ryanriley

Please help anyone… I have been sober since May 15,, back in March I lost my job of 14 years,, yes because of drinking.. I was on the front page of a newspaper for a dui arrest (in front of my attorneys office that had represented me in a prior dui arrest) It was bad, as humiliating as you could think. EVERYONE I KNOW SAW THIS. And I mean everyone. Neighbors, ex coworkers,, the humiliation that I have put my family through is unreal. That event took place seven months ago,, I for the life of me cannot get out of this mental rut. I am stuck living with humiliation, fear, I want so badly to put this behind me and move on but I cant. When people see me they look at me like I have three eyes or something. How in the world can I move past this?? Yes, I have a sponsor, go to meetings, pray. These feeling just dont leave me at all. Any advice.

Dee74

Hi Ryan

Welcome

I had many public humilations too - I found it was best to simply get on with my life today - living my life right now is the best amends - however much I'd like to change it, the past is closed to me, whats done is done.

I don't believe alcoholism is a character defect. I know being on the front page can't have been nice and I'm not downplaying your reaction - but in essence, you got a DUI - many people in the US, alcoholic or not, share that experience, and get past it.

If you're having trouble doing that after 7 months and you feel the steps and sponsor aren't helping - have you considered counselling maybe?

D

ulverston

at least you didnt hurt or kill anyone i'm assuming?
think how bad that would have been?
and remember what other people think of us is none of our business

northwoods

Hi Ryan, It sounds like you are already doing a good job of moving ahead with life if you have been able to stop drinking. Maybe you should try not to focus so much on what others think, but concentrate on how you are feeling about yourself. It is hard for many people who have never been in a situation like you or I to comprehend how easy it is to fall into these situations. It happens to good people. Look at it as an opportunity to make a change in your life, find a new job, get yourself back on track and you know what I think will happen? People will respect you more for being able to overcome this situation. At least the ones that matter will! Thanks for sharing and I wish you the best of luck.

Anna

Hi,

You know what, you've been sober for 5 months. Pat yourself on the back and be proud of what you've accomplished. My advice is to not allow others to judge you. This is something I had to figure out too. When I first got sober I felt like everyone could see it written on my face and it was horrible. I had to decide that I was on my own journey and doing everything I could to help myself and it was no one else's job to judge me.

I, too, would suggest that counselling might help you.

sissy07

Hi Ryan,

I know this won't make you feel much better, but some of us can top your story....I know I could.

I finally decided (by reading a post on this forum) that I had to release those feelings of guilt and shame....it was eroding what self-esteem I had left, and was a big threat to my sobriety.

I thought Dee's advice was right on. What is done is done. I know you are having a hard time, and I am not minimizing it. I finally realized that the major thing that happened to me (or should I say "what I did to myself") was the tipping point that made me try sobriety once again. I was very, very fortunate and very, very grateful that I didn't physically injure anyone else.

Apparently this was your wake up call. As bad as it was, it could have been worse. And now you are sober. The way I look at it, we are all just trying to do the best we can.....just try to learn from it and move on. Take care.

Hevyn

Ryan - It's so good you joined & told your story. I hope you feel a little relief by sharing it, and knowing we all understand. You can't let what happened hold you down, & spoil the life you have left.

I've had 3 dui's - even went to jail for a brief time. I was stuck back in those horrible days and couldn't move forward until I came here and unburdened myself. No one judged me or seemed shocked. I was encouraged to hold my head high and move forward. The person you are becoming is all that matters - that other guy is gone. Soon that awful incident will be a dim memory. Please don't let it color the life you have right in front of you.

CarolD

I'm so glad you won't be drinking and driving again...

When I did Steps 4 & 5 I felt God's forgivness for the past.
By daily connection...I have His support and love.
I don't know where you are re Steps...but you can always re do 4 & 5
if you did not get positive results the first time...

Welcome to our recovery community...

keithj

What Step are you on? It's the only thing that saved me.

Many years ago I found myself in a similar position. Trembling and shaking the next day at my work place. A coworker coming over and asking me, "What are you doing here? Have you seen the paper?" My crashed car on the front page with me sitting slumped over beside it. Local TV footage of me falling over during the obligatory field sobriety test. Every single person I saw staring at me.

I survived that, ryanriley, although I didn't think I would at the time. I got sober through the 12 Steps and today I look all those same people in the eye and don't the feel the least bit uneasy. I've made amends for my past actions. I have recovered and am well regarded in my community and my workplace.

Again, sponsors and meetings and prayer are great, but the Steps are what did for me what I could not do.

MemphisBlues

A DUI on the front page? Sorry, but the fact that you have been sober since May is an incredible first step to working the steps and getting over the shame I assume you are now feeling.

Then only way I can get over myself is to get out of myself and help others. The only way I can do that is to go to AA meetings and hope my shares help someone else. For some reason that helps me.

I'm sorry for your legal troubles and public embarrassment, but sometimes the past just won't let us be. All we can do is make sure we don't repeat the mistakes of the past today, and put a lot of those single days together in a good chunk of clean time.

I predict that a year from now, after a year of sobriety that is, you will look back and see all of this in a different light.

wpainterw

My advice is to survive. You are alive. From what you say you have done no physical harm to anyone. But you have stumbled badly and done enormous harm to yourself. If you manage to achieve sobriety you will find a way to forgive yourself and you will find that others, at least those who know that alcoholism is an illness, will forgive, even admire you. There will be a day when they will pat you on the back, shake your hand and say, "Congratulations"!
Now, begin to turn your face to the sun, start on the long upward path. We are here to help in any way we can. Many of us, even most, have been where you are and many have come back. We shall be thinking of you.
Drink is your mortal enemy. Our heartfelt good wishes and hopes that soon things will soon be better.

W.

ryanriley

To all of you who posted,, thank you,, thank you so much. It is unreal to me the kindness that is displayed here and in all of the aa meetings. I just dont know where I would be without this.

ryanriley

That was the nutshell version of the story,,, some of the details are this.. Prior to that event I already had a couple of duis on my record. MY employer had sent me to two rehabs,, I dont mean to boast, but I was very highly paid,,, After the first rehab I not only drank, but went out and got another dui. They still took me back!! After that I was driving myself to JAIL and decided to go to the bar to get drunk before I got to jail !! TO sleep it off over the weekend. I had been sentenced to do my time over weekends. I just cant believe what I did! I mean driving to jail for a dui,, and i get another. That is where my mind was. I was a highly paid executive who just would not listen to anyone. I just would not sstop thats how bad it got. Now, after the last dui, amazingly i got no jail time,, got a job making a fraction of what i was making,, I am so thankful,, i just live in fear everyday of not making it back,, that sounds selfish, but it is one of the things i think about. I dont want to lose my house and have to move my kids.. Any other advice after these details would be great!

Threshold

You are doing the best thing you can do. Making sure it NEVER happens again.

Sounds like you are well on your way.

I don't know anyone who can honestly say their proudest moment took place when they were high or drunk.

Humility is our friend, it keeps us sober, honest and doing the next right thing.

Dee74

The extra detail helps to explain that you're dealing with more than just shame over one DUI - but I think the advice you've been given here is still good Ryan

I'm not in AA but it seems to me there are steps that deal with this kind of thing - letting go of the past - if you're committed to AA maybe you need to do them, or do them again.

I'd certainly speak with your sponsor.

Outside of that, I still believe counselling is a good tool in dealing with trauma and unresolved emotion

D

artsoul

Welcome Ryan and congratulations on your sober time!

Sorry you're having to deal with this, but if it keeps you sober, that's something to be grateful for...... (I'm a little frantic today about my finances and your post reminded me that I still have so much to be thankful for, even though the stress and worry doesn't feel very good. So, thank you for your post!)

Good to have you with us!

wpainterw

Ryan:
The obsessive-compulsive and self destructive behavior you describe sounds to me as if it cries out for professional help. Long, long ago a doctor told me, "You are your own worst enemy." What he said was so true. It took me forty years to find that out, that is to find it out in a way so that I really believed it. Have pity on yourself and get counseling, the best you can find. You can no longer afford to play a "chicken" game with your destiny.

W.

chainsaw4618

Hi Ryan: Wow! Mar15! I'd jump for joy if I could make 5 months. I'm sorry about the public humiliation. I came close to a dui last year, and it ate me up inside. I no longer drive when I've been drinking, but I still have trouble staying on the wagon for long periods. I just joined SR, and I am determined. As for living through this, I think you just have to suck it up and let time pass. You are making a stellar effort and obviously having success (sober 5 mo!), so try to concentrate on that when you feel down. So many painful things in life just simply require time to heal. You have to put in the time. I've had some things I thought I would never endure, but hey, I'm here and pretty close to okay. Time.