinking i would be proud of all these stupid things that when i was sober just made me feel bad. now that i am sober, the only things left are depressed feelings... there just isn't that much to feel happy about from a sober state of mind anymore... but i don't really think it's a sober state of mind if it's a depressed state of mind. how could alcohol make me happy when it's supposed to be a depressant?
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Old 10-31-2011, 10:14 PM
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Because it was fulfilling a desire perhaps?
I dunno about you but I could obsess about booze as much as I drunk it.

Like I said if you think you're depressed - go see a professional and checked out....at least you can either know you're dealing with something clinical, or you'll set your mind at ease that it's just the normal 'grey' period that a lot of us go through when the central focus of our life is taken away.

If it's the former there's lots of help for clinical depression.

If it's the latter - with a little time and effort you can make your life what you want it to be

Either way things will improve

D
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Old 11-01-2011, 08:18 PM
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i actually feel a bit better today, the psychiatrist says that i need to be sober for a month before he can tell if it's depression or just alcoholism... so i guess i will find out in about 5 more days.

i shouldn't say, JUST alcoholism. Alcoholism is a pretty bad disease in my opinion.
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