Another thought for the day
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 80
Another thought for the day
An addition to the 29th and 30th. Again very fitting considering the phone call I just got.
"This leaves only one day----today. Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at a time. Am I living one day at a time?
I wish I could get my wife to understand this. I know I can't make her nor do I even know if I deserve another chance. But if we are going to make this work, we need to start with the one day at a time idea and not to dread on the past and worry about the future. I know i have screwed up big time over the years but we need to get past that, I cannot nor can you change what has already happened. If we can't accept the past and live for today, then trying to make it work won't work. I wish I could erase all of the wrongs I've done but I can't but I can live everyday trying to make up for those wrongs by doing right. That's all I can do and that is what I am going to do today, regardless of if we are together trying to make it work or if we decide that the damage is too great and it's time to call it quits.
"This leaves only one day----today. Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at a time. Am I living one day at a time?
I wish I could get my wife to understand this. I know I can't make her nor do I even know if I deserve another chance. But if we are going to make this work, we need to start with the one day at a time idea and not to dread on the past and worry about the future. I know i have screwed up big time over the years but we need to get past that, I cannot nor can you change what has already happened. If we can't accept the past and live for today, then trying to make it work won't work. I wish I could erase all of the wrongs I've done but I can't but I can live everyday trying to make up for those wrongs by doing right. That's all I can do and that is what I am going to do today, regardless of if we are together trying to make it work or if we decide that the damage is too great and it's time to call it quits.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: in this vessel
Posts: 304
Many years ago, we separated. 6 months! I had to fall back in love with him. I knew I loved him but due to so much pain and bad experiences, I had finally just stopped feeling. He was broken, begging and making promises. I remember thinking "wow, this is what I've always wanted". I wanted to force myself to just take him back and trust that everything would be brand new and magical.
But it took 6 months. We did couples work and individual work. We were both contributing to the dysfunction and I needed help in cultivating the tools to work on mine. It's a long road but necessary if you don't want to repeat this again and again.
I fell madly in love with him all over again when the benefits of efforts in recovering were obvious. He was happy, glowing and committed to his life. I finally had a revelation that if I
didn't snatch this beautiful healthy man up that someone else would!
But it took 6 months. We did couples work and individual work. We were both contributing to the dysfunction and I needed help in cultivating the tools to work on mine. It's a long road but necessary if you don't want to repeat this again and again.
I fell madly in love with him all over again when the benefits of efforts in recovering were obvious. He was happy, glowing and committed to his life. I finally had a revelation that if I
didn't snatch this beautiful healthy man up that someone else would!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 2,464
All my prayers for you and your family. I am not married; but what has been suggested to me in difficult times from my sponsor in AA is to do exactly as you stated one day at a time, acceptance, and living right today. In particular she asked that I work the 3rd step prayer which is as follows:
"God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
And to read the acceptance pray on pg. 417 in the AA big book. Not sure if you are in AA but if you google AA Big Book it is online. Hope this helps you.
"God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
And to read the acceptance pray on pg. 417 in the AA big book. Not sure if you are in AA but if you google AA Big Book it is online. Hope this helps you.
TenYearsGone
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Schwaber77 
An addition to the 29th and 30th. Again very fitting considering the phone call I just got.
"This leaves only one day----today. Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at a time. Am I living one day at a time?
"This leaves only one day----today. Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at a time. Am I living one day at a time?
I hope things work out for you & your spouse if it is what you want. Best wishes to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 80
Symmetry: Thank you,I really hope what you have experienced is what lies in the future for me and my family.
Recoverywfaith: thanks and yes I am reading the big book, I am close to page 400 so I'll be reading it soon. I wanted to read it cover to cover, then go back and study parts of it in more depth.
Tenyearsgone: yes, it is what I want. Aside from remaining sober and in recovery, my wife and family is all I want, everything else in life doesn't have much value if I don't have those 2 things. It's like a bad nightmare that I can't wake up from.
Recoverywfaith: thanks and yes I am reading the big book, I am close to page 400 so I'll be reading it soon. I wanted to read it cover to cover, then go back and study parts of it in more depth.
Tenyearsgone: yes, it is what I want. Aside from remaining sober and in recovery, my wife and family is all I want, everything else in life doesn't have much value if I don't have those 2 things. It's like a bad nightmare that I can't wake up from.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,541
Living one day at a time is a great way to live...but it think it also applies to our expectations for others too.
Your wife is obviously still mulling over some past stuff...I had to deal with that too with certain people in my life...I learned I don't get to set the timetable on that process.
Just as we have our journey and our stuff to work through, our loved ones have theirs.
They're not always parallel but hopefully we all end up in the same place
You're doing all the right things now...trust in that Schwaber
D
Your wife is obviously still mulling over some past stuff...I had to deal with that too with certain people in my life...I learned I don't get to set the timetable on that process.
Just as we have our journey and our stuff to work through, our loved ones have theirs.
They're not always parallel but hopefully we all end up in the same place
You're doing all the right things now...trust in that Schwaber
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 80
There is a lot of stuff going on that I can't really go into detail about mainly because it would take me all day to write down whats going on and how I feel about it so I am painting only a partial picture.
Today has probably been the most depressing day that I can ever remember, even before drinking or trying to quit.
I took a ride on the motor cycle thinking it would be just 40 mile trip, just to relax a bit and grab a bite to eat. Well that turned into more like a 200 mile trip, I just didn't want to stop and if I didn't have to work tomorrow it probably would have turned into a 300 mile trip, maybe more. I think in my mind, getting off of the bike meant back to reality, which at this point, avoiding it doesn't seem like a bad idea.
It seemed to help at times because I could zone out and enjoy the air. But when I wasn't zoned out, my mind was racing a million miles a second, I just can't make sense of anything, it's almost like I have ADD.
After all that was said this morning after her being at the bar with her sisters all night and being in a drunken stooper, I just don't know if it's going to work. I feel like she doesn't want to be with me but she wants to do it for the kids. Well, she's already stated that we can't just do this for the kids, we need to do it as a family, for everyone in the family which I agree with. We'd probably be better apart if we are not in love with each other and then just focus on providing and raising the kids right. Amongst other things said, there is a lot of contradiction going on in regards to what she states is the right way and what she wants which in turn is really screwing with my head. She also tried to manipulate me, from 230am to 730am she called 25+ times and left 8 vm's, luckily my ringer was off. In some of those messages she said she needed to talk to me because she had a confession to make about what she had done. When asked about it this morning she wouldn't tell me so either she did something such as cheating or she was just doing it to manipulate/hurt me because of the hurting I put on her over the years. Then on top of that, its almost like she's looking for an easy way out. She was telling me that it was going to work but she wanted me to say it, like it would finalize everything. Of course I didn't say it, I can't and there was no point in saying anything anyway considering the state of mind she was in. I can't fix what I've done and I already hurt knowing what I've done, I hurt more then ever but this is not going to help me, help us and I can't deal with this sh*t, I am going insane!
If I didn't have this expensive, court ordered piece of jewelry on my ankle monitoring for alcohol, I am certain I would of had a few beers with dinner, maybe worse.
Maybe it would be best for it to end, the thought of us being together is stirring up these emotions, what would the emotions be if we were together.
I am lost.
Today has probably been the most depressing day that I can ever remember, even before drinking or trying to quit.
I took a ride on the motor cycle thinking it would be just 40 mile trip, just to relax a bit and grab a bite to eat. Well that turned into more like a 200 mile trip, I just didn't want to stop and if I didn't have to work tomorrow it probably would have turned into a 300 mile trip, maybe more. I think in my mind, getting off of the bike meant back to reality, which at this point, avoiding it doesn't seem like a bad idea.
It seemed to help at times because I could zone out and enjoy the air. But when I wasn't zoned out, my mind was racing a million miles a second, I just can't make sense of anything, it's almost like I have ADD.
After all that was said this morning after her being at the bar with her sisters all night and being in a drunken stooper, I just don't know if it's going to work. I feel like she doesn't want to be with me but she wants to do it for the kids. Well, she's already stated that we can't just do this for the kids, we need to do it as a family, for everyone in the family which I agree with. We'd probably be better apart if we are not in love with each other and then just focus on providing and raising the kids right. Amongst other things said, there is a lot of contradiction going on in regards to what she states is the right way and what she wants which in turn is really screwing with my head. She also tried to manipulate me, from 230am to 730am she called 25+ times and left 8 vm's, luckily my ringer was off. In some of those messages she said she needed to talk to me because she had a confession to make about what she had done. When asked about it this morning she wouldn't tell me so either she did something such as cheating or she was just doing it to manipulate/hurt me because of the hurting I put on her over the years. Then on top of that, its almost like she's looking for an easy way out. She was telling me that it was going to work but she wanted me to say it, like it would finalize everything. Of course I didn't say it, I can't and there was no point in saying anything anyway considering the state of mind she was in. I can't fix what I've done and I already hurt knowing what I've done, I hurt more then ever but this is not going to help me, help us and I can't deal with this sh*t, I am going insane!
If I didn't have this expensive, court ordered piece of jewelry on my ankle monitoring for alcohol, I am certain I would of had a few beers with dinner, maybe worse.
Maybe it would be best for it to end, the thought of us being together is stirring up these emotions, what would the emotions be if we were together.
I am lost.
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