ETA

I have been meaning to post here recently. Until tonight I thought I was ok about not drinking.

Mainly the problem I have been having is that since I stopped drinking I haven't relaxed or felt happy at all. I feel so serious - no real joy. I don't want to go anywhere or exercise or socialize. I'm just going through the motions.

Tonight we were at a wedding - it was a beautiful beautiful day - the location was incredible - all I could think of was about how my future dreams all included alcohol and now I have nothing to look forward to... things like going to Europe and drinking wine at a cafe, getting a house in the country and having a beer on the porch.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense. I'm tired.

Anyway I had a glass of wine. It was only mediocre - wish I went for the IPA. I didn't get tipsy or get a second glass. I don't feel guilty I guess - just feel kind of hopeless - but not in a dramatic way. Just kind of indifferent and unmotivated.

I'm engaged and eventually I'll have my own wedding - not sure I want to bother spending a bunch of money if I can't even enjoy it...

texas729

Life won't become enjoyable until you stay off the booze long enough. Life can be amazing without booze. You can move to the country and enjoy nature or travel to Europe to experience the cultures and sight see. It's normal to feel bad after quitting, give it sometime and give yourself a chance...

Sometimes we might need additional help and support. Some people like meetings, others go to counselors...

GreenAces

eh... ETA, just brush yourself off and keep working for the sobriety that you really want.. That's all I ever was able to do when I went back out to drink... I remember a time in recovery when I felt great no matter what, and that is the feeling I am striving for this time around. It always has it's ups and its downs, but that's life, and as we all know life still happens...

Maybe hopeless is a feeling you need right now, who knows.... My being so desperate and hopeless is what got me back in the rooms.

Just my 2 cents.

ETA

It was 3.5 months w/out drinking and I'm sure that's not "long enough" ... it's just hard to see beyond now. I can't imagine being ok again.

I'm still on the wagon. I'm not going to drink or give up. I did something stupid and didn't even enjoy it...

Dee74

I drank for 20 years - it was a lot longer than 3.5 months before things began to click for me.

I think it's important to remember that it's just not quitting drinking that makes us happy and content...the not drinking helps...but it's what we do then that makes us happy.

I had a lot of unresolved issues - the things I'd started drinking for all those years ago - I had to deal with those in order to start to feel happy.

I'm glad you're determined to stay with it

D

eJoshua

I'm glad you're sticking with your sobriety ETA. Are you seeing a therapist at all? It might help you to talk some of these feelings out with a professional. It's helped me a lot.

Best wishes to you, things will improve.

least

So you're saying you can't enjoy anything unless you can drink? Getting sober is a lot more than just not drinking. It's changing your attitude, for one thing. I can do anything I want to now and not worry about all the problems associated with drinking. Living sober makes me free and peaceful. No drama, no danger. And that gives me a lot to enjoy.

SoberRightNow

I was very much like this. Coming into recovery has helped me to see that my whole life had come to revolve around alcohol, even my dreams and aspirations were all drink related.

It isn't healthy for anyone, alcoholic or not, to have this obsession. If amazing experiences such as going to Europe or getting a house in the country only seem enjoyable if combined with drinking then it is time to stop. When the obsession is this strong, the imaginary dream of sitting in a civillised fashion, drinking wine outside a cafe in Paris like a character from a book will almost certainly be far, far removed from the reality should you make it there. The reality for me would probably involve making a fool of myself, being banned from the cafe and probably arrested by French police.

I used to dream of getting a good job and being successful purely so that I'd be able to go into the pub with a load of money like everybody else and drink as much as I wanted. These days, I have the job and the money and occassionally go into the pub and drink coffees, although not often. It is a far, far better feeling but even better is the fact that I'd rather spend my time elsewhere.

SSIL75

This is an alcoholic thought. It's just not true and the only reason you think it is because you're an alcoholic. I used to think it, too and if it was challenged I'd think that I was a special kind of person who needed that kind of thing. I was more special/sparkly/adventurous/fun/European. So yes my boring scrapbooky friends or Muslim friends might be OK to not drink but not I!!

AND my proof of that was when I was pregnant life DID suck! I was right! Yes it was nice to wake up without a hangover but there it ended. Otherwise it WAS dull. See???

It was a game changer for me when I finally realized that that was a sick, alcoholic thought. And so every time I thought it I told myself that and forced myself to consider an alternative.

And be honest with yourself - does ONE drink really alter an experience? How about 2? Of course not! Now that ability to have 8. THAT alters an experience. But how is that working for you?

sugarbear1

When life is hopeless in sobriety, the steps of aa can save your life. Doing nothing in sobriety won't get you anywhere. Stop being self indulgent and start doing something. You're putting yourself into "poor me" mode.

SoberNVa

comments like these are the reason I wish to hell A f u c king A would cease to exist.

Stride34

You're really glorifying drinking big time. Granted I wasn't an alcoholic, but it's really not that cool.

bellakeller

I went through that too in early recovery. I just sort of sandbagged the time I would drink with activities that were passive - basically non-activities to occupy my time - like watching TV and playing games and reading. Eventually I wanted more out of my life and was able to do it because I no longer had to drink. I just got tired of being passive and started to add more activity into my life.

I don't know if it will be the same for you. Just thought I'd put down some of my experience.

suki44883

Boy are you romanticizing alcohol. You can still go to Europe. Drink something else! You can still get a house in the country and have lemonade on the porch. Alcohol doesn't give you the ability to have fun. It sounds like you need to find a program to help you learn that you can live a fun and exciting life even if you don't drink. You are limiting yourself and feeling sorry for yourself because you haven't yet figured out that alcohol is not your friend. It wants to kill you and you are allowing your alcoholic voice to convince you that you are destined to a life of boredom and mediocrity without it. Get off the pity pot and go learn how to enjoy your life again.

omenapt

i have friends from the US now living in Finland and begging me to come over and I am hesitant as Europe is a trigger for me..Went to AMsterdam sober and it was "all right" but felt i was missing out on the "cafe" lifestyle! I did find an AA group in my last days there and it did improve my mood! but i did enojy walking thru the neighborhoods and parks and seeing something new or curious just around every turn!


Oh, and Cancun has been crossed off the destination list , big time!

OorWullie

ETA, that's exactly the way I felt for about a week in the run-up to a much regretted relapse recently. I felt tired, anxious, irritable and rarely laughed. I wondered why - after nearly a month sober - I was not skipping about joyfully each day and made a decision to drink one night. So here I am, on day 3 again, after several marathon benders and I wish I had not taken that drink. All I know is that this is going to be tough but I HAVE to succeed and stay sober. I hope I can do it and I really hope you can too.

OorWullie

ps - It costs a bloody fortune to drink wine outside Parisien cafes! Go see a museum instead.

sugarbear1

When hopeless in sobriety, working the aa program WILL help one's attitude and change one's life. When hopeless, one is more willing to change one's life. When alcohol is no longer the solution, there really is another way.

wellwisher

Hi ETA - I remember experiencing the "flat" feeling in early sobriety. I really felt at the time that I was just going through the motions, and the best way I can describe it is that it had a "so this is it!" feel to it. Almost completely disappointing, but as I found it, it was a temporary state of affairs.

I was able to intellectualize the concept that I had to replace my old behaviors with new behaviors, and to transfer my focus from getting my next drink to replacing it with some new activity, but emotionally I wasn't so astute in doing so. I had to try a lot of different things to see what could plug the gaping hole that my abstinence from alcohol created, and at times it felt like such hard work that I felt like throwing in the towel.

Staying stuck in that mode is dangerous to sobriety. I started romanticizing the lies that alcohol promises to deliver. It was like I had my own little cleverly disguised marketing campaign filming in my own mind. Kind of like how the strong, healthy, freedom-loving Marlboro Man would look to a hooked cigarette smoker, or how Joe Camel appealed to young smokers, or how Mick Jagger could get no satisifaction because he "can't be a man, cause he doesn't smoke, the same cigarettes as me". It is all lies. Every bit of it.

I call it my disease speaking to me; AVRT calls it the beast. Whatever your beliefs, it is equally dangerous to sobriety.

When I became sober, I went to inpatient rehab, joined AA and enrolled in outpatient alcohol counseling for aftercare. I was about eight months into sobriety, if I remember right, when I began to experience the same things you are describing in your post. The aftercare counselor referred me to the psychiatrist on staff and I was prescribed an anti-depressant for about six months. I'm guessing it was PAWS, as I have seen it written about in this forum, but at the time, I was not aware of the condition. As a matter of fact, I fought the counselor about going on anti-depressants, but it turned out, it helped me break the logjam of racing thoughts and feeling of helplessness that I was consumed with at the time while I continued my sobriety work.

I can only tell you what worked for me, and I'm not telling you what to do. I can only tell you what I experienced, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. That light at the end of the tunnel is not necessarily a freight train coming at you.

Keep posting here; I'm glad you're talking about it.

SoberNVa

AA- the wonder cure. NOT. I gave it 21 years. Im not giving it anymore. I got off booze, mission accomplished.When God gets out I will consider going back.