revealing I'm an alcoholic?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 65
revealing I'm an alcoholic?
Good morning everyone,
There is something going on that I feel is a big sticking point for my recovery. Internally, I have admitted that I have a drinking problem. I am in my mid-twenties, have been drinking for almost ten years, and much of my drinking was out of control bingeing done to lessen feelings of low self-esteem and anxiety. However, just because I have come to this realization about myself does not mean that I feel comfortable telling other people, especially people my own age. I just feel like if I tell people I'm an alcoholic they will think I'm some kind of loser or weakling. So far in my recovery when people have noticed me not drinking and have asked me why, I have given various excuses, but I haven't yet said the words "I'm an alcoholic." I feel a lot of shame and stigma associated with this word. My sponsor says that the Anonymous part of "AA" is important, that I don't have to reveal that I'm an alcoholic to anyone I don't want to, but this kind of makes me feel like I'm leading a double life, calling myself an alcoholic in the rooms but not doing so to the outside world.
Any other newbies feel this way? Anyone with more experience have any insights into this situation? Thanks.
There is something going on that I feel is a big sticking point for my recovery. Internally, I have admitted that I have a drinking problem. I am in my mid-twenties, have been drinking for almost ten years, and much of my drinking was out of control bingeing done to lessen feelings of low self-esteem and anxiety. However, just because I have come to this realization about myself does not mean that I feel comfortable telling other people, especially people my own age. I just feel like if I tell people I'm an alcoholic they will think I'm some kind of loser or weakling. So far in my recovery when people have noticed me not drinking and have asked me why, I have given various excuses, but I haven't yet said the words "I'm an alcoholic." I feel a lot of shame and stigma associated with this word. My sponsor says that the Anonymous part of "AA" is important, that I don't have to reveal that I'm an alcoholic to anyone I don't want to, but this kind of makes me feel like I'm leading a double life, calling myself an alcoholic in the rooms but not doing so to the outside world.
Any other newbies feel this way? Anyone with more experience have any insights into this situation? Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
I dont see why we have to disclose it to anyone except ourselves and sponsor. Its a medical condition. Do you discuss other medical issues with people? I dont. If Im asked if i want a drink I answer honestly "I sure do want one but I better not"
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Hi Comanche,
I think it's a personal decision and you should do whatever makes you most comfortable. I realize it can be difficult. I don't use the alcoholic label outside of SR. Imo, it's a loaded term for too many people and so many people have different opinions of what it means -- I don't need their presumptions. I simply say that I decided to stop drinking or that I don't drink (if I'm meeting someone new). If someone is curious or prying, I tell them a little more: that I don't believe all people are biologically suited to drinking, that drinking was a negative experience for me, and that cutting out alcohol entirely was the best solution.
Good luck to you!
I think it's a personal decision and you should do whatever makes you most comfortable. I realize it can be difficult. I don't use the alcoholic label outside of SR. Imo, it's a loaded term for too many people and so many people have different opinions of what it means -- I don't need their presumptions. I simply say that I decided to stop drinking or that I don't drink (if I'm meeting someone new). If someone is curious or prying, I tell them a little more: that I don't believe all people are biologically suited to drinking, that drinking was a negative experience for me, and that cutting out alcohol entirely was the best solution.
Good luck to you!
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
I had a boss that was in his late 50's and was never a drinker, despite being a professional musician and playing in bars his entire life. I asked him why he didn't drink, and he said "I just don't like the taste. If someone offered me a choice of either a milkshake or ANY alcoholic beverage, I'll take a milkshake 10 times out of 10."
I loved that explanation, and I honestly feel the same way as him. So that's the answer I'm going to stick with for the rest of my life.
I loved that explanation, and I honestly feel the same way as him. So that's the answer I'm going to stick with for the rest of my life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by comanche 
Good morning everyone,
There is something going on that I feel is a big sticking point for my recovery. Internally, I have admitted that I have a drinking problem. I am in my mid-twenties, have been drinking for almost ten years, and much of my drinking was out of control bingeing done to lessen feelings of low self-esteem and anxiety. However, just because I have come to this realization about myself does not mean that I feel comfortable telling other people, especially people my own age. I just feel like if I tell people I'm an alcoholic they will think I'm some kind of loser or weakling. So far in my recovery when people have noticed me not drinking and have asked me why, I have given various excuses, but I haven't yet said the words "I'm an alcoholic." I feel a lot of shame and stigma associated with this word. My sponsor says that the Anonymous part of "AA" is important, that I don't have to reveal that I'm an alcoholic to anyone I don't want to, but this kind of makes me feel like I'm leading a double life, calling myself an alcoholic in the rooms but not doing so to the outside world.
Any other newbies feel this way? Anyone with more experience have any insights into this situation? Thanks.
There is something going on that I feel is a big sticking point for my recovery. Internally, I have admitted that I have a drinking problem. I am in my mid-twenties, have been drinking for almost ten years, and much of my drinking was out of control bingeing done to lessen feelings of low self-esteem and anxiety. However, just because I have come to this realization about myself does not mean that I feel comfortable telling other people, especially people my own age. I just feel like if I tell people I'm an alcoholic they will think I'm some kind of loser or weakling. So far in my recovery when people have noticed me not drinking and have asked me why, I have given various excuses, but I haven't yet said the words "I'm an alcoholic." I feel a lot of shame and stigma associated with this word. My sponsor says that the Anonymous part of "AA" is important, that I don't have to reveal that I'm an alcoholic to anyone I don't want to, but this kind of makes me feel like I'm leading a double life, calling myself an alcoholic in the rooms but not doing so to the outside world.
Any other newbies feel this way? Anyone with more experience have any insights into this situation? Thanks.
For my part, I don't do "I'm an alcoholic" - not in AA, not on SR, not anywhere.
If asked, I say "I don't drink," which is the truth. I haven't had many press me further than this, but if they do, I say "it is wrong for me to drink" - which comes off as similar to "it's against my religion" - VERY few people will dare press further, mostly, I suspect, out of fear that I might suggest it is wrong for THEM to drink.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
I use to feel shame and guilt that I was an
alcoholic in early recovery. The longer I worked
and lived my AA program the more comfortable
I felt in my own skin.
The knowledge I learned about alcoholism and
the tools I use to help me stay sober saved my
life. It also gave me a better understanding of
my disease and allowed me to accept it comfortably.
As time went on I realized that my soul purpose
in life and the reason I was given that second
chance in life was to help the newcomer and those
still suffering with addiction. I learned that in order
for me to stay sober and live happy addiction free
I had to give away or pass on the knowledge of
recovery that was so freely passed on to me.
To share my own ESH - experiences. strengths and
hopes of what life was like before during and after
alcohol. In doing so I have stayed sober 20 yrs of
many one days at a time collected together to get
me where I am today in life. Happy Joyous and Free.
When I go to a meeting and see the many young
people coming in those rooms to help themselves
with their addiction, makes me feel so proud of them.
They have a group within themselves that rally around
each other having fun yet working on their recovery so
they can all can have productive addiction free lives for
years to come.
They to me are such an inspiration.
So I commend you for taking advantage of a program
of recovery to learn to live by a day at a time.
This program is for you just like mine is for me.
I am sober today for me and for the many who
follow in my footsteps. I have a purpose in life
and im grateful for it. If it wouldnt be for that then
Id surely be dead by now.
I use to feel shame and guilt that I was an
alcoholic in early recovery. The longer I worked
and lived my AA program the more comfortable
I felt in my own skin.
The knowledge I learned about alcoholism and
the tools I use to help me stay sober saved my
life. It also gave me a better understanding of
my disease and allowed me to accept it comfortably.
As time went on I realized that my soul purpose
in life and the reason I was given that second
chance in life was to help the newcomer and those
still suffering with addiction. I learned that in order
for me to stay sober and live happy addiction free
I had to give away or pass on the knowledge of
recovery that was so freely passed on to me.
To share my own ESH - experiences. strengths and
hopes of what life was like before during and after
alcohol. In doing so I have stayed sober 20 yrs of
many one days at a time collected together to get
me where I am today in life. Happy Joyous and Free.
When I go to a meeting and see the many young
people coming in those rooms to help themselves
with their addiction, makes me feel so proud of them.
They have a group within themselves that rally around
each other having fun yet working on their recovery so
they can all can have productive addiction free lives for
years to come.
They to me are such an inspiration.
So I commend you for taking advantage of a program
of recovery to learn to live by a day at a time.
This program is for you just like mine is for me.
I am sober today for me and for the many who
follow in my footsteps. I have a purpose in life
and im grateful for it. If it wouldnt be for that then
Id surely be dead by now.
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
Hi Early in my recovery from alcohol (I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict), I was very hesitant to disclose that indeed I was an alcoholic to others - although I knew within myself that I indeed I am one. As long as you stay true to yourself, it is no one else's business, imo. If you don't feel comfortable disclosing that informations, leave it at that There is a stigma surrounding addiction and mental health and I only share these things with those I am close to. You're not alone!
-Jess
Early in my recovery from alcohol (I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict), I was very hesitant to disclose that indeed I was an alcoholic to others - although I knew within myself that I indeed I am one. As long as you stay true to yourself, it is no one else's business, imo. If you don't feel comfortable disclosing that informations, leave it at that There is a stigma surrounding addiction and mental health and I only share these things with those I am close to. You're not alone!-Jess
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Originally Posted by comanche
Good morning everyone,
I am in my mid-twenties, have been drinking for almost ten years, and much of my drinking was out of control bingeing done to lessen feelings of low self-esteem and anxiety.
I am in my mid-twenties, have been drinking for almost ten years, and much of my drinking was out of control bingeing done to lessen feelings of low self-esteem and anxiety.
What is nonsense was my reasoning. Binging only lowered my self esteem to extraordinary depths and increased my anxiety exponentially. The reality was my "solution" or "reason" compounded the problem I was trying to fix.
Instead I have to now find real solutions. I eat well, exercise, participate in group and community activities, work hard, and play hard. These activities reduce anxiety and increase self esteem. Exercise and eating well will begin to decrease anxiety immediately. The self-esteem part just takes time.
It is like the smoker, that says they smoke to decrease their anxiety. The reality is that nicotine increases anxiety. The only thing a smoker is doing is adding nicotine to fight withdrawal and this relaxes them temporarily only to have to do it again, but the anxiety increases more and more.
It appears that you are doing the right things. Watch your diet, add some exercise and time will help with the healing and "thinking". Positive action in life will yield positive results in self-esteem. One day you will just wake up and say wow, my life has completely changed in all aspects. I did.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Most people don't realize the stigma that is identified to the word alcoholic. I worked in the medical field and was rather 'disturbed' over their lack of understanding and cooperation with my condition.
Besides not admitting it to yourself you shouldn't have to feel that you need to admit to anyone else. This is a trust issue, as well as, a self confidence issue. You are in a situation where you are having a hard time coming to grips with being a drinker. That's fine. Its easier to admit we have a drinking problem rather than the label of being an alcoholic.
The trust comes in to play in your environment. You don't want to be -you don't need to be telling everyone that askes you why you aren't drinking. First of all, its none of their business but secondly, gossip spreads (I know it does around here in a town of less than 1000) and who knows what the outcome of the story will be. You shouldn't feel like you have to "tell" anyone. Its just none of their business why you don't feel like drinking. You don't have to label yourself and you don't have to offer any excuses.
Besides not admitting it to yourself you shouldn't have to feel that you need to admit to anyone else. This is a trust issue, as well as, a self confidence issue. You are in a situation where you are having a hard time coming to grips with being a drinker. That's fine. Its easier to admit we have a drinking problem rather than the label of being an alcoholic.
The trust comes in to play in your environment. You don't want to be -you don't need to be telling everyone that askes you why you aren't drinking. First of all, its none of their business but secondly, gossip spreads (I know it does around here in a town of less than 1000) and who knows what the outcome of the story will be. You shouldn't feel like you have to "tell" anyone. Its just none of their business why you don't feel like drinking. You don't have to label yourself and you don't have to offer any excuses.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Since I talked all around what your post was about to you I will add that I don't go around calling myself or thinking of myself as an alcoholic. The fact is that drinking does not agree with me. That is all I have to tell people or think to myself. I don't do it because it doesn't agree with me. Since it doesn't do anything for me, then why should I do it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 65
Thank you everyone who has responded so far. The fact is that I am pretty immature emotionally and don't really know how to just feel comfortable within myself. Since I first stopped drinking a few months ago, I have told quite a few people that I have a drinking problem, just because I felt like I for some reason needed to explain myself. Now I wish I had just kept my mouth shut, but oh well the past is the past. I will definitely take these suggestions into account as I go forward.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I don't know how old I was when I had my first sip of alcohol but feel sure I was a child
as I am ACOA. My first drunk was 16 or 17
and entered AA when I was 30. 20 yrs. later
sober and 51 yrs old, I still feel emotionally
young.
I think I wanna stay forever young.
8
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Originally Posted by aasharon90
I don't know how old I was when I had my first sip of alcohol but feel sure I was a child
as I am ACOA. My first drunk was 16 or 17
and entered AA when I was 30. 20 yrs. later
sober and 51 yrs old, I still feel emotionally
young.
I think I wanna stay forever young.
8
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
The challenge with not making it clear that you don't drink for important reasons is that it can often encourage people to pester you to drink. I believe there are ways to convey the significance of what you are doing without getting heavy and burdensome. I usually make a little bit of fun of myself, by saying things like...
"I'm not very good at it."
"I would, but I need to wake up in this state tomorrow."
"I'm not very good at it."
"I would, but I need to wake up in this state tomorrow."
billsaintjames are you looking at me?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 93
The word alcoholic does carry a stigma. I only use it in reference to myself when speaking with my wife. I would never use it in my other circles of friends. Currently when offered a drink or asked why I am not drinking I simply say "I'm laying off for a while, trying to get healthy." How do you rebut that? "You shouldn't get healthy." I haven't been able to find any benefit to telling others I am alcoholic, hell if they have any sense at all they should be able to figure it out for themselves.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Thank you everyone who has responded so far. The fact is that I am pretty immature emotionally and don't really know how to just feel comfortable within myself. Since I first stopped drinking a few months ago, I have told quite a few people that I have a drinking problem, just because I felt like I for some reason needed to explain myself...
Its' a long life Comanche. You learn life lessons as you go. That's why we have mistakes so we can learn and move on. But of course, as the saying goes, insanity is making the same mistake and expecting different results. I didn't learn the first time -it took almost 30 years to realize that I needed to quit. If I quit when I was young my time wouldn't be right and I wouldn't have learned the lessons I needed to get through. I 'like' to consider myself wiser and in tune with myself.
You will get there...I think sooner than most. You seem like an intelligent person and willing to make amends and willing to learn. You'll be fine.
Don't worry about what people think or say. They're gonna talk regardless if you have a drinking problem or a third ear.
Its' a long life Comanche. You learn life lessons as you go. That's why we have mistakes so we can learn and move on. But of course, as the saying goes, insanity is making the same mistake and expecting different results. I didn't learn the first time -it took almost 30 years to realize that I needed to quit. If I quit when I was young my time wouldn't be right and I wouldn't have learned the lessons I needed to get through. I 'like' to consider myself wiser and in tune with myself.
You will get there...I think sooner than most. You seem like an intelligent person and willing to make amends and willing to learn. You'll be fine.
Don't worry about what people think or say. They're gonna talk regardless if you have a drinking problem or a third ear.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
When I started I told everyone - I thought it was important to be honest and upfront.
But to be frank it caused a lot of discomfort for others, and I eventually realised I didn't
need to proclaim it from the rooftops to be honest, upfront or to accept it in myself.
I'll mention it if I have to, but 99.99% of the time I don't drink is all I need to say
If it makes you feel more comfortable add a 'for my health'
D
But to be frank it caused a lot of discomfort for others, and I eventually realised I didn't
need to proclaim it from the rooftops to be honest, upfront or to accept it in myself.
I'll mention it if I have to, but 99.99% of the time I don't drink is all I need to say
If it makes you feel more comfortable add a 'for my health'
D
Last edited by Dee74; 05-03-2011 at 05:28 PM.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I'm not very good at making things up on the spot, so if anyone asks I'll just tell them I felt like I was drinking too much. That's the whole truth, but "too much" could actually be any amount.......
A few family members already know I've had trouble because I've been to treatment in the past, but my sister is in AA as well, so I have everyone's understanding and support. And only one friend has ever asked me why I wasn't drinking, and it was a close friend who also has a problem with it.
You'll figure it out...... and besides, everyone has problems/issues, believe me...... and I think most people admire someone who has the courage to turn their life around. I wouldn't worry about it too much!
A few family members already know I've had trouble because I've been to treatment in the past, but my sister is in AA as well, so I have everyone's understanding and support. And only one friend has ever asked me why I wasn't drinking, and it was a close friend who also has a problem with it.
You'll figure it out...... and besides, everyone has problems/issues, believe me...... and I think most people admire someone who has the courage to turn their life around. I wouldn't worry about it too much!
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