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It think it's finally time.

Old 04-17-2011, 11:34 AM
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It think it's finally time.

I feel sort of foolish posting here since I'm only 19, but everyone seems welcoming and supportive.

I want to start working toward recovery I'm just not sure where to begin. I have too many other legal and financial issues to deal with on top of trying to stop drinking...when all I really want right now is a drink so I don't have to think about anything else going on.

I'm not sure where my life spiraled off course, I guess it started when I went to my first official party Junior year of high school and loved the way alcohol made me feel. In high school, I still only drank with friends and graduated with honors and a 4 year scholarship to my first choice school.

Once I began college is when things began to change. I started drinking everyday after class, which then became everyday instead of class. I told myself it was because I hated my school and felt unbelievably lonely. I dropped out (losing my scholarship) after only four months and moved back in with my parents. This was a week after I ended up in the hospital for attempted suicide.

The first few weeks I was home I felt so much better and began the process of applying to different schools. However, the loneliness began to creep back in and I had no friends at all where my parents live. I once again turned to alcohol to cope with the depression. I told myself it's only until I make friends. Then I made friends, and I continued abusing alcohol.

Somewhere in the past five months I've gotten two DUI's. My court dates for those are this week and I am so nervous. Not for the repercussions, because I deserve those, but for the uncertainty of how this can and will affect my future.

I'm enrolled at a new university for Fall 2011 and have a job that has been lined up for months working as a counselor at my camp this summer. Right now all I can think about is, "What if I can't go to college because of this?" "What if the judge decides I have to start paying off my government debts this summer and I have to quit my job?" All of this and still the only thing that would make me happy right this second is a drink. Which, I know, is part of a much larger problem.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I can't quell my anxiety. I've been irresponsible and undependable enough this entire year, quitting my job only one month before it starts would be just another undependable move on my part.

I want to stop, I need to stop. It's not only those things but I've hurt the people I love the most, which I'm sure everyone can relate to.

I don't know where to go from this point. Does anyone have any insight as to second-time DUI offenses? I've read a lot about it on the internet but it's not very helpful. I can't not work this summer, somehow I'll have to convince the judge of that. It's a completely sober environment and the whole camp is based upon Christianity. I've taken the first steps to attending an AA meeting and I'm enrolled in college classes currently and transferring in the Fall. I want to prove that I can do it, that I'm not a horrible person. Where do you go from here?
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Old 04-17-2011, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Howdy12 View Post
I feel sort of foolish posting here since I'm only 19, but everyone seems welcoming and supportive.

I want to start working toward recovery I'm just not sure where to begin. I have too many other legal and financial issues to deal with on top of trying to stop drinking...when all I really want right now is a drink so I don't have to think about anything else going on.

I'm not sure where my life spiraled off course, I guess it started when I went to my first official party Junior year of high school and loved the way alcohol made me feel. In high school, I still only drank with friends and graduated with honors and a 4 year scholarship to my first choice school.

Once I began college is when things began to change. I started drinking everyday after class, which then became everyday instead of class. I told myself it was because I hated my school and felt unbelievably lonely. I dropped out (losing my scholarship) after only four months and moved back in with my parents. This was a week after I ended up in the hospital for attempted suicide.

The first few weeks I was home I felt so much better and began the process of applying to different schools. However, the loneliness began to creep back in and I had no friends at all where my parents live. I once again turned to alcohol to cope with the depression. I told myself it's only until I make friends. Then I made friends, and I continued abusing alcohol.

Somewhere in the past five months I've gotten two DUI's. My court dates for those are this week and I am so nervous. Not for the repercussions, because I deserve those, but for the uncertainty of how this can and will affect my future.

I'm enrolled at a new university for Fall 2011 and have a job that has been lined up for months working as a counselor at my camp this summer. Right now all I can think about is, "What if I can't go to college because of this?" "What if the judge decides I have to start paying off my government debts this summer and I have to quit my job?" All of this and still the only thing that would make me happy right this second is a drink. Which, I know, is part of a much larger problem.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I can't quell my anxiety. I've been irresponsible and undependable enough this entire year, quitting my job only one month before it starts would be just another undependable move on my part.

I want to stop, I need to stop. It's not only those things but I've hurt the people I love the most, which I'm sure everyone can relate to.

I don't know where to go from this point. Does anyone have any insight as to second-time DUI offenses? I've read a lot about it on the internet but it's not very helpful. I can't not work this summer, somehow I'll have to convince the judge of that. It's a completely sober environment and the whole camp is based upon Christianity. I've taken the first steps to attending an AA meeting and I'm enrolled in college classes currently and transferring in the Fall. I want to prove that I can do it, that I'm not a horrible person. Where do you go from here?
i must say you came to the right place hun...we are all addicts or alcoholics...this disease doesn't discriminate on age, race or social status....just think...you are getting real with this much sooner than alot of us...and you have your whole life to learn who you are sober and hopfully help the next new guy. As for the the dui s i am lucky to never have had one(never got caught that is)but i am sure someone on here has great insite on this topic for you. I am looking foward to seeing your progress....just know that you are NOT alone. Hit me up anytime
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Old 04-17-2011, 11:59 AM
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Thank you, I appreciate that a lot. I've talked my best friend's head off about my struggle with alcohol and opiates, she told me she's tired of hearing about it. I can't blame her.

I am thankful that this did happen so early too though. Of course I'm in a lot more legal trouble since I'm not 21 but, if I'm honest with myself, I know this would have happened eventually, be it at 19 or 49.
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Old 04-17-2011, 12:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Howdy12 View Post
Thank you, I appreciate that a lot. I've talked my best friend's head off about my struggle with alcohol and opiates, she told me she's tired of hearing about it. I can't blame her.

I am thankful that this did happen so early too though. Of course I'm in a lot more legal trouble since I'm not 21 but, if I'm honest with myself, I know this would have happened eventually, be it at 19 or 49.
hey don't get down about your best friend...us addicts put our loved ones through hell...i know i did!!!!! he/she will come around when they actually SEE your progress...after hearing it for years my boyfriend was sick of all....and until i showed that i was trying really trying he was sceptical which hurt...but I did it not him....and don't get me wrong it has been a long struggle to get to where we are at and believe you me it is far from perfection....but it is better than it was....every day will get better and people come around and if they don't others will be...especially other recovering addicts because we understand where you are at and how you feel.
k got to go food shopping...lol never thought i'd even do that clean and sober...goes to show that if this addict can do it at 34(old dog) you can def. do it at 19(puppy)lol hope i made you smile
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Old 04-17-2011, 01:12 PM
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Welcome Howdy - we're all here because alcohol/drugs have caused us pain and heartache at the very least, yet we drank or used anyway. It's a kind of sickness/disease that affects lots of people, so try not to get down on yourself.

It's great that you're here (and there are lots of people on this forum who are close to your age). Getting through the cravings is hard at first, but take it one day at a time and do whatever you have to in order to not pick up that drink. It really will get better. Alcohol causes anxiety and depression, so it's the last thing we need to do when things seem overwhelming.

Keep reading and posting - we're all here to support you!
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Old 04-17-2011, 01:19 PM
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Hi Howdy,

Don't feel silly. It's fantastic that you are able to identify your addiction at such a young age. Keep your head up, and keep going to meetings and moving forward.
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Old 04-17-2011, 01:37 PM
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Thank you all so much. I know it can be done with time and a substantial amount of effort and impulse control. Alcoholism, drug addictions, and mental disorders run rampant in my family...so I guess I shouldn't be so shocked that it happened to me too.

I also have a question: Is there a certain forum, or perhaps a way, to find others that are near my age to talk to? It's helpful talking to everyone that is recovering or trying to recover, but it's also nice to talk to others who are doing this while trying to get back on track in school and most likely don't have the financial means to support this habit.
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Old 04-17-2011, 01:53 PM
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Welcome to SR Howdy

I think it's great you're here and thinking about your future

We don't have a youth forum - we did have an under 30 thread tho - maybe someone will revive it for you

Try not to plague yourself too much with what ifs...much of that is out of your control.....the best thing you can do is to commit yourself to a new sober way of life.

Follow through with that AA idea too - I think real tangible changes and real life support will help.

You'll find a ton of support here - good to have you with us
D
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Old 04-17-2011, 03:25 PM
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howdy howdy...
look at it this way...you are in trouble with the law..dui's are very serious.
if i were you i would throw myself on the mercy of the judge.
you are only 19...still a babe.
ask for a chance to rehabilitate your life...
tell him you have started to go to aa and you intend to change your life around 180 degrees.
you are fortunate indeed to have recognized your problems at such an early age.
i wish i had seen what was coming to me at your age.
you can do this with the support of your family and with counselling to address your issues.
this site is also a wealth of info so utilize it and incorporate it in your recovery.
live for today and i guarantee you tomorrow will take care of itself.
we are all in this together.
you CAN do this.
all the best to you.
you can build a wonderful life for your self without alcohol.
the ONLY thing alcohol will do for you is strip you of every thing worth while in life.
believe me i know from experience.
god be with you as he is with me
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Old 04-17-2011, 04:38 PM
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i am so glad you are here! The earlier you get help, the less you have to suffer.

I don't have any advice about the legal aspect, but I do wonder if the courts in your area have something called "drug court" and if they can refer you to that. It's a lot of work on your part, but in the end, the support is totally worth it. Search "drug courts" in your area and see if 1. they have it and 2. if you may qualify. I am so grateful to the mental health court I was referred to. I did not have a DUI but I did have some other problems.
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Old 04-17-2011, 04:57 PM
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I will definitely look into the drug courts and see what I can do about it. The only issue is I plan on going to college in August, I hope the judge recognizes that and will let me serve my sentence where I'll hopefully be living.

I talked to my uncle who is an attorney and he said there are a lot of loopholes with DUI's and I should look into that with my own attorney for my case.
I just don't know if the judge would look down on me and judge me more harshly for trying to get around the legal system, even if much of what happened during my second DUI arrest was unlawful and administered incorrectly.
Maybe I should throw myself at the judge instead and somehow show how remorseful I am, how badly I want to get my life back and track and that I'm willing to do it.

I'm trying to come up with a good statement about why being a counselor at my camp this summer will be beneficial to me. If I can't work or go to school I will be completely devastated. I know I screwed up big time and I don't want to continue down this road of self-destruction. I need to help myself out of this rut, for me and for the people who care about me.

All of this uncertainty is driving me insane, I should have determined myself to stop drinking after the first DUI. The fact that I have a second one is a huge mark against me as far as court goes. I want to scream and cry and be anywhere but in my own body, I don't know what to do, and all of this is completely my fault.
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Old 04-17-2011, 05:23 PM
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Howdy,

I am 23 and also trying to get back on track with everything. Feel free to write any time!
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Old 04-17-2011, 05:23 PM
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Howdy, I understand how hard this is for you to deal with, but you can get through it.

I do think you should have a lawyer on your side, for if things were done illegally, then you have a right to address that. I also think you should do the things you mentioned to show the judge you are remorseful and working on turning your life around.

Let us know how it turns out.
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Old 04-17-2011, 05:26 PM
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Hi Howdy and welcome.
I'm proud of you for seeking help and realizing you can have a better life. Some people never realize it or think that they aren't worth a better life. Although it seems you will have your problems with the DUI's let it be a lesson and learn from your mistakes.
I believe that every mistake is placed in our path to learn from. We wouldn't grow as people if we were perfect.
I screwed up when I was young. Hung out with the wrong kids, drinking and drugs were my line of work, pregnant senior year in High School, barely graduating and with a month old baby. I was accepted to Art School but chose my son over a career. I lived at home and was able to continue partying in the evening because my parents would be home to watch him. I drank and drank, met unworthy people that did absolutely nothing for me except promote my drinking.
Now 30 years later I am sober 80 days...see how long that took?? I'm SO glad you are making a decision to change now. I am so happy for you. The problems will eventually go away...then you can start fresh.
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Old 04-17-2011, 05:50 PM
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Thanks again for the support. It's a nice change of pace to be able to converse with people who are going through or have gone through similar experiences.

My hearings are Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, they will be postponed until I hire a lawyer though...the first obstacle is having it postponed to a date that won't interfere with my job, hopefully that's possible.
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