MIBluebird

I’ve been sitting in my car at a casino for the last hour. My husband is at a trade show here today and I came along because it’s in one of my favorite resort towns. Last year this was a weekend of drinking but with 10 weeks sober I thought I would be fine here today. I brought my kindle and my laptop and money to maybe do some gambling. Sitting in a coffee shop logged on to SR, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The smoke, the sounds of the slot machines and the alcohol flowing all around me made my head spin even though I’m not a smoker or a gambler. I had to shut off my laptop and go tell my husband that I needed to get out of there.

So I sat in the car feeling nauseous, dizzy, and not quite stable enough to drive anywhere. I was contemplating going back in and having a glass of wine. Who would know? My husband would probably be glad to get the fun me back and I wouldn’t have to tell anyone. But one glass would lead to a day of drinking and all of my hard work and self esteem would go right down the drain.

I finally felt better enough to drive to a coffee shop so I could post this. Any words of encouragement are welcome today. My hands are shaking as I write this.

jessiecat777

that is your disease talkin' sister...you have the strength i say just try to compose yourself and leave the situation as soon as your butt can....you can do it!!!!! I am here for you!!!

MIBluebird

Thanks Hightara and Jessie...I'm starting to calm down and am proud that I got myself out of there. I just had clam chowder and am drinking tea (burnt the roof of my mouth with the hot tea though!). I still can't believe how hard it hit me though...I'm been around drinking since I stopped but this came out of nowhere.

The support here means everything to me. Sitting in the car I was understanding the need of a sponsor because I don't have anyone to call in a situation like this.

Bikeguy

Can you call a cab and have them take you to the mall for some shopping or to a movie. I would try to remove myself from the temptation as soon as I could. Stay strong, you can do it!

MIBluebird

Hi Bikeguy...I did get away and am safe at a coffee shop. Don't have to go back until I pick up my husband and I plan to stay outside. Thank you...

SASA

hang in there this too shall pass. I know it is hard, but remeber how it was when you were drinking? Play the tape, you will have 1 then 2 then 3 then the bottle. After the bottle anohter one and then the party starts... tomorrow you will be all hungover and regret this. It is just not worth it

jessiecat777

hey sweetie...if it help i am around stuff too...but in a different kind of way...i was watching the show intervention...i started out watching it to help my situation and feelings but the things going on in that show are soooo graphic that i found myself right freakin there...in the spot you are...and i actually shook with fear and much to my dismay excitment. I don't watch that show anymore because it was doing more harm that good(i actually felt kinda high during the show weird i know) I guess what i am getting at with you is try and remove the temptation which is hard because your dealing with the legal drug alcohol and it is all around us...on tv at resturants, in our daily life...just know that you should be proud of yourself for where you are at with the problem and definatley someone who may not be as strong as you will read your post and will learn alot about themselves....because of you!!!!
lots of love

Missy7

Yeah. Go shopping. See a movie. Look at the list of things to do at the top of the forum--I just looked at it last night when I thought I would gnaw my fingers off and it was really lovely. With each post it gets longer and I began to realize that after about a two year functional bings (five nights a week) I hadn't been doing any of those things.

You know what to do. I'm so glad we have SR.

And I'm only a week in. Good job on the coffee shop! But find an antique mall and look at what women's lives used to be like. It's really interesting.

aasharon90

I was just posting on anothers topic where they are
in rehab right now and they are able to post here in
SR to let us know how they are doing.

How AWESOME it is to share your own experience of
early recovery with us. Right here and now you are in
a situation which you are faced with temptation and yet
you prepared yourself by bringing some tools of recovery
with you for just such emergencies.

I have to give you props for what you are doing right
now in ur life. Doing whatever you need to do to stay sober
and protect ur sobriety.

Saying your Serenity Prayer often in the heat of nervousness
will lessen the anxiety and give you peace to relax.

Keep up the good work!!!!!

MIBluebird

Thank you Jessie...everyone's kind remarks are making me cry but helping me so much. I was feeling so proud of myself because we got here last night and went out to dinner with two of my husband's friends. Red wine was flowing (my favorite) and they were trying a new kind and asked me if I wanted to taste it because they have no idea that I'm an alcoholic. My heart was in my throat looking at that very small taste of wine. I did fine though, no panic attacks and for once in my life, I was the designated driver which felt good! This morning I was up early, not hungover, and thinking this was really wonderful and the rest of my sober weekend would sail by with no problem. Too many triggers here though...winery's all over the place that were always a huge part of our weekend. In retrospect, I shouldn't have come, I wasn't ready.

jessiecat777

you should be proud....you did good....and your story helped me with my own demons...so no....thank YOU!!!!!

MIBluebird

I never thought of myself as much of a role model for anyone so that feels very good. But you know you're right, I don't usually bring my laptop for a weekend away and I brought it so I could log on to SR and I'm so thankful that I did. If I wouldn't have been able to reach out to anyone, I very well could have been sitting in the casino right now on my third or fourth glass of wine.

The caring and understanding here has been key to my recovery.

aasharon90

Now you will know which functions you can go to
and not go to. A choice whether you want to place
yourself in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.

For me, in early recovery, that would be a place......in
PEOPLE PLACES AND THINGS.....to stay away from because
that would be too close to temptations that I wanted to avoid
by all cost.

It maybe ok for family or friends to drink sucessfully where
every they maybe, however for me it's not. My top priority
would be to not drink. And letting my spouse know that being
in that kind of inviroment is not good for me in early recovery.

Role model......YOU certainly are to the many that are
starting their recovery this very moment. They will want to
know how you stayed sober thus so far and being in a
place where alcohol runs freely.....Sharing your ESH -
Experiences, strengths and hopes with the newcomer
will give them hope while keeping you sober.

Good job..!!!

Auggie

I am just so proud of you right now. I know that is a tough situation. Stay strong. We are all pulling for you.

Sending love and light.

:ghug3

Itchy

MIB,
Good move. Sounds like you are going to win your internal dialogs if you stay determined as you are today.

Remember, "It" doesn't get better, "You" get better.

Danae

So glad you posted rather than drinking!

I am almost 5 months (or maybe just over---I forget) but have found more situations lately in which I find I'm challenged. Reading other people's posts on SR helps keep me from feeling alone. Hope it helps you too.

bellakeller

:ghug3

Hang in there. You're doing great getting through this. I know it's hard but you can make it to the other side.

MsCooterBrown

Sounds like you got bombarded and overwhelmed. Remember..it is a BIGTIME mind game. You did good getting yourself out of the situation. I hate it when unexpected thoughts creep in..I was in Safeway a couple of years back. In line to check out..Neil Diamond was playing. They always pipe in music heck you usually don't even notice it. TEARS...major flowing tears and I couldn't stop crying. My mom LOVED Neil Diamond. She passed away 10 yrs ago this month as a matter of fact..so at the time she had been gone around 8. I left my cart and came home. That came out of no where and floored me. Anyway..thoughts have a way of sneaking in so it is good that you saw it and bolted...hope you don't have too long of a wait...

Dee74

I'm so glad you got through that situation - I know you can do the same with the rest of the weekend MIB

Fun you is still there btw - you just gotta give her a chance to grow into the task

Keep plugged in here - we're barracking for you MIB

D

Kmber2010

MIB....Thinking of you and wanted to say that what you did here and now is awesome - you reached out. Like others shared......not only are you helping yourself but you are helping others whether you know it or not. The power of SR. I gained so much from our community not just in direct replies to my posts or shares but by just reading others experiences.

I so can relate to how you feel since I had an experience in the beginning where the husband and I took a tour.....supposed to be a nice day out. What I didn't know was that it was booze related! Ughhhh. I mean it had free booze, a trip to a Sherry/Schnapps place, a wine tasting. OMG....I was shaking. Not so much the drinking but the ----- I don't know if I can do this. I literally had to leave this shop with the free samples of booze flowing since it was just unhealthy for me.

Point was....I couldn't reach out here as I didn't have the means but man....I sure got on here once I got home and let it out....whew what a day.

Proud of you and you keep on going