GodsHolyWill

Well today was a new low, one that I would think that I would NEVER do since I have a phobia about germs. I have been sober for 3 1/2 days. Yesterday i went shopping with my dad and took out of his trunk an almost full 30-pack of beer that I still has from 5 days ago and dumped it in the dumpster of my apartment complex. Yesterday I felt so good, i was doing the right thing and staying sober! Today the desire to drink was so severe on me that I went back to the dumpster to see if it was accessible. I could see a part of the box down below several bags and other garbage that had been placed on or around it. I lifted myself on a ledge on the dumpster and leaned on my stomach and stuck half of my body into that dumpster to get that beer. I didn't care how dirty I got(I already had decided that if need be I would climb into the dumpster) and reached down and moved bags out of the way and 'as if my life depended on it', reached in to get my beer. I pulled it out so carefully...making sure that I would not lose one. This is the face of addiction.

Kjell

Any chance you'll dump what's left down the sink?

If not, pick yourself up tomorrow.

Do something, anything, everything different.

Kjell~

ChikkaB

so, what are you doing with the beer?

My vote is to pour it out. Right now.

Stay sober TODAY.

MsCooterBrown

Now what are ya gonna do with it....I say..stare it down and chuck it out! Was this day 5 for you? I had to stay close to SR the first couple of weeks ..it was crucial. I googled what an impact alcohol has on my health. Then starting around week 3 I just felt so much better. By day 5 you should have alcohol out of your system so now it is your brain ..think of it as having two selves...you sober side..and your alcoholic side. The alcoholic side tells you "Time to Dumpster Dive GHWill" ..when this self talk starts shoot it down. Think of your worst hangover..who wants to go back to that and then to have to detox all over again. You have to want to be sober WAY more than wanting to drink..
Maybe if you make a list. All the pros (few on my list) and all the cons..the cons win every time! I wish you the best. I hope you can go chuck it back into the dumpster and hang out here with us for awhile...

recycle

GHW I am sorry that you are struggling so much. You can do this.

LaFemme

I am so sorry. That sucks big time...its so much better to pour it down the drain. I know because I would have done the same but usually poured bottles of wine down the drain and then the next morning desperately tried to get that last drop out of the bottom of the bottle.

You are not alone...we can get better...sending you positive thoughts and prayers.

bevin

Not trying to make light of this (I feel you, man), but I dumped mine because this sketch came immediately to mind:
YouTube - Kids In The Hall - No Chocolate Diet

EmeraldRose

Just having that image in your head of that guy is bad enough! LOL Funny stuff.

GodsHolyWill

Thank you everyone for your support.

bevin - That video was hilarious! Sad, but true!

GodsHolyWill

Well, I drank some of the beer but dumped the rest of the 30-pack. (This time I threw individual cans into the dumpster. (Yes, I'm that bad.) I won't resign myself to a life of drinking though, I would sooner die trying! I feel that God only asks that I try no matter how long it takes, and that success is up to Him. Tomorrow is Day 1.

TotoBidule

Random disgusting thought alert!

I don't know your background but this might be useful for you...
It seems your family is on board, so if your appartment has 2 toilets then... Commandeer one of the toilets and go and get every single can you threw in the dumpster. Take it all home and one by one pour each of them down said toilet. With even 20 cans you can be sure it's all beer, and residual germs on the bowl. Don't flush. Then you won't even have to leave the house - all you have to do is drink from the toilet.

I know I myself wouldn't have a problem dumpster diving (you can wash yourself and the cans) but drinking from a toilet would make me think VERY hard.

3TimeCharmer

Bevin, that video was hilarious but so true!

GHWill: Congratulations for getting rid of the rest. Today is another day. Don't give up on yourself! As a famous blue fish once said: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."

RebelAngel

Really pulling for you GHW, sending you good vibes from my desk in Ireland. You know how much love & support there is for you around here.:ghug3
On a lighter note, AWESOME thread title. I did same as LaFemme, sucking corks & bottle necks like a crazy person. Sad.
Hey, we DON'T have to do this anymore. Stick together GHW x

kiki5711

This also reminds me of when I try to stop smoking then look for any left over butts in the trash, even the smallest one only with one puff left is doable.

We're pathetic, aren't we.

Anna

I'm glad you dumped the rest of the beer.

And, so glad that you are continuing to work on your sobriety.

Rickie

I don't believe you've got rid of the beer for good, especially given the circumstances surrounding how you reattained them.

All evidence suggest that what you've actually done is effectively stashed in it the dumpster. You could've just opened them and poured them away. Personally it might be worth going back, and as LaFemme said pour it down the drain.

Good luck.

doggonecarl

"as if my life depended on it..."

I'm sure all of us can point to times where we supported our addiction as if our life depended on it. I know I have. Toking on a pipe like it was providing life giving oxygen instead of dope; chugging beer like it was saving my life; tearing the house up looking for a lost bit of drug, demeaning myself to get high.

We have such passion for our addictions, but do we have it for our recovery? If I, or you, GHW, and anyone else reading who is struggling, or has gotten complacent, don't work our recovery as if our live's depended on it then our addiction will alway have the upper hand.

If you will overcome your phobias and jump into a dumpster for your addiction, try jumping into an AA meeting for your recovery, for your life truly does depend on it!

silly

I've also gone through my trash for alcohol, usually to get the rest of a half empty bottle I tossed in a moment of strength. Definitely should have dumped it down the drain but I'm sure I had an excuse. My partner would catch me doing it, I didn't want to bring the bottle inside, etc... I do wonder if what I was actually doing was stashing it? Probably. In my moment of strength I probably told myself "if you want it that bad you'll have to dig for it later". I always took the challenge. So stupid.

NEOMARXIST

Hey. I can really relate to this. I occassionally dumped the last few cans after a particularly bad bender but would go searching for them once I felt better but I did usually dump them down the sink to make me feel strong as I knew that if not then I'd just drink them again the next day. This particularly reminds me of an incident about 5 years ago when I accidenctally througha bottle of Lambrini in a skip full of rubbish but actually got my mate to go climb in to retrieve it. ha-ha. I remember specifically routing through a black rubbish bin looking for Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds after they'd been thrown away by my mom after I spewed all over my carpet and had a majorly bad trip and made a scene at about 4 in the morning. Needless to say i never found the seeds I don't think but it illustrates how quickly the memories fade and the frantic searching the next morning.

Grateful to be sober, all the best.

Peace

BobGT

Hi GHW! Most of us here don't quit on the first try. It took me years of quitting before I got it.

There is a saying I read here a lot that you have to want sobriety more than you want to drink. I think the statement is true, but it frustrated me a lot during my relapses. I couldn't get to that point for a long time, but I'm there now.

So, my question is, "How do you get to that mindset quickly or do you just have to wait for it?" Maybe this should be in a separate thread?

Anyway GHW, keep trying and good job of throwing away what you didn't drink. Now stay out of the dumpster, lol.