Feel like ***.How to deal with the guilt?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
Feel like ***.How to deal with the guilt?
hello again, long time no log.
I was in the March class but now i will have to be moved to the May class...
So i had a drink the other night while working (always a bad idea) Hard not to do though when you work in a bar.. I managed to quit two other times , first for 8 months second for 4.
Anyways...I drunk till i dropped. Have blackouts, boss-friend called me the next day to yell etc etc..I feel SO guilty. My bf thinks that i slept with a customer that had the kindness to take me home (i didnt)....
But i feel SO guilty? about drinking. I always feel guilty even if i just have 2 drinks, the next day will be full of guilt....
How to get rid of the guilt? It has a reason to be there, i get that. But its too much! What will happen if i really do something bad?How would i feel then?
Im trying to tell to myself that everything is going to be ok, it was a bad night, my friends will still be talking to me etc etc but i cant manage it...
I think im a horrible horrible person. I think my friends will stop taalking to me, that they hate me, that they find me discusting and irrespensable and worst that my bf will dump me (he has a drinking problem too)...I hate myself and i feel so guilty..
Is this normal?
I was in the March class but now i will have to be moved to the May class...
So i had a drink the other night while working (always a bad idea) Hard not to do though when you work in a bar.. I managed to quit two other times , first for 8 months second for 4.
Anyways...I drunk till i dropped. Have blackouts, boss-friend called me the next day to yell etc etc..I feel SO guilty. My bf thinks that i slept with a customer that had the kindness to take me home (i didnt)....
But i feel SO guilty? about drinking. I always feel guilty even if i just have 2 drinks, the next day will be full of guilt....
How to get rid of the guilt? It has a reason to be there, i get that. But its too much! What will happen if i really do something bad?How would i feel then?
Im trying to tell to myself that everything is going to be ok, it was a bad night, my friends will still be talking to me etc etc but i cant manage it...
I think im a horrible horrible person. I think my friends will stop taalking to me, that they hate me, that they find me discusting and irrespensable and worst that my bf will dump me (he has a drinking problem too)...I hate myself and i feel so guilty..
Is this normal?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I can't say why you feel guilty, but I was ashamed of myself and the life I was leading.
I guess the easiest way to get rid of the immediate guilt (and this isn't meant as a wiseguy answer) is to...not drink and get yourself into situations you feel guilty for.
Find the support that works for you - make the changes you need to make.
As I stayed sober and sober longer I had more positive memories to replace the bad ones - I did my best to make my recovery a kind of living amends for the things I'd done wrong before.
The past is done - we can't change it - but we can very much affect our present, and through that our future.
Start again Critter. Start today
D
I guess the easiest way to get rid of the immediate guilt (and this isn't meant as a wiseguy answer) is to...not drink and get yourself into situations you feel guilty for.
Find the support that works for you - make the changes you need to make.
As I stayed sober and sober longer I had more positive memories to replace the bad ones - I did my best to make my recovery a kind of living amends for the things I'd done wrong before.
The past is done - we can't change it - but we can very much affect our present, and through that our future.
Start again Critter. Start today
D
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Wow. Not to threadjack but todays my day one and im a bartender ....i was going to make a thread for peoples opinions on being a sober bartender.
I definitely know it feels to be guilty or feel guilt and shame. Usually for me it eases up with the more good action I do. Cleaning my room, working out, telling my mom I love her, posting on here, etc
I definitely know it feels to be guilty or feel guilt and shame. Usually for me it eases up with the more good action I do. Cleaning my room, working out, telling my mom I love her, posting on here, etc
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
Ashamed too. Guilty that i drank again i guess. I beat myself up quit hard.
You are right about the easiest way to get out is to not drink.
I actually will feel better in about a week of soberness. I doubt i'll feel better doing anything else. It always works like that.
Im afraid my friends will think less of me..Darn, i think less of me.
Im sure it will go away by staying sober and all the rest will get fixed when the things get forgotten and they see me as i really am.
I never fool around, not even when i am drunk.
I dont want to lose my friends, they are like family. Funny thing is that they get drunk alot more than i do, ive "saved" them from many situations. But for some odd reason im always the one that's wrong when i drink..
Thanks for moving it
and thinks for the support
You are right about the easiest way to get out is to not drink.
I actually will feel better in about a week of soberness. I doubt i'll feel better doing anything else. It always works like that.
Im afraid my friends will think less of me..Darn, i think less of me.
Im sure it will go away by staying sober and all the rest will get fixed when the things get forgotten and they see me as i really am.
I never fool around, not even when i am drunk.
I dont want to lose my friends, they are like family. Funny thing is that they get drunk alot more than i do, ive "saved" them from many situations. But for some odd reason im always the one that's wrong when i drink..
Thanks for moving it
and thinks for the support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
Livelikegold, hijack as much as you want, im a bartender and have been a sober bartender too. Its tough, real tough, but it can happen.
My first rule, which i broke the other day, is never ever think you will stop at one drink. If they give you shots, well first off, you are the one that makes them so fill yourself an empty bottle of vodka with water and make your shots from that bottle. If anyone gets suspicious tell them you dont like to mix drinks so you drink straight vodka.
Once you make it through the first week you will realise that there actual is no reason to drink at all, even if you are at a bar. Even sober you have the same amount of fun that your friends are having, even more actually cause you lack the "next day" headaches and shame.
Darn i still feel bad. Why do people think that you sleep with the guy that takes you home?How to prove to them that you didnt even drunk?
Im a good person, do my friends still remember that?
My first rule, which i broke the other day, is never ever think you will stop at one drink. If they give you shots, well first off, you are the one that makes them so fill yourself an empty bottle of vodka with water and make your shots from that bottle. If anyone gets suspicious tell them you dont like to mix drinks so you drink straight vodka.
Once you make it through the first week you will realise that there actual is no reason to drink at all, even if you are at a bar. Even sober you have the same amount of fun that your friends are having, even more actually cause you lack the "next day" headaches and shame.
Darn i still feel bad. Why do people think that you sleep with the guy that takes you home?How to prove to them that you didnt even drunk?
Im a good person, do my friends still remember that?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
Gosh i cant seem to shake off the bad feeling.
Warning: This is pure mumbling, but it does help.
I feel a little better after posting and talking to a couple of my friends that came over about the incident. They too told me that ok it was a bad night, but that doesnt change what we think of you. I hope the rest see it the same way, i can only hope. I know i might be making a drama of it, but i cant help it, thats my mechanism.
It always works like this. I drink and the next few days i feel guilty and ashamed about it, till i prove to myself by not drinking, that i am a good person..
Why do i feel guilty?Dunno. There must be some deep psychological reason to it.
Although i know everything will go back to normal, i just doubt it right now:/
Thanks for lsitening
Warning: This is pure mumbling, but it does help.
I feel a little better after posting and talking to a couple of my friends that came over about the incident. They too told me that ok it was a bad night, but that doesnt change what we think of you. I hope the rest see it the same way, i can only hope. I know i might be making a drama of it, but i cant help it, thats my mechanism.
It always works like this. I drink and the next few days i feel guilty and ashamed about it, till i prove to myself by not drinking, that i am a good person..
Why do i feel guilty?Dunno. There must be some deep psychological reason to it.
Although i know everything will go back to normal, i just doubt it right now:/
Thanks for lsitening
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I was a pretty 'write off' kind of a drunk....it was a shock to me back then when I found out a lot of people had a pretty low opinion of me.
Some of it was the kind of moral judgment that a lot of people make about drinkers, sure - but a lot of it was the fact I lost control when I drank. I did out of character and foolish inappropriate things.
I wasn't really ready to admit that then.
I'm not surprised people stopped trusting me.
But with a little time and a lot of effort I got that trust back - from everyone who counts anyway
The journey starts with a single step...
D
Some of it was the kind of moral judgment that a lot of people make about drinkers, sure - but a lot of it was the fact I lost control when I drank. I did out of character and foolish inappropriate things.
I wasn't really ready to admit that then.
I'm not surprised people stopped trusting me.
But with a little time and a lot of effort I got that trust back - from everyone who counts anyway
The journey starts with a single step...
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
The good thing about me as a drunk(if there ever is a good thing) is that i dont go out of character. Sure i talk a little louder and a little more than i use too but in general im still me. I dont go hit on anyone, i dont take my clothes off and run on the road or anything.
I hope the people that matter in my life will stand by me on this and i win their trust back too. My best friend has a drinking problem and got really pissed at me on this. Another friend told me he was worried. If he keeps this against me he will be unfair. I have helped him every single time he was wasted.
Well if he does hate me for this then i guess i must chose my friends better.
Anyways im just still worried cause i havent talked to everyone involved yet and i am mumbling again.
I hope the people that matter in my life will stand by me on this and i win their trust back too. My best friend has a drinking problem and got really pissed at me on this. Another friend told me he was worried. If he keeps this against me he will be unfair. I have helped him every single time he was wasted.
Well if he does hate me for this then i guess i must chose my friends better.
Anyways im just still worried cause i havent talked to everyone involved yet and i am mumbling again.
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