suic

I now realized why I've been struggling for the past year. I hadn't completely done step one yet. I heard in AA that you need to do Step 1 100% and I hadn't because I still held on to the delusional notion that sometime in the future I could still smoke marijuana. I need to finally realize that that is false and it's a lie manufactured by my sick brain. I am an alcoholic. Absolutely no reservations about that. You could also say I am an addict since I have had such a fondness for marijuana and benzos. Now I need to finally move forward and turn my thinking into the care of a power greater than myself, then do a thorough moral inventory, then clean house and make amends for my disgusting behavior. I have a support network, I just hadn't utilized it and that is entirely my fault. I tried "half measures" and they availed me nothing. Egads the book is correct.

Seth84

Yep, it's hard to accept you can't have something you have been close to for so long.

Dee74

great decision suic - sounds like it's a turning point for you :

D

suic

I just accept now that what I believe is delusional and that's why we need to utilize the higher power. I know what to do, now I need to man up and do it.

GettingStronger2

Kind of scary, huh? Glad you have made some important realizations. Surrender yourself completely to the program and do what the book tells you to do, and you will be amazed!

Anna

I'm glad you've found something that works for you.

artsoul

Sounds like you've made a good solid insight there, suic...... All the best in moving forward!