Aeon

That's a pretty good upside

ontherightpath

Congrats on the sober day(s). I know exactly where you are coming from. I would feel this same way when I went out to the bars to drink. I would never remember the ride home. I would usually start to black out and my friends would recognize that, so they would get me home safely, or call me a cab. And the next morning was complete and utter torture on myself. i would axniously await text messages or phone calls. If i didnt hear anything by a certain time, I would start firing off the texts in hopes that someone could or would explain what happened, and then I would try to sugar coat it with "I didnt eat all day, or I drank so fast", or whatever excuses I had stored away in my "toolbox". obviously, this problem was much more than what people thought of me. And i didnt even have the courage to tell my husband how bad it was... now that i am in aa and working the steps, when i get to that steo, i will approach it head on... anyways, getting back on track. I do agree that as a few more days pass, and your head is cleared a little bit, you will be more equipped to deal with the ramifications. the coolest thing in the world is, walking around with your head heald high, because you werent the one causing the problems, once you are sober. Sobriety offers so much more to me personally, than a night searching for answers at the bottom of a bottle, ever did!!! one day at a time, and get honest with yourself. you deserve it!!

Cadrian

It's approaching the zero hour for me and my birthday.

I don't want it to involve alcohol but I'm getting more anxious as the time goes.

My plan, what I really want: Spend all of tomorrow wrapping up whatever assignments and work I've yet to complete, I think that would be the best birthday ever because it involves getting rid of some of my stress.
I have this huge coffee table and seeing it covered in paper and open books... that's my birthday wish.

I want to stick to that plan, but tomorrow I'll have to leave the comfort of my home at one point, and usually that's how it starts.

I'm trying my hardest not to... I don't know, freak out.
But I can feel something coming on, it's no where near breaking point, it just feels like something.

I don't want it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy so I'll be taking some small steps:

I'm not carrying around ID tomorrow (don't worry, I don't drive, I should be alright), I figure my pride is still trying to build itself up and it won't take the risk of a rebuff since I look younger than my age and I always get asked for ID.

Um. Destroying my shopping bag? I don't know.

I'm out of methods.

Oh, make a shopping list before hand?

Aeon

Go to a meeting!

Happy Birthday Cadrian. Maybe give yourself the gift of sobriety? I hear sobriety is pretty precious

I know the feeling of impending "something bad". I think all alcoholics have it. It's normal..

Dee74

This sounds like a great plan - and remember we're all here to help you stick to it.

When that one point comes when you have to leave home - remind yourself of what's at stake, log in here if you need to....the start of ending up somewhere different is by doing different things.

Happy Birthday Cadrian - let's make it a good one

D

Cadrian

Thanks... and I do feel better.

Actually better than I have all day (though it's still pretty earlier - not even noon), that impending doom feeling I guess... it didn't happen, it's just like every other day.

It's like the roller coaster is finally on its way down... and the anticipation of everything was far worse than anything embedded in reality.

I'm still feeling... a little outside of myself... if that makes sense.

(Right now I'm, I don't know, cataloging my bad experiences - and there are lots, and alcohol has played its role. I'm feeling a lot stronger than I have in the past five days; keeping this feeling is, so hard. I'll blink and it'll be over... but that's a little the alcohol experience anyway, everything's so fleeting.)

I'm trying to find a balance here, if I'm too... forceful in my wants, for no alcohol or for alcohol... it doesn't end well, it's like burning out a candle before the lights go out, nothing in reserves.

Dee74

I found I had to make it simple - alcohol and I have a bad relationship...the odds are sooner or later I'll have a bad experience, and more and more of them.

It simply made sense for me to stop drinking entirely - and once I did I found my thinking cleared a lot too...a lot of what I worried about simply vanished when I was no longer contributing to the problem.

I hope you find the same experience

D