Saying goodbye...

Old 02-19-2011, 01:15 AM
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Saying goodbye...

Hello all, I'm rather new here, I posted one thread on the Substance Abuse board.

I've been sober for... 3 days. I started to realize I had problem with addiction, anxiety, and depression years ago, but just kept drowning myself with weed until it didn't work anymore.

Then it was on to alcohol. "Good" alcohol, or tasty alcohol, which I didn't think was a problem, more of a culinary hobby.

Then I found the magic. Opiates. Benzos. Hell on those I could even enjoy weed and alcohol again!

Now that I've finally sought help, the emotions and fears I have are flooding me with trepidation. Haven't cried this much in a week in my life. Haven't felt this disoriented since my days on LSD in college... A feeling of dangerous clarity, uncertain future, absurdity revealed.

I'm basically convinced that total sobriety will be the only way for me to get where I want to be; mentally and otherwise. But... EVERYBODY USES. Well maybe not everybody, but everybody I know does. At least alcohol or weed. My own mother was an alcoholic in recovery since I was born (as far as I know), but even she has been drinking again for the past 9 years apparently. (Since 9-11, she says.)

If I actually go through with this, I feel like I have to say goodbye to everyone who uses.

Have any of you been through this? Seems extremely painful to me.
Thanks for the support.
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Old 02-19-2011, 01:19 AM
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Hi thatfeel

I drank for 20 years. By the end my social circle was almost exclusively alcoholics.
Time and again I tried to be sober within my old life - I never made it.

I had to make a new life - and that meant leaving some people behind. More came in to fill their place tho - clean sober people who supported me in what I was trying to do.

I've never regretted changing my life

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Old 02-19-2011, 01:34 AM
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Hi thatfeel - Welcome and congratulations on 3 days.
That is awesome. Glad you are looking at total sobriety as
key in changing your life. That is a huge deal in itself.

Talking about saying goodbye to everybody who is drinking/using
is also a big deal. Maybe it's not quite time to worry about that
just yet. I have 28 days sober today. My main focus right now
is simply staying sober one day at a time. I know I have a bunch
of stuff to work on, and I don't want to put it off too long, but
those other hard issues like who stays and goes in my life are
just going to have to wait a little longer. I need to make
sure I am absolutely grounded in my sobriety before I tackle
a bunch of other issues. It's about baby steps for me. Maybe
that will work for you too?

Also if I could point out, you won't be alone at all because
you have everybody here at SR. I've been here since 2006
and there has always been someone here 24/7 for me whenever
I've been willing to reach out and ask for support. You picked
a fantastic place to start your journey!
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Old 02-19-2011, 01:44 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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I did find a new social circle when I joined AA....
Since then 28 of the "old gang: have died of alcohol related causes.

The future is yours to grasp...don't mess around and lose it.
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Old 02-19-2011, 06:37 AM
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Sobriety date April 19th 2011
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Location: Salem, VA
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I've had to do it many times throughout my drinking/drugging career.

Mostly met with sadness and people chastising me for thinking I'm too good for them.

I had a vicious cycle of escaping one drug/associates and within a few months meeting new people to befriend , only to find out they were just a different drug/associates .... And I had to part from them again after a few months. It was a vicious cycle.

But you WILL have to leave them behind for your own strength and Sanity. BUT Don't isolate yourself into depression and loneliness. Find and AA/NA group or be sure you make friends on here or somewhere for the social impact that you need.
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Old 02-19-2011, 07:20 AM
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Hello thatfeel, welcome to SR and well done for choosing to quit your vices, good luck with that.
Some of my old friends from over 25 yrs in a drink circle have died, but some are still here. We are similar in ways that we chose at some point "thats it" enough. When this happened we started to detach from the main group that just ment meeting and drinking.
Seeing less and less of friends that we had for yrs, until eventualy not at all for long periods. As enjoy mentioned, as long as you dont isolate yourself you will start to fill the gaps with new friends.
I have always been honest with new friends i made about my prob with drink, and for the most they respect that never presenting me with a temptation themselves. Those that do, i leave behind i cannot afford not to.
I was once told that it would be a whole new life, and they were rite.
Personaly it was difficult for a long time, but after a while i put that down to the newness i wasn't used to as it were. When i began to accept it this way i started being more comfortable with the way things were. Pleasant surroundings i found myself in, pleasant company and conversation based on repect. The plus's are endless, you just have to see them the way they are. It isn't easy and takes time, but its def' worth it if you want a better life. Just try to keep it going, and the newness wares off for the most part, and you find your own natural confidence returning. Once that happens things just keep getting better and better.
Although i still relaps on occasion during the past 3yrs trying to stay sober, i know that all my vices are beneath me and i have the greater control. Not being around my old circle is what makes that possible. The decisions i make are my own, or not influenced by a drinker or whoever that does not have a good intrest in my wellbeing.
Try and remember that it will take time to adjust to your new life, and while adjusting you are making improvements all the time.

So again best of luck on your new recovery :-)
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Old 02-19-2011, 07:50 AM
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Welcome to SR and way to go on three days.

You and I are alike -- pot then booze then benzos and then all three. And here I am, working on six months of sobriety. You can do it, especially with three days under your hat. That's awesome.

The clarity of mind can be a haunting and a blessing.

Of all the associates you have, maybe you can pick those closest to you and tell them that you're "just giving sobriety a try."

When they want to go out, remind them what you're doing. In the meantime, I really suggest AA or NA -- they're both the same.

You'll never enter a room and be instantly welcomed as you will in the rooms of an AA meeting. Go a little early. Shake some hands. Let it be known it's your first meeting. And see what happens.

I think it could just be something magical. I could be wrong. But for some reason, I doubt it.

In the meantime, hang out here. Read the threads. Respond to those that speak to you. Ask for help. Ask just to be acknowledged that you're alive, struggling, and looking for someone to chat with. Send out some personal messages. Sit back and watch this magic work, too.

I must say, only because of my personal experience with benzos, to be on the look out for some serious withdrawals -- that is if you were on them for some time on a daily basis and taking a significant amount. You might want to check out this site --

In the meantime, good luck. It's a fight, but a great fight, one you can win. It just takes work.

Please stay in touch.

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Old 02-19-2011, 07:57 AM
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it doesn't matter that EVERBODY uses.
Cause all you have to care about is yourself,
It is killing YOU.

I don't use anything. Many people here don't use anything. There are loads of us, but we're proberly not in your scene right now. If you come looking you will find us, and your sober self.

If you're looking for the true one and only high, try sober living.
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Old 02-19-2011, 10:35 AM
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Thanks everyone for your replies. The main challenges right now is the fear I talked about and my discomfort with society. I managed to not drink last night after sneaking away (I'm detoxing on a family trip) and meeting with a friend. So I guess that's another vertical chalk mark on the board.

I'm seeing a psychiatrist and am taking Gabapentin, so don't be too worried about my wd's. They may suck but I least I won't be convulsing on the floor.

I haven't been to a meeting yet but if it's anything like here, it will be one of the few groups of respectful, connected people I have been a part of in my life.
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Old 02-19-2011, 03:57 PM
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If I could turn back the clock and be your age I would stop drinking there. I can't I am here now and the physical effects of hard drinking are now taking there toll on me ,falling and hurting myself, my liver count is high, blood pressure , depression and anxiety if I don't do something now it will kill me because my liver won't stand up to much more of this my doc. says if I stop now I can bring my liver count down . Please give your self a chance in life . I wish you well.
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Old 02-19-2011, 09:58 PM
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Welcome TF - glad you're here and congrats on your 3 days. Just remember, you don't have to tackle every issue in your life at one time.

Take each day as it comes and make decisions based on what's best for you and your sobriety. Your life will change as you go along.

I felt disoriented for a week or two in the beginning after getting sober. Lots of emotions, too (along with insomnia, tiredness...) All I can say is: It's get a whole lot better......
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