i had a glass of wine...
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
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Originally Posted by ETA 
Tonight we were at a wedding - it was a beautiful beautiful day - the location was incredible - all I could think of was about how my future dreams all included alcohol and now I have nothing to look forward to... things like going to Europe and drinking wine at a cafe, getting a house in the country and having a beer on the porch.
I'm not sure if I'm making sense. I'm tired.
Anyway I had a glass of wine. It was only mediocre - wish I went for the IPA. I didn't get tipsy or get a second glass. I don't feel guilty I guess - just feel kind of hopeless - but not in a dramatic way. Just kind of indifferent and unmotivated.
I'm engaged and eventually I'll have my own wedding - not sure I want to bother spending a bunch of money if I can't even enjoy it...
I'm not sure if I'm making sense. I'm tired.
Anyway I had a glass of wine. It was only mediocre - wish I went for the IPA. I didn't get tipsy or get a second glass. I don't feel guilty I guess - just feel kind of hopeless - but not in a dramatic way. Just kind of indifferent and unmotivated.
I'm engaged and eventually I'll have my own wedding - not sure I want to bother spending a bunch of money if I can't even enjoy it...
There are two of you, you and your addiction. Really, there are!
SMART calls it "The Enemy," AVRT calls it "The Beast," and 12-Step programs call it "my disease." I'll use the more ecumenical term "your addiction" for the sake of brevity. By deciding to abstain, you have effectively threatened your addiction with death, and it has no intention whatsoever of dying. It will show you all sorts of gloomy pictures about a boring, boring life with no fun in order to get you to drink.
Right now, you are mistaking such thoughts as your own, but you need to learn to recognize such ideas as being those of your addiction and to detach from them. Once you can do that, they will have very little effect on you. As long as you consider those gloomy, black-and-white pictures of life without alcohol as your own, however, you will remain a slave to your addiction.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: CT
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I addition to what TU says, the rosy pictures you see of drinking a glass of wine in Paris or drinking a beer on a summer day are last ditch attempts by your addiction to get it's way. That's not the reality of things. Addiction is a cunning illusionist.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
ETA,
You are describing EXACTLY how I felt about alcohol when I was drinking. I LOVED to drink, and it was included in virtually everything I did or wanted to do. Even 20 years later, I can still evoke those feelings in my mind that alcohol gave me. Here and there, I'll see people wine tasting and having fun, and my mind can drift there again.
The trouble is, romanticizing leaves out a whole big giant part about what it really means to include alcohol in every activity that you find pleasure in. After many years of doing exactly as you describe, I started to realize all the enjoyment that alcohol was STOPPING me from enjoying. Alcohol was turning me into a big, fat SLUG that did nothing and went nowhere interesting any more.
No bicycling, no hiking, no skiing, no kayaking. I even snuck wine into the MOVIE theater, for God's sake.
My husband and I drove around with wine in COFFEE CUPS in the car, when the "open container" law was the fear and not the current DUI regs that measure your breath or blood alcohol when drinking is suspected.
I can see where this is going with you. You haven't discovered the limitations that alcohol puts on you yet. Maybe you never will.
I know that, for me, not drinking and not using drugs makes me feel incredibly FREE and able to any damn thing I want to do. It is empowering to have this sense of freedom, and for the past 20 years I have enjoyed this freedom and gone and done things I never would have dreamed of doing drunk.
I hear ya, you may not be "drunk" when doing all those fun things. But drinking impairs you in ways other people can see in you when you probably do not. When I was drinking, my behavior was changed by the drinking. If you think yours isn't, think again. It already has its tentacles in you, or you wouldn't be thinking like you are.
One last thing -- do you really thing "normal" drinkers spend time thinking and romanticizing the act of drinking alcohol? I'm not even sure what a "normal" drinker is any more. The only thing I do know is that I am not one of them.
FT
You are describing EXACTLY how I felt about alcohol when I was drinking. I LOVED to drink, and it was included in virtually everything I did or wanted to do. Even 20 years later, I can still evoke those feelings in my mind that alcohol gave me. Here and there, I'll see people wine tasting and having fun, and my mind can drift there again.
The trouble is, romanticizing leaves out a whole big giant part about what it really means to include alcohol in every activity that you find pleasure in. After many years of doing exactly as you describe, I started to realize all the enjoyment that alcohol was STOPPING me from enjoying. Alcohol was turning me into a big, fat SLUG that did nothing and went nowhere interesting any more.
No bicycling, no hiking, no skiing, no kayaking. I even snuck wine into the MOVIE theater, for God's sake.
My husband and I drove around with wine in COFFEE CUPS in the car, when the "open container" law was the fear and not the current DUI regs that measure your breath or blood alcohol when drinking is suspected.
I can see where this is going with you. You haven't discovered the limitations that alcohol puts on you yet. Maybe you never will.
I know that, for me, not drinking and not using drugs makes me feel incredibly FREE and able to any damn thing I want to do. It is empowering to have this sense of freedom, and for the past 20 years I have enjoyed this freedom and gone and done things I never would have dreamed of doing drunk.
I hear ya, you may not be "drunk" when doing all those fun things. But drinking impairs you in ways other people can see in you when you probably do not. When I was drinking, my behavior was changed by the drinking. If you think yours isn't, think again. It already has its tentacles in you, or you wouldn't be thinking like you are.
One last thing -- do you really thing "normal" drinkers spend time thinking and romanticizing the act of drinking alcohol? I'm not even sure what a "normal" drinker is any more. The only thing I do know is that I am not one of them.
FT
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by failedtaper
You haven't discovered the limitations that alcohol puts on you yet. Maybe you never will.
I know that, for me, not drinking and not using drugs makes me feel incredibly FREE and able to any damn thing I want to do. It is empowering to have this sense of freedom, and for the past 20 years I have enjoyed this freedom and gone and done things I never would have dreamed of doing drunk.
I know that, for me, not drinking and not using drugs makes me feel incredibly FREE and able to any damn thing I want to do. It is empowering to have this sense of freedom, and for the past 20 years I have enjoyed this freedom and gone and done things I never would have dreamed of doing drunk.
That is the wonderful thing about NOT drinking for me. The freedom. I can do whatever I want, go wherever I please! I don't have to worry about whether or not I can get alcohol where I'm going. I don't have devote the slightest bit of intellectual bandwidth to the pursuit of alcohol.
It is a wonderful thing. Of course, to get there, I had to stop drinking (for good...the option had to be off the table, period) and then heal, which was extremely painful at times and didn't happen overnight. But the freedom has been worth it.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
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thanks
Originally Posted by SSIL75
This is an alcoholic thought. It's just not true and the only reason you think it is because you're an alcoholic. I used to think it, too and if it was challenged I'd think that I was a special kind of person who needed that kind of thing. I was more special/sparkly/adventurous/fun/European. So yes my boring scrapbooky friends or Muslim friends might be OK to not drink but not I!!
AND my proof of that was when I was pregnant life DID suck! I was right! Yes it was nice to wake up without a hangover but there it ended. Otherwise it WAS dull. See???
It was a game changer for me when I finally realized that that was a sick, alcoholic thought. And so every time I thought it I told myself that and forced myself to consider an alternative.
And be honest with yourself - does ONE drink really alter an experience? How about 2? Of course not! Now that ability to have 8. THAT alters an experience. But how is that working for you?
AND my proof of that was when I was pregnant life DID suck! I was right! Yes it was nice to wake up without a hangover but there it ended. Otherwise it WAS dull. See???
It was a game changer for me when I finally realized that that was a sick, alcoholic thought. And so every time I thought it I told myself that and forced myself to consider an alternative.
And be honest with yourself - does ONE drink really alter an experience? How about 2? Of course not! Now that ability to have 8. THAT alters an experience. But how is that working for you?
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Singapore
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Originally Posted by SoberNVa
AA- the wonder cure. NOT. I gave it 21 years. Im not giving it anymore. I got off booze, mission accomplished.When God gets out I will consider going back.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
When life is hopeless in sobriety, the steps of aa can save your life. Doing nothing in sobriety won't get you anywhere. Stop being self indulgent and start doing something. You're putting yourself into "poor me" mode.
Aside from sugarbear1 - you all have been very helpful and mostly hit the nail on the head. The romanticizing of drinking is not a big revelation - I as aware of that and I know it's total BS.
I think what wellwisher's describing it as feeling "flat" is exactly what I'm talking about how the last 2 months have been...
It's good to know others have felt this and made it past it into something better.
I think my biggest mistake has been not checking in on this site more often. It's SO helpful to be here.
And OorWullie - we both will do succeed - we'll make it happen!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Good thread,
Thanks ETA for starting it. I needed to read something along these lines,lots of great insight and advice. Good on you for posting your true feelings. I was bringing up those pictures in my mind and in reality it would end ugly, I am sure of that. My daydream is to cycle through the south of France through the vineyards. I will now have to make do with the cheese and coffee. Cei la Vie!!!
My money is on wellwisher's advice.
CaiHong
Thanks ETA for starting it. I needed to read something along these lines,lots of great insight and advice. Good on you for posting your true feelings. I was bringing up those pictures in my mind and in reality it would end ugly, I am sure of that. My daydream is to cycle through the south of France through the vineyards. I will now have to make do with the cheese and coffee. Cei la Vie!!!
My money is on wellwisher's advice.
CaiHong
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Yeah i lived like that for a looooong time...it's called the mental obsession for alcohol, and it never left me even in the dry spells, it's not much fun living with it is it and kind of makes you think crazy, e.g. not looking forward to getting married cos it won't be much fun, without alcohol that is!
AA's program is structured to eliminate the mental obsession completely, but clearly it's not for you at the moment so i would suggest you find someone with long term sobriety who has no cravings, no triggers and no thoughts of alcohol ever (i.e. alcohol is as relevant to the quality of their life as strawberries) then ask them how they did it and copy them...good luck:-)
AA's program is structured to eliminate the mental obsession completely, but clearly it's not for you at the moment so i would suggest you find someone with long term sobriety who has no cravings, no triggers and no thoughts of alcohol ever (i.e. alcohol is as relevant to the quality of their life as strawberries) then ask them how they did it and copy them...good luck:-)
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
You know I had the mental obsession with cigarettes until I quit drinking and know I don't give a crap about smoking. Perhaps I need to give up something else?
Mostly I haven't been obsessing - I forget a lot. sigh... I should feel lucky. I'm not in crisis - I'm not drunk - I'm just flat.
Mostly I haven't been obsessing - I forget a lot. sigh... I should feel lucky. I'm not in crisis - I'm not drunk - I'm just flat.
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What are you doing to make your life less flat?
Alcohol takes over your whole life. When it's gone... there's not much to life! For me getting sober was less about eliminating alcohol and more about 'getting a life'.
So what are you excited about now? What do you look forward to? What makes you laugh?
5 things I am looking forward to today:
Nothing earth shattering. But these things really make me happy.
Don't be shy to talk to your doctor about depression if you're struggling!
Alcohol takes over your whole life. When it's gone... there's not much to life! For me getting sober was less about eliminating alcohol and more about 'getting a life'.
So what are you excited about now? What do you look forward to? What makes you laugh?
5 things I am looking forward to today:
- My son going to K so that I can have some one/one time with my 3 year old.
- Finally putting away this stupid baby pool in my yard. I have procrastinated way too long. It's Oct!
- A volunteer meeting tonight that I have been dreading... it being over with
- An extra hot skinny vanilla latte from starbucks before said meeting
- 'Fat, sick and nearly dead' netflix dvd.
Nothing earth shattering. But these things really make me happy.
Don't be shy to talk to your doctor about depression if you're struggling!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
Thing is that I feel guilty if I'm not doing something productive -something to better my life... It makes things not so fun.
I was seeing my therapist regularly but it was just me whining and complaining for an hour.
It's pretty clear I have plenty of issues beyond drinking!
I was seeing my therapist regularly but it was just me whining and complaining for an hour.
It's pretty clear I have plenty of issues beyond drinking!
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