Toronto68

Well, I'm relieved. It's so unusual for you not to be around, I didn't know what to think. I imagined you were on reading week or something like that.

coffeenut

So glad you are 'back', Neo. And I'm very glad you decided to share this part of your recovery. We gotta depend on each other, friend.

AWOL

Great to see you back Neo!
Heck, as you can see, a whole lot of folks missed you. Look forward to seeing you around a whole lot more.

SparklingSeven

Nice to see you back mate - was worried you had gone back to the dark-place!!

Rusty Zipper

WB neo

never loose that daily discipline

NEOMARXIST

Thanks again everybody for your warm wishes and support. It means a lot to me and I must say how grateful I am for you all and to SR. I knew I needed to reach out and pull myself out of my downward slide or else I knew the inevitable consequences and when my depression and self-hatred becomes so powerful then self-abuse seems like something I deserve and of course I used to do that through drinking binges and whatever drugs I could get to prolong the binge. Also it isn't just me that sufferes either when I am unhappy and sad as it rubs off on my loved one's and that only increases my self-hatred.

However last night I felt much more positive and like I had managed to snap myself out of it and this morning I actually managed to get up and go out without feeling like I was having to really fight and battle against the other half of my mind which just wanted me to wallow and screw things up.

This experience has really gave me a massive indicator as to the totally destructive power when I stop actively managing my mental health and playing into its hands and it reminds me of how I am going to stop giving myself such a hard time and actually remember that what I've achieved for an alcoholic and addict with my vulnerable/sensitive mind is something to be proud of.

I am no use drinking super-strength on a bench somewhere and I really don't want to ever go back there again.

I am able to learn from my experience and remember that everything I do is with the best intentions of my recovery; without my recovery I would end up dead, deeply unhappy and tortured and drinking myself to oblivion would seem like the only thing I deserved or capable of comprehending doing.

It's amazing how much better I feel today and I have that sense of hope back again.

Thanks SR, Peace.

Freeport

Good to hear from you, Neo. I have been a little lackadaisical about checking in here but it's important to maintaining recovery as well as helping others. Glad you're still advancing in recovery. I'm bearing down on two years in May, and despite some incredible stress the past few months, my sobriety has stay intact. This living thing can be a wild $@&%# ride.

NEOMARXIST

Hey man. It's great hear from you!! As you know, you and I both signed up in the same time in May 09. I had to beat myself down lower until I finally got sober 8th July 09. It sure can be tough at times, but I am going to stop giving myself such a hard time about things. It can be frustrating at times but at the end of the day then living sober and in recovery means that I have to experience everything and all of the insecurites, anxiety's, fears etc without being able to escape into a drunk or just getting blasted with people, as opposed to having to interact sober and on a 'normal' level with all of the awkwardness that entails.

Good to hear from you again and nice one on your sober time!!

Peace