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Back From a Relapse

Old 02-18-2011, 03:56 PM
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Back From a Relapse

Well, it finally happened. I knew it was coming and did nothing about it. I chose to use. I got worked up and decided I needed to use again. I didn't, of course, but I felt that I did. So here I am, 1 day clean (new clean date: 2/17/11) and hoping I can do something this time to stay in the game. I thought I was doing it this last time, I had 4 months and change. Now I am back at the start again, and not feeling any closer to recovery than I did the day I walked into the doors of NA.
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:00 PM
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Oh I am sorry to hear that but glad to see you back
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:01 PM
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(((OWW))) - sorry about the relapse, but glad you're back here and willing to try again.

Nothing worked, for me, until I was truly ready to not use, no matter what. I also had quite a few consequences that mounted up and I didn't want any MORE coming my way.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:01 PM
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Don't discount the great strides you made Onewithwings - I saw a real journey from you in the last few months.

You haven't lost all you've learned - unless you choose to throw it away.

It's a shame you saw yourself going and did nothing to stop it, but I know I did that many times too...learning to value myself and do the right thing by myself was another thing I had to learn in recovery.

Welcome back
D
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Onewithwings View Post
Well, it finally happened. I knew it was coming and did nothing about it. I chose to use. I got worked up and decided I needed to use again. I didn't, of course, but I felt that I did. So here I am, 1 day clean (new clean date: 2/17/11) and hoping I can do something this time to stay in the game. I thought I was doing it this last time, I had 4 months and change. Now I am back at the start again, and not feeling any closer to recovery than I did the day I walked into the doors of NA.
If I'm not mistaken I think you got sober on 9/22 last time. I got sober on 9/23. I don't know what it is about that 4 months and change point but just about 2 weeks ago I was ready to say screw it too. I am glad you made it back so quickly. When you get back to 4 months next time I hope you stick it out!
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:40 PM
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Welcome back. Getting back to recovery is a big step forward. Far too may people relapse and stay back in active addiction.
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:44 PM
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One, I'm glad you're back and still trying.
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:53 PM
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welcome back
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Old 02-18-2011, 05:22 PM
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I'm glad you are back so quickly. Stick with SR and other recovery tools, i know you can do this.
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Old 02-18-2011, 05:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Onewithwings View Post
Well, it finally happened. I knew it was coming and did nothing about it. I chose to use. I got worked up and decided I needed to use again. I didn't, of course, but I felt that I did.

If I'm understanding correctly you DIDN'T Use ? You just felt like you did because you felt that you made a decision to do so ? Or you wanted to do so ?


If that's the case , I think you are still on 4 months. A guy in our meeting tonight with over 4 years sober wanted to drink today. Didn't want to come to the meeting ..... But he didn't use and he came.....


So If I'm reading your message correctly , you didn't use and you came back here. And that's AWESOME.

If I am misunderstanding , then congratulations on the strength to come back. It was really hard for me to get a new white chip after 30 days sober.


Good luck to you either way.
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:03 PM
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welcome back.. you can do it!
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Enoy View Post
If I'm understanding correctly you DIDN'T Use ? You just felt like you did because you felt that you made a decision to do so ? Or you wanted to do so ?


If that's the case , I think you are still on 4 months. A guy in our meeting tonight with over 4 years sober wanted to drink today. Didn't want to come to the meeting ..... But he didn't use and he came.....


So If I'm reading your message correctly , you didn't use and you came back here. And that's AWESOME.

If I am misunderstanding , then congratulations on the strength to come back. It was really hard for me to get a new white chip after 30 days sober.


Good luck to you either way.
I believe she did use...I see how her statement saying;
decided I needed to use again. I didn't, of course, but I felt that I did.
the "I didn't, of course" means she didn't need to use, after having just said she decided she needed to.
She seems to be directly admitting she didn't need to use...and that she, "of course" knows that.

It's admirable how she accepts responsibility for every aspect of her behavior.

The comment about not feeling any closer to recovery may be tied directly to her knowledge and how she didn't apply what she knows. If we have what it takes and don't apply it, we simply don't get to enjoy the benefits.

Onewithwings, if you want to stay clean, you know what to do.
See you in San Diego!!

Missy
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Old 02-18-2011, 08:00 PM
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Good to see your post, OWW...... believe in yourself and that you're worth the best life possible - because you ARE!:ghug3
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:00 PM
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Hugs!

I'm glad you are back...I was actually just thinking about you the other day but thought you might be busy.

I'm with Dee...I think you made a lot of progress in the past 4 months and I believe you can get right back in the game.

Xoxo, T
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:08 PM
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Hi OWW . . . sorry to hear you went through this, but I'm glad you're back, and those four months weren't a waste. Stay strong, you can do this.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:13 PM
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I thought her statement meant she didn't use also. It makes sense that she was trying to say she didn't need to. Thanks for clearing it up.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:14 PM
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Glad you came back.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Onewithwings View Post
Now I am back at the start again, and not feeling any closer to recovery than I did the day I walked into the doors of NA.
You are only "back at the start again" if you didn't learn anything from your relapse and the 4 months that you were clean. As the saying goes, don't throw the baby out with the bath water.

Don't use this relapse as an excuse to beat yourself up and drown and self-pity. Use it to strengthen your sobriety. Learn and grow from it.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:59 PM
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I'm glad you're back and not giving up on yourself.
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Old 02-18-2011, 10:04 PM
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Glad you're back!
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