EmeraldRose

Sometimes it stinks that society can't change for us. We have to change in society.
I am very proud of you, as a fellow alcoholic, to have taken the steps and measures you needed to continue on your path. We really don't stop to think (maybe we do) that on a daily basis there are numerous tests that we have to pass to claim the prize.

Today at the gas station there was a man in front of me with a 15 bottle case of tall boys. They were checking the price so the cashier had to run back and forth to do this since it was on sale. I think the time lapse was only 2 minutes but it felt like half of forever that I stood gazing at this case sitting innocently on the counter mopping the floor with my tongue and my eyes spinning.
Then the one worker proceeded to explain that the reason she wasn't feeling good was because she drank 2 mixed drinks and a few beers last night and just felt blah. I couldn't get out of there fast enough!! LOL

mirage

I'm sorry you went through that but am SO happy for you that you got out of there and posted here! Big shout out to you from a fellow Michigander!! :ghug3

LosingmyMisery

You did great by getting out of there and how very smart to bring your laptop. It just goes to show how cunning the voice can be. We never know when or what will trigger us. It does get better though, know that, but it is always good to be prepared. Hey, I have a kindle and love it. How about checking out books on recovery and downloading a few? They have some great ones. I love surfing through the book selections. Once again, right on! What a great feeling to know that you were one step ahead of a bad outcome.

CarolD

Glad you did eat and logged on here.
Good job about getting away from the casino.

MIBluebird

You have no idea what all of your responses mean to me. I did get through the rest of the day but it reinforced that this isn't a place I should be. There are so many drinking memories here. We left there and went to another resort town to our favorite restaurant. Well, it isn't my favorite restaurant anymore. My husband made reservations in the wine cellar because that's where we sat last year and last year was a blast! So picture this...bottles of wine within my grasp, two big parties of women drinking wine and having the time of their lives. I couldn't choke down my food fast enough so I could get out of there. My husband had two scotches and then wanted an Irish coffee. He just doesn't get it...he totally blew off what happened to me at the casino but I guess I can't expect him to understand.

We are headed home today and I can't get there fast enough. And, another nasty surpise, it snowed last night! YUCK. But you know what, snow I can live with, alcohol I can't.

I feel good though...this was the worst temptation I have faced yet in my sobriety and I made it through without giving in to that alcohol demon who has been sitting on my shoulder for most of my life. Thank God I brought my computer and thank God for all of you!

Hugs and love to all.

aasharon90

Have a safe sober trip back home with support not
far away. SR has been another awesome tool Ive
incorperated in my recovery everyday even with 20
yrs sobriety.

Altho I dont have the desire to drink today I always have
to be on guard by the temptations of alcohol that are
lurking around every corner. Resturants, grocery stores,
convienent stores, gas stations, friends or family's homes
and alcohol will be around forever and I have to accept
that fact.

However, with a program of recovery and support like I
have here in SR, I can arm myself with the proper tools
to ward off those demons. That to me is comforting to
know because I never have to go thru anything alone again
by myself.

Hurray for SR...!!!!!

jessiecat777

thanks!!!!!!

Missy7

Yeah--I totally decided last night after babysitting that I would have one drink. I could do it. I was so freakin' stressed out. I needed a drink. My husband talked me down then I fell asleep a minute while he finished putting the kids to bed. Then I was tired. He swooped me up once we were off duty and we drove home (past three or four usual stopping places BTW) and I crawled into my flannel sheets with a book--which I never opened before going to sleep. He's being so good. Standing guard over me like a big sheepdog. That's saying something since he also is my main drinking buddy. Last Saturday we just travelled from bar to bar all day. No kidding. We spent about $200 in booze not to mention some other stupid stuff. Today we will work on the place then go for a walk. 8 days for me!

But it is important to me that he doesn't have to quit. He doesn't need to, obviously.

jessiecat777

in the same boat here missy...about the whole boyfriend or husband not being an alcoholic...not easy and i still find myself jealous that he can drink"normally" sucks!!! but then again if i was a so called normal drinker...i wouldn't have met such wonderful people on here and learned a better way of living...or have a better perspective on life....so really i feel i have won in those departments...positive thinking can be hard but def. worth trying

Missy7

I am so gaga about this place. I'm really surprised. First I am not a joiner. I never do well in clubs or stuff. So my diet group drives me crazy. I think it's so absurd, this skinny woman telling us how to eat. And she has never been heavy. She does have a friend who used to be heavy. Absurd.

And when everybody in the room gets all groupy and cheer or whatever, I just feel stupid. This is why I could never have gone to AA. I knew damned good and well that I needed to, I even looked up meetings in my area on several occasions lately.

But stumbling on SR might be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm just starting to figure out that maybe I will write things that no one reads---and that's good too. Have a good day!

jessiecat777

lots of love to ya missy...i agree...i am awkward in groups too......and on here you can edit what you type and rethink replies to sound kinda witty lol love it...love you guys happy sunday all..
(oh and i gained over a hundred pounds this time around...i would love you to message me with some helpful hints to lose it....it is getting bad...have to go to a treadmill stress test this week...and i know my doc. is going to crack down on me about my weight eh

aasharon90

My husband for 25 yrs was what id call an angel
with a halo and wings. First I have to be grateful
that he and his family did an intervention on me
which saved my life 20 yrs ago. Sure I was resentful
at that time, but they did for me what I surely couldnt
do for myself. Stopping the insanity.

While I was in rehab he had asked what he could do
to help me not drink and the first thing they suggested
was to remove all alcohol from our home in which he
did before i returned home.

That to me was extremely helpful, especially since
he didnt have a problem with alcohol so it didnt need
to be in the house. And drinking wasnt a top priority
in his life. His job and family were.

Over the yrs. I continued to grow and change in our
marriage having recovery as one of my top priorities
as I figured if i couldnt stay sober under any circumstances
then I couldnt and wouldnt have anything including my
life.

Our 25 yr marriage ended yrs ago because it was off balance.
My husband didnt understand my changes and I didnt understand
why he chose not to understand. We fell out of love and went
separate ways. Peacefully.

A marriage has to be balanced with both sides there for each
other support caring understanding growing together. My husband
needed more from me that I guess I couldnt give him and I needed
more from him he couldnt give me.

Im happily married again with an awesome gift in recovery
and with someone in recovery where we love care support
understand each other. A marriage that I never dreamed
I could possibly have in this life time.

Missy7

I'm glad you are okay and that the first marriage ended well. I know about balance and try to take care of my husband. I think we're okay, but who knows? Last night I told him I wished he would have a drink because it was fine with me. He didn't. That's why I continue to go out with him. I'm the problem. Not him.

jessiecat777

yo missy...i did the same thing friday evening...i literally told him to go out and have a drink...that he deserved it...he is a hard working father and works two jobs and has had to raise not only our daughter...but me a recovering pain in the ass most of the time..lol. I was worried he'd be mean when he got home because he used to when he would go out and drink...but he was not....and i really think it has something to do with the fact he sees a change in me and he won't admit it but he is def. proud of the mom and girlfriend i have be since i got clean and sober. I am definatley still a pain in the ass and quite the drama queen at times...but i am also more thoughtful...clean the house to perfection and am on top of what our teenage daughter is up to(that in itself can be a job lol)

Ranger

Tell me about it! I am hard-driving engineer who generally avoids social packs like the plague. The fact I ever graced the halls of an AA meeting room is testament to just how broken I was.

But--if only for the sake of my conscience--please indulge an admission that my squeamishness towards anything outside my small, previously established social circle helped me be a rockin' awesome alkie. Alcohol was a jealous lover and I was its dutiful, complicit accomplice.

My experience might have no parallels to your life and please know I am not sharing with the intent of nudging you towards AA. I simply want to tell you I am a hard-headed dude whose "God complex" has led me to miss out on some wonderful growth opportunities through the years.

Only in recovery have I acquired enough humility to accept the notion that if I want to be <happily sober, skinny, rich, etc>, I should do what <happily sober, skinny, rich, etc> people do! Ironically, I've found it is empowering and kinda fun to look at an individual or group that does something better than I do and have the self-confidence to say "wow, I wanna be a part of that" or "I need to do that like s/he does".

Thank you so, so much for all your posts, Missy. I get a lot from them, and I know others do too.

ulverston

it tells us in the bb about that strange mental blank spot/where we dont fully bring into focus the disastrous consequences of our last debauched spree.

you did good though you got outta there.

stinkin thinkin got me nowhere fast

jessiecat777

dude i have been in a "strange mental blank spot" since birth....and i'll tell you what...because of that fact i have to have complete focus on the consequences of my last drunk or drug spree...or this just won't work at all. I really liked that line out of the big book...makes me want to pick it back up now that i feel ready to face up to healing my soul and mind....it may even set me free and help my mental anguish that i still deal with every day....
THANKS so very much for your post!!!!!

Missy7

I know that the people for whom those groups work are somehow better off. But I just cannot do it. My flaw. Although the diet thing is kinda bull. Anyone that can stick to a 970 diet will lose weight. It's not anything she's doing. And each of those 50 or so people have paid her $290 for ten weeks of hearing about her husband and her son but NEVER about thoughtful food and certainly never about what to do if something goes wrong. Which is something I see on here all the time. People are constantly trying to keep each other on track but we know we might go off track and that cannot be ignored.

OT Rant. Sorry.

But Ranger, it goes both ways with me. Sometimes I think the group is stupid, and sometimes I think I don't fit in. It's quite the battle with me. Heck, I don't even fit in with the boozers down at the bar.

jessiecat777

hey there...vent away....it is weird that i seem to be annoyed at this very moment as well....and i almost left an angry post on the wrong thread in the wrong group..about the wrong posts left by someone who i don't even know..what a moment i had...i was typing like a maniac and the things i was typing sounded so very clever....but also i realized that that is definaly a character defect(which i never would have learned without the a structured meetings).....and although i choose not to go back to those a's...i learned alot about who i was there and would never tell someone to not go....what works for one may or may not work for all....but...i am very happy to be feeling at all at this point...the sad truth is many won't have that opportunity....oh and by the way i didn't even fit in with the boozers down at the bar as well...i was usually fighting thrm or trying to kiss them...depending on the mood i was in or how drunk i was Hope you feel better missy....we can "not" fit in together if ya'd like

Missy7

Hey, can I clarify? When I say thinking "the group" is stupid, I obviously don't mean SR. I don't even think we are a group per se. I mean, we're not in a room with a leader telling us what to think or say. We are doing it by consensus--which is why it works. It's amazing and has been some comfort this beautiful but difficult afternoon.