It's not OK
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
Buelah get on that! I wish it were that easy, I'd be cured in a day! Thank you for the kind words.
So you all know my screen name comes from my daughter. We called her squishy when she was born, it just seemed to fit, she was so squishyable and lovely. And now I'm hoping it gives me strength to keep going. :-) Love you all for your support! I raise my water and salute you all, what a great group of peeps we have here.
So you all know my screen name comes from my daughter. We called her squishy when she was born, it just seemed to fit, she was so squishyable and lovely. And now I'm hoping it gives me strength to keep going. :-) Love you all for your support! I raise my water and salute you all, what a great group of peeps we have here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kooskia, Idaho
Posts: 406
I'm just glad that you came back after one night..Time is precious, especially when you
are a parent..my son is out of the house now, I can't get that time back..Trust me, you
don't want to feel that regret.
It is a new day....And you are sober again, that's all that matters! Keep looking forward!
are a parent..my son is out of the house now, I can't get that time back..Trust me, you
don't want to feel that regret.
It is a new day....And you are sober again, that's all that matters! Keep looking forward!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by FNB3 
I relapsed several times from quitting alcohol over ten years ago. Back then, every time I told myself or others that I was "never going to drink again" there was always a little piece of doubt or hesitation in the back of my head. I now realize that I had left the "option" open to drink in case things didn't quite go my way or were just crappy enough. After numerous attempts and various consequences of drinking I took away that "option" to go back to drinking and it worked. I can't explain it but it was just a feeling and a sensation that I knew that the "option" to drink incase of xyz was gone.
This was the exact same time that I realized that if the "option" to drink was gone that I had to get to work on myself and come up with different ways to handle life. The important message I'm trying to get across is that as long as I left the "option" available in the back of my head, the addict part of my brain would have me do ANYTHING it needed me to do to get me there.
I can feel your frustration but know that you are in a better spot in recovery than you think. Sounds to me like you are ready to take away that "option" for yourself.
This was the exact same time that I realized that if the "option" to drink was gone that I had to get to work on myself and come up with different ways to handle life. The important message I'm trying to get across is that as long as I left the "option" available in the back of my head, the addict part of my brain would have me do ANYTHING it needed me to do to get me there.
I can feel your frustration but know that you are in a better spot in recovery than you think. Sounds to me like you are ready to take away that "option" for yourself.
This flies in the face of conventional wisdom, but in my case, whenever I quit "one day at a time" it just did not work. I had to quit FOREVER.
Perhaps the same is true for you?
Try this experiment:
Say "I will not drink just for today."
Observe your thoughts, your feelings. You'll probably not be too worried, not too stressed.
Now, say "I will NEVER DRINK AGAIN."
Observe your thoughts, your feelings. You'll probably feel some fear, some anxiety, something churning in your gut.
What is happening is that if you quit "just for today" or you leave the option open for future drinking, the part of you that wants to drink again isn't too worried, because "just for today" means "check back with me tomorrow" - it will just sit and wait, in hiding, until the right moment comes along to drink again.Observe your thoughts, your feelings. You'll probably not be too worried, not too stressed.
Now, say "I will NEVER DRINK AGAIN."
Observe your thoughts, your feelings. You'll probably feel some fear, some anxiety, something churning in your gut.
If you say "I will NEVER drink again," though, that little ******* is going to get really scared, because it knows that you can quit for good, and you'll hear all sorts of reasons in your head as to why you "need" to drink.
People like "one day at a time" because they don't have to feel the anxiety and that annoying voice in their head, but in many cases, it is better to hear that annoying voice than not to. At least then you'll know what you're up against.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 200
Originally Posted by Wolfy87
Think about other people in life. Think about people that might depend on you to be sober one day. Think about people that care about you and might need you someday. Try being sober not only for yourself, but others that care about you. You have found a lot of people here that care about you; we care about you and want you to be sober.
Caring about the needs of others first before my own has helped me stay sober.
Caring about the needs of others first before my own has helped me stay sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
When I first got sober, even tho I'd nearly died, I still wasn't ready for 'forever'.
The darkside was strong in me...
The thought of forever was immense, immutable and terrifying. More than once that fear sent me scurrying back to what I knew...alcohol.
I could just about wrap my head around staying sober for today though.
Gradually with enough 'todays', I grew a little and I changed...and by about 90 days I knew for sure I wanted this to be my life for good, for keeps, forever.
Whatever works, right?
D
The darkside was strong in me...
The thought of forever was immense, immutable and terrifying. More than once that fear sent me scurrying back to what I knew...alcohol.
I could just about wrap my head around staying sober for today though.
Gradually with enough 'todays', I grew a little and I changed...and by about 90 days I knew for sure I wanted this to be my life for good, for keeps, forever.
Whatever works, right?
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Dee74
When I first got sober, even tho I'd nearly died, I still wasn't ready for 'forever'.
The darkside was strong in me...
The thought of forever was immense, immutable and terrifying. More than once that fear sent me scurrying back to what I knew...alcohol.
I could just about wrap my head around staying sober for today though.
Gradually with enough 'todays', I grew a little and I changed...and by about 90 days I knew for sure I wanted this to be my life for good, for keeps, forever.
Whatever works, right?
D
The darkside was strong in me...
The thought of forever was immense, immutable and terrifying. More than once that fear sent me scurrying back to what I knew...alcohol.
I could just about wrap my head around staying sober for today though.
Gradually with enough 'todays', I grew a little and I changed...and by about 90 days I knew for sure I wanted this to be my life for good, for keeps, forever.
Whatever works, right?
D
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
Use whatever works...there is no right way and I can't stand when some people in different recovery programs, with different ideas, give a hard time to someone that is not doing it the same way as them.
Have you ever met some people in recovery that seem to slip up about every six months or so? I have. I would like to further investigate correlations to polar shifts, moon cycles, seasons and the specific time aspect involved in how the mind and body tolerates stress. I know there is something there somewhere.
Personally I found that if I had it in the back of my mind that I could drink again, I could manage to stay dry for just around 6 months. As long as I knew somehow that I would get that release again, I swear that it had a calming effect and that I would be "ok" for a while. The finality of "never" really brought on a new kind of anxiety.
I don't know how the "long term", dry folks do it...it has to be incredibly stressful and detrimental to the mind and body.
For me the decision to work on sobriety wasn't born in the idea that I would be pursuing some fantasy land but was rather a moment of "oh crap! I have to do this so I can avoid certain use again".
Have you ever met some people in recovery that seem to slip up about every six months or so? I have. I would like to further investigate correlations to polar shifts, moon cycles, seasons and the specific time aspect involved in how the mind and body tolerates stress. I know there is something there somewhere.
Personally I found that if I had it in the back of my mind that I could drink again, I could manage to stay dry for just around 6 months. As long as I knew somehow that I would get that release again, I swear that it had a calming effect and that I would be "ok" for a while. The finality of "never" really brought on a new kind of anxiety.
I don't know how the "long term", dry folks do it...it has to be incredibly stressful and detrimental to the mind and body.
For me the decision to work on sobriety wasn't born in the idea that I would be pursuing some fantasy land but was rather a moment of "oh crap! I have to do this so I can avoid certain use again".
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by FNB3
Personally I found that if I had it in the back of my mind that I could drink again, I could manage to stay dry for just around 6 months. As long as I knew somehow that I would get that release again, I swear that it had a calming effect and that I would be "ok" for a while. The finality of "never" really brought on a new kind of anxiety.
Speaking only for myself here, but worrying about feelings, and then using that synthetic buzz to avoid those feelings, was a big part of the problem. I've had to learn to just let them come as they may. I no longer worry so much about whether I have "good" feelings or "bad" feelings - anger, resentment, anxiety, etc - feelings are feelings. They are there for a reason, they won't kill me, and I don't need to "run away" from them.
Trying to "feel good" (or not "feel bad") may very well have gotten me into this mess in the first place.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
SqB great to see you back on here. I was thinking about you today and sending out cyber strength and hope your way lol.
I love that name Squishyboots.
Anyway just wanted to stop by and say hey glad to see we are both off the wood today.
Ya never know though I might be on it tomorrow and then you will have to remind me to get off it..
Have a great nite.. Peace & blessings
I love that name Squishyboots.
Anyway just wanted to stop by and say hey glad to see we are both off the wood today.
Ya never know though I might be on it tomorrow and then you will have to remind me to get off it..
Have a great nite.. Peace & blessings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
So I made it to day 2! WOOHOO You know what? I didn't even mind the night sweats. Its kind of cleansing in a way...Is that weird?
The sleepness/restlessness is hard, but after 4 years with babies/toddlers I can handle that. I was told yesterday to just say I'm sober today and handle one day at a time. That is WAY more manageable than seeing that for life. So I hope all my friends did well last night and you are all here for another day. Thank you again for helping through 1 more day!
The sleepness/restlessness is hard, but after 4 years with babies/toddlers I can handle that. I was told yesterday to just say I'm sober today and handle one day at a time. That is WAY more manageable than seeing that for life. So I hope all my friends did well last night and you are all here for another day. Thank you again for helping through 1 more day!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Hey Squish - You are still in our June class! I just wanted to say that taking things daily is what has helped me get to my strong 23rd day today. I'm going to reiterate what so many others have posted: In the past I always said "I can never drink again" and it was wayyyy too overwhelming. Now I break it up and say "i will not drink today" (learned from SR - Thanks, guys!) and it's MUCH more manageable. Those days are adding up and I feel stronger than any other time I have quit. I am not taking that for granted and just strive to stay ahead.
The other thing I learned on SR is to play through the whole drinking instance, not just what that first 3 drinks will bring me. I thought of 6 drinks in, the phone calls to people I wouldn't be calling sober, passing out, the HANGOVER, the guilt, the self-loathing. After I played through the whole scenario - I didn't want to do it.
Sorry if this is redundant from all of the other posts, but it works!! Glad you are still here!
The other thing I learned on SR is to play through the whole drinking instance, not just what that first 3 drinks will bring me. I thought of 6 drinks in, the phone calls to people I wouldn't be calling sober, passing out, the HANGOVER, the guilt, the self-loathing. After I played through the whole scenario - I didn't want to do it.
Sorry if this is redundant from all of the other posts, but it works!! Glad you are still here!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
Bratnik - isn't that a horrible feeling when you wake up the next morning and think "what drunken email did I send to others". So, you run to your computer and go either "oh crap" or "thank goodness". I dreaded the ones where I could tell I had been drinking as I would repeat myself over and over in the same email. I'm glad I shut down my computer many nights before I had the chance, but when I didn't....
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Buelah, that's one feeling I definitely don't miss. I mean, I can think of plenty of worse things I did when I was drunk, but some of those rambling nonsensical ranting emails rank in my top ten embarassing/shameful moments. Thank God for sobriety. Now if I embarass myself, it's because I really AM that big of a dork.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
You guys are awesome! Thank you for the ongoing support. I'm on day 2 and as it goes on, I'm pretty fuzzy today, but hanging in there. Not easy to work like this, but I'll take it over the alternative! I'll keep checking in and letting you know that I'm still part of the June group. :-) Tonight its me and the kiddos - hmmmm what to do, maybe a bunch of cooking?
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