silly

Well, I finished outpatient rehab last Wednesday. It was a great experience overall but I was glad to get my free time back.

Now I'm trying to get into a routine that balances the need for meetings with the need for continuing with life! I don't buy the 90 meetings in 90 days concept. It sounds nice but it's just not a reasonable goal for me. I work long days and travel 2-4 days a week. I don't want my life to revolve around AA. I want to see it as a support system, yes. But I don't want to bury myself deep. At this point I feel that 3-4 meetings a week is realistic for me but when I discuss it with others in the program, they act as if I'm not serious about recovery or that I'm not making enough effort. This behavior is keeping me from seeking out a sponsor in some ways.

Is anyone an AA sponsor? What would you tell a potential sponsee like me that feels comfortable with 3-4 a week?
Does anyone else feel like I do?

Mcribb

the 90 in 90 isn't in the big book, but I have heard the excuse "I don't have time" a whole bunch. I had plenty of time after I hit bottom and lost everything.

theatredork

I'm planning on going to 3-4 a week too when I'm done. I can't really give advice on what the experienced people would recommend... but for me, I know weekends are my trigger days (so I'll do a Saturday and a Sunday), and I'm used to going M/T/Th, so at least two of those days I should be able to hit a meeting after work. That's what's kind of nice about the outpatient program - it made me make my recovery a priority so it shouldn't feel like a burden to go to many meetings a week... every day, though, I don't know.

BadCompany

Yeah, the graveyards are full of people that think just like that.

Anna

Hi,

I am not an AA person, but I strongly believe that balance is crucial for my recovery.

I do work on recovery every day and I come here to read and post, but I exercise, do yoga, meditate, read.

Hopefully you can find something that works for you.

silly

Thanks, Anna. I too feel like I do something everyday to work on my recovery. Whether that's reading, exercising or just practicing saying "no", it's always at the front of my mind.

Rewired

I am going on two months and I was trying to do 90 and 90 like everyone says. But I actually started to get stressed out trying to do it. My sponser is fine with me going to 3 to 4 meetings a week. Like Anna says balance is key. I also read alot and I do take my recovery serious not going to a meeting everyday does not mean that I take it any less serious than anyone else.

Sugah

I would ask: What are you going to do for your recovery on the days you don't go to meetings? How will you begin your day? What will you do if it's not a meeting day and you really need a meeting? Is this a flexible schedule? And does 3-4 meetings a week include the day you meet with me to read the BB and take the steps?

Although I went to a meeting nearly every day for my first two years sober, I'm not convinced a meeting every day for 90 days is necessary. I am a big believer that recovery is something we do every day, not something we absorb one hour a day in a meeting. I would talk through a prayer/meditation routine with you, get you started on the readings (with a highlighter & dictionary), and strongly suggest that if you don't want to drink, regular one-on-one time with another alcoholic who's had a spiritual awakening and can show you how to get there yourself is more important than going to a meeting every day.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

keithj

silly,
Recovery is not something I have to balance with anything else in my life. It's a way of life, not something I do or someplace I go.

As an AA sponsor, I can't recall ever telling someone how many meetings they need to attend. Instead, I ask them to meet me at specific times so that we can work through the BB and the Steps. We do this so that they can have a spiritual awakening and recover instead of being dependent on the support of meetings to stay sober.

I do tell them these are the meetings I attend, and why I attend them. I encourage them to commit to a home group, and to be responsible to and for that group.

GettingStronger2

As has been mentioned, 90 in 90 is not an AA requirement, nor will you find it in either book. When i started, and i heard this, my thoughts were pretty mush like yours and my reaction. I never planned to do 90 in 90.

Somehow, i did. I needed it, and it established the habit of going, and helped me get a firm footing into the program. I would still go to a meeting everyday if i did not have childcare issues, which are resolving, and i am going almost everyday again.

Having said that, not everyone i know does 90 in 90, and they can maintain the program. It is up to you, and your sponsor. some sponsors require their sponsees to do 90 in 90, others do not.

This should not, however, be something that keeps you out of the doors.

BadCompany

That's the key here. Attitude. I don't know of many people that accomplished 90 in 90. It's the willingness to give it the old college try rather than just balking at the first suggestion that comes your way. It's the attitude of willingness that makes all the difference.

Coolmummy

I do three a week and have done since day 1 - just over a month ago. On the days i don;t go, I read the Book, check out the daily quotaions and come on here. I'm starting my step work ina couple of weeks and it all feels very comfortable to me.

EmeraldRose

I just finished rehab, too and I miss it already. That was my free time. Free because it was given back to me...given back for me to change my life. Which I would have paid dearly for if I had not gone.
My problem is we only have one meeting a week here -unless I drive 50 miles one way every night. But that would depend on how bad I guess I felt the urge to go.
I think 90 in 90 is extreme. I think for most folks that have a family and career it would be difficult. I'm not saying not worth it -but just more difficult.
I think you'd have to balance support in your own life...as does everyone. If you have more time in the morning, maybe read then -if you are away and sitting in a hotel, take your books and read. I don't know...I guess you really have to do what you can without getting lazy -that's when the trouble will start up.

Mark75

This balance... vs... way of life.

I try to live one day at a time. That is a basic philosophy that is working pretty well for me. When I feel out of balance, I try to understand why and then the answer or solution often follows... maybe I need a meeting, maybe I need time with my family... it changes, you know...

This attitude of willingness... to do what I need to do, to ask, to be honest with myself and others... that's what's important, for me.

Keep an open mind. What do you need to do to be happy, to love and to feel loved, to be sober... What do you need to do.... today?

FrothyJay

The problem with "90 in 90" is that it suggests getting to a meeting everyday for 90 days will keep you sober.

It won't.

Meeting makers don't make it. Or, better said, they don't make it because they go to meetings. The alcoholics who make it are the ones who work the program.

I needed to understand that meetings are not the program, and meetings are not recovery. They are a venue--a place I go to get connected with the people who can teach me the program of recovery so that I can have a vital spiritual experience and then carry a message to the suffering alcoholic.

So, if you've conceded to your inner most self that you are a hopeless alcholic with no effective defense against the first drink, someone who will definitely drink again if left to their own devices, I would stress the choice of a teacher-- someone who can guide you through the steps from the Big Book with a certain degree of urgency-- over how many meetings you make.

iliveforyou

AA is not for everyone and as others said, you won't find 90 in 90 in the big book. AA/NA isn't going to "save" anyone from using again, recovery is in OUR hands and we have to truly want it to succeed. What works for one person, won't necessarily work for the next. It's important to have a support system (don't get me wrong) and to fill your time with constructive activities and stay busy. I agree that finding the right balance is crucial and necessary. I wish you luck
-Jess

silly

Thanks for your thoughts everyone! I appreciate everyone's perspective.

I totally agree, you have to WANT IT. I definitely do. Recovery is a way of life and I get that completely. I think I'm simply exploring what will work best for me and what will really work for me.

silly

I always appreciate your thoughts and wisdom, Mark. Thanks!

diditall

The author of the AA big book, Bill W. I believe, wrote parts of it while out on one or more LSD trips. True. But it is still a great help for thousands daily.

Mark75

Not true ... LSD was not available until after the book was written.