farmer

I am there, too, not a good place to be.

We both know better than this. There is an answer and there is help.

I just joined this page and am working through problems like you are.

Change your lifestyle however you can to get where you want to be but don't be afraid to use help.

Now how do we make the changes we both know we need to make?

Scrubmuncher

Hmmm, it is an easy thought process to just stop, but pressures around make it not so. Recently separated from my partner and daughter I'm living for the moment with parents. My parents are not heavy drinkers but they do like a bottle of wine in the evening a couple of times a week, and go out on the Saturday as they have done for years. Whenever friends and family visit alcohol is involved. Even my father knowing I am trying to quit continues to offer me drinks whenever he has one. Almost all social life around me involves drinking or meeting in a bar.
I have zero friends, absolutely none, I have made myself unwanted by normal people over the years by my extreme approach to drinking. Even if I can reinvent myself, move to another area, start again, to lead a normal life you need a social life, 99% of social beginnings revolve around bars, nights out drinking etc.
So I struggle to see the light, have little motivation for life, right now am not suicidal but would welcome a natural occurrence to end this BS lifestyle I live, I'm not 40 but feel 80, my 80 year old parents are more active than me.
So where is the start?

Kjell

You are here.

This is it.

This is life and who and what you are.

Not whatcha gonna talk and think about it, but...whatcha gonna do about it?

Kjell~

elfgirl

I posted on my FB page: "Sometimes the simplest things are also the most complex. Life is weird that way." It is WAY easier to say "I can't drink any more" than it is to actually not drink, especially when we've learned to use alcohol as our sole coping mechanism. I think everyone here knows it's hard to do, and there are others here who can speak to that far better than I can.

I may sound like a jerk, but the fact is that 99% of YOUR social beginnings, at this point in your life, have occurred in bars, etc. They don't have to. There are countless ways to meet people without going to a bar or drinking. Once you get sober, you'll have time for other interests, and you can meet people through those interests. But first you have to take care of YOU.

As Kjell said, you are here. This is your start. And it IS a start.

LaFemme

Hi scrub and welcome to SR!!

First I am so sorry about what happened with your counselor...I hope he has had his license revoked because What he did was unethical as well as morally repugnant.

I have a problem with the concept of hitting a bottom because I think it makes people wait to get better...as bad as I was I could have gone a lot lower.

Despite your bad experience I hope you reconsider therapy but even if you don't I hope you try some of the many programs that help people get sober.

The two things I can guarantee you is drinking will not help matters and SR is a good place to be.

LaFemme

Eddiebuckle

Scrub, I remember that feeling so well. The truth is 99% of drinking acquaintences begin in bars, etc. I am 15 months sober and while I could go to a pub if I had to I choose not to - and I have new friends and do things that I never did while drinking. Where you are mistaken is assuming that what you have experienced is all there is to experience. And I'm here to tell you that you are missing out on some seriously phenomenal stuff.

If you were to quit and found out that I lied about all this, all you've lost is a bunch of hangovers. But I'd put money on it that you wouldn't want to go back to the old ways. Give yourself a chance.

Scrubmuncher

Yeh I know that is the truth.
The funny thing in all this is I can't remember ever making a friend sober, and all of those I have made drunk I have lost drunk also. Even those who gave me the benefit of the doubt, countless chances, countless opportunity I have thrown back in their face by getting drunk and abusing it all.
Now I am almost 40 years old, not one friend, and am without the skills of how to make friends. I am human and need some kind of attention somewhere, I need to find somewhere to meet people in a similar situation to me. AA isn't going to work for me. I tried it, I ended up meeting a girl and we ended up drinking heavily together, once the binge was over the friendship died. I have a feeling it would only happen again if I was to be around anyone drinking.
I'm considering packing my bag tonight and just hitting the road with my thumb out, see where I drift to. I can't do another day of wondering who or what is going to cross my path after I have done something stupid. Im going to give myself a heart attack at this rate, seriously.

Dee74

I'm not in AA, but I think anyone who recovers uses support scrub.

If you think that being around other drinkers is going to mess you up, you're making a huge rod for your back IMO.

Hitting the roads not a solution - I know from experience wherever I went my problems came with me.

The solution is wanting not to live the life you're leading, wanting to do something about it and not letting the fears and doubts about the changes you face stop you.

I'm not trying to come across as snippy but AA's not a dating organisation. You could try men's meetings for example? make sure you speak with people with sober time?

But...if you're bound and determined thats AA's not for you, thats your call.

Don;t let that be the sum total of your searching for answers, man.

There's many many other avenues to try yet - many other recovery groups, rehab (inpatient and outpatient), counselling...

here are some UK links (down the bottom of the post)
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1588435

D