bayliss

I am just curious what you guys think a "relapse" actually is.
Is it when you don't drink for 2 weeks and then have a glass of wine? Is that a relapse? Or is a relapse when you go on a drinking spree? Have a bottle or two...or drink for a week straight?
I am just wondering what in your guys' opinion is considered a relapse.

MycoolFitz

My personal opinion for me is any drinking is a relapse, period. I can't and won't be a part time, sometime drinker. In any case total sobriety is easier than leaving the temptation door open. And why would I want the occassional glass of wine or whatever? To me it makes no sense. Again, just my way of being and doing.

willowwalt

What Fritz said...any type of using is a relapse in my book too.

ceneri

I guess it could depend on your goal. But, im still new at this with much to learn. Good question tho.

suki44883

Your goal is the key. If your goal is total abstinence, then yes, one glass of wine would be considered a relapse. If your goal is to cut down, then one glass of wine after 2 weeks abstinence would not be considered a relapse.

Symmetry

After 10 years of sobriety my dad drank at my wedding.
No one in our family considered that a relapse.

I don't know. For me, any drink would be a relapse. I crossed the threshold of social drinker to someone who needs to drink. I'm an addict. I was in denial and now I'm not. My goal is to remain a non drinker.

What's your goal?

Supercrew

The only people who really use the term relapse as far as drinking are recovery people. If I used the term relapse to describe an episode of drinking when I didn't intend to drink or I drank more than I inteneded over my lifetime then I would have relapsed eleventy billion times over a 27 year period.

I look at it now as either you drink or you don't drink. To me relapse is just a nice term to describe that you lied to yourself and drank again after you decided not to.

StPeteGrad

I believe actual relapse is the time up to the drink where you aren't taking the right measures to make abstinence possible. Drinking is the result of complete relapse.

bayliss

I think both sides make sense...
I agree with Symmetry; it depends on your goal.
What is my goal? I am not sure yet...do I want to stop drinking all together? I think right now I definitely want to and need to cut down. I used to drank on a daily basis...I definitely don't have to drink during the week...or does that even matter?
I think personally, I shouldn't drink throughout the week and a couple of beers over the weekend are alright - that's just for me though...that is my goal right now. Who know's...maybe one day I will decide to just stop drinking all together unless it's a special occasion or something.
I have just been thinking a lot lately on my goals and what I need to do with my drinking...
Drinking throughout the week though; right now for me, is not an option.

ETA

I guess I would consider that a slip but am quit sure that a slip will very likely lead to a relapse

The name of this site "Sober Recovery" would imply that the goal is to be complete sober - no drinking at all.

Personally I don't get too hung up on labels.

Am I an alcoholic? I don't know but alcohol has sure screwed up my life and, after years of trying moderate, I now know that I need to quit completely.

If I had a drink would it be a relapse or a slip? I don't know but it sure as hell would be a mistake.

Symmetry

I knew I needed to quit by the way I feel about myself. I don't like myself when I drink. The things I say and do are out of my control while im drinking. I feel have severe anxiety and self loathing a day after drinking. There was a time when drinking wasn't an issue for me and that was before I became a member of SR. I don't want to torture myself. I need encouragement to not drink. I'm getting that here. I am at peace with this goal. I hope you are at peace with yours. That's what's important.

TheTinMan

For me relapse is putting any alcohol to my mouth and drink. For me relapse is death.

Boleo

I relapsed enough times to learn that any amount of alcohol will light the fuse that causes a full-fledged relapse explosion (sooner or later).

doggonecarl

It is amazing how quick the alcoholic mind can make us forget the grief and sorrow our drinking caused us. This, Bayliss, from your first post:

"I'm Bayliss...25 years old...realized I was an alcoholic not too long ago. I never drank when I was a teenager or began my 20s but the past three years I have been drinking frequently and the past year I have been drinking quite heavily...everyday, sometimes in the mornings, usually all day on weekends.
I have tried several times to quit...I would go weekdays with no drink and weekends with...and that worked a bit...and then I just started drinking again everyday...I usually drank to the point of blacking out.
The other day I was admitted to hospital for severe chest pain which ended up being severe acid reflux from binge drinking...the blood work was riddled with alcohol {the doctor kept asking me if I had a problem}.
The next day my boyfriend didn't really speak to me. He then later on told me that if I don't get my stuff together that he was going to leave me...he didn't want to deal with it anymore. "

If you decide you can drink moderately, and try it, I hope it works out for you.

Dee74

Carl beat me to it.

Bayliss, you're an adult - you can do as you wish - but please do give this more thought.

I know from experience any amount of alcohol can set me off...once that happens all bets are off.

I went out for a night of drinking once, cos I'd been 'doing so well' - I didn't stop again for two years.

D

aidadeb

I am new to sr. I have tried many times to be a social drinker, but always end up binging. I can stop drinking on my own, but I have several triggers. I started this heavy drinking a few years ago, when I began to live alone. I am so lonely that alcohol became my companion. I have low self-esteem, which can also trigger my drinking. I am also bored be alone with nothing to do at night, so again I would drink. Any lastly I am a realtor which is a very stressful job, especially in this very down market. I have to support myself, so I get anxious when I don't sell a house and then I turn to the alcohol. But I do think that my worse trigger is the loneliness. I am afraid to date because of my drinking, so this has become a vicious cycle. I continue to be alone and lonely. I don't know if I will ever drink again, because the one drink seems to always become many. I don't want to live a life of relapsing. Anyway, I'm rambling...just finished a 5 day binge and needed some support. Bayliss...don't beat yourself up like we always do. I think you just had a slip. Hugs

artsoul

Sound like one of those tricks our addiction plays on us.......Just a question: do you really think you'd be happy with 2 beers? Personally, if I felt good after two, I'd want to continue that feeling or increase it. I think it would be terribly frustrating. I'd have to figure out which day I would drink, whether I'd save it until late at night or not, whether the next weekend I could have a glass of wine with dinner instead of one of the beers.....etc. etc.....

To me, relapse isn't about the quantity - it's about starting up the obsession again and I just don't want it in my thoughts anymore. I tried to drink moderately (twice) though - I think most of us have done that at some time.......

Mark75

You have to be recovered, from anything, really, to have a relapse... You know?

ETA

That's a very interesting way to look at it. So much of addiction in the mind I cans see how a relapse could happen before an actual drink is taken.

BunnyLoves

I believe a relapse is when you strive to stay sober and give in to temptation. So for me, a glass of wine would be a relapse, especially since it was my fave thing to drink!