Thinking of drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: cleveland, oho
Posts: 57
This is just so unreal. I'm not going to drink. But I do think about it all the time. After everything I have been through. Its not confusing,, don't drink. But its hard not to think about. One of the posts mentioned above its 2 to 3 drinks then what next time? It just gives me the ok to get drunk some other night. Because in the end I don't want 2 or 3. I want 15
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: cleveland, oho
Posts: 57
I know, everything I have been through and to think that way is just unreal.. I am ashamed at what I have done, I feel the guilt everyday. Yes, having a few drinks with friends would take it all away for a couple hours.. Then what?????????? All the problems and feelings again. And I am just setting myself up for the next full blown drunk.. I dont drink 2-3 drinks anyway.. I want 15!! I know full well im an alcoholic,,, i just dance with idea in my head of somehow drinking again.. My mind is constantly all over the place. Is that wrong or irregular?? This is tough stuff
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm glad you posted ryan 
One thing I know for sure is that all the anxiety shame and obsessional thoughts you're having won't be fixed by drinking - even a 'couple of drinks' (if you could even stick to that) would make all that much much worse.
D
One thing I know for sure is that all the anxiety shame and obsessional thoughts you're having won't be fixed by drinking - even a 'couple of drinks' (if you could even stick to that) would make all that much much worse.
D
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
It's normal to think this way.
I suggest attending more meetings each week (I often went to 2 each day in early recovery). It helped me not think so much ..... or at least not think about myself. Also, regular meetings with my sponsor helped.
What step are you on?
I suggest attending more meetings each week (I often went to 2 each day in early recovery). It helped me not think so much ..... or at least not think about myself. Also, regular meetings with my sponsor helped.
What step are you on?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 174
Non-alcoholics don't think about drinking. They don't plan it or schedule it, they either do or they don't.
Replace "drink" with "carrot" or "drinking" with "eating carrots" in your OP and read it back to yourself and see if it resonates.
Replace "drink" with "carrot" or "drinking" with "eating carrots" in your OP and read it back to yourself and see if it resonates.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by ryanriley 
My mind is constantly all over the place. Is that wrong or irregular??
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Trans Pecos, TX
Posts: 74
Ryan: Don't do it man! I've fallen for this line of thought so many times. It's the fault of what Kurt Vonnegut called our "Big Brains", Thanks Big Brain! You have to know this is a slope you can not slip onto. Why else are you here with us?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I hope you don't drink. Seems to me that drinking, especially given your current situation, is like playing American roulette. With Russian roulette you put one bullet in the chamber, spin it, and fire one time. With American roulette, you put one bullet in the chamber, spin it, and fire six times...
lillyknitting
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
Originally Posted by ryanriley
This is just so unreal. I'm not going to drink. But I do think about it all the time. After everything I have been through. Its not confusing,, don't drink. But its hard not to think about. One of the posts mentioned above its 2 to 3 drinks then what next time? It just gives me the ok to get drunk some other night. Because in the end I don't want 2 or 3. I want 15
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Ryan, have you been successful not drinking for 30 days in a row? Ever?
Listen to aa speakers online, get to meetings. I have 5 months and my mind says I'm normal, go ahead, one beer and one toke of weed....seriously? No! I'm as normal as I'll ever be Without either...
My disease wants me dead, no matter how cute it gets.
Try not drinking....
Listen to aa speakers online, get to meetings. I have 5 months and my mind says I'm normal, go ahead, one beer and one toke of weed....seriously? No! I'm as normal as I'll ever be Without either...
My disease wants me dead, no matter how cute it gets.
Try not drinking....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hi Ryan, It took great courage to post this. I think you know you answer, just delay your thoughts of drinking to just not today... eventually they add up ;-)
Please also remember how you were when you came here, here is your first post on SR. Good luck & you can do this
Please also remember how you were when you came here, here is your first post on SR. Good luck & you can do this
Originally Posted by ryanriley
Please help anyone… I have been sober since May 15,, back in March I lost my job of 14 years,, yes because of drinking.. I was on the front page of a newspaper for a dui arrest (in front of my attorneys office that had represented me in a prior dui arrest) It was bad, as humiliating as you could think. EVERYONE I KNOW SAW THIS. And I mean everyone. Neighbors, ex coworkers,, the humiliation that I have put my family through is unreal. That event took place seven months ago,, I for the life of me cannot get out of this mental rut. I am stuck living with humiliation, fear, I want so badly to put this behind me and move on but I cant. When people see me they look at me like I have three eyes or something. How in the world can I move past this?? Yes, I have a sponsor, go to meetings, pray. These feeling just dont leave me at all. Any advice.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 437
Originally Posted by lillyknitting
The last time I had "just two drinks" I ended up totally blasted, drove home (don't even remember), rowed with hubby, insulted him, don't remember a word I sed, the fact that my friend turned up that she was able to tell me how vile I was....lucky also I didn't kill someone, or myself. Was banished from the marital bed (who can blame him) so slept on the sofa. The next day...when reality dawns....I can't tell you in words how terrible I felt and the pain just went on and on....I Neva want any of that again...listen to everyone here, they are right...what I'm saying is that in the end it will kill us
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: cleveland, oho
Posts: 57
yes,, May 15,, my mind just goes all over the place with this.. Like other things, I hope the thoughts subside with time. I really have felt better since i started coming to this site and posting.. Its very helpful,, I never thought I would be posting n SR,, but its worth it
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Originally Posted by ryanriley
yes,, May 15,, my mind just goes all over the place with this.. Like other things, I hope the thoughts subside with time. I really have felt better since i started coming to this site and posting.. Its very helpful,, I never thought I would be posting n SR,, but its worth it
Last edited by sadsoul2011; 10-14-2011 at 02:52 AM. Reason: spelling mistakes - its early in the morning :)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by ryanriley
yes,, May 15,, my mind just goes all over the place with this.. Like other things, I hope the thoughts subside with time. I really have felt better since i started coming to this site and posting.. Its very helpful,, I never thought I would be posting n SR,, but its worth it
Glad to be here and glad you are too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Ryan,
I agree with all the above, just want to stress my gratitude for posting what you are going through, to me this is what makes this forum work for me, honest heartfelt posts that I can relate to as an alcoholic. I am so glad you have rethought those "two drinks".
Stay strong.
CaiHong
I agree with all the above, just want to stress my gratitude for posting what you are going through, to me this is what makes this forum work for me, honest heartfelt posts that I can relate to as an alcoholic. I am so glad you have rethought those "two drinks".
Stay strong.
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
Ryanriley, I hope you take to heart everyone's wise words on here because it does get better. Maybe even a tad bit easier. It's much easier for me to shoo away the addictive voice in my head today than it was 40 days ago. And I'm confident that the more times I say no, the stronger my NO will become. And, the stronger my YES has become to life, to honesty, to sobriety, to happiness, to keeping my word, to being a good wife, a good employee. My YES to life becomes stronger every day that I say NO to alcohol.
Your addictive voice/nature is just messing with you, take back the reins and stay on your new path.
Your addictive voice/nature is just messing with you, take back the reins and stay on your new path.
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