Christmas Party Gone Terribly Wrong
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
How about, "Gee I'd like to have a sip but honestly I think it would be a bad idea since my doctor says it would interfere with any blood pressure medication."
The statement is true as it stands. It does not say that you happen to be taking that medication. Even though the guy is a CEO aren't there limits on his intrusiveness and vulgar insensitivity?
Anyway good for you! You did good!
W
The statement is true as it stands. It does not say that you happen to be taking that medication. Even though the guy is a CEO aren't there limits on his intrusiveness and vulgar insensitivity?
Anyway good for you! You did good!
W
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Glad you got through it relatively unscathed 
It does get easier for those "No thank you."s to flow, especially to people you admire or look up to (ie; the president of your company). I promise you that with some time, and a few more of these types of experience, you'll gather the confidence to fly through these situations without a second thought about it.
It does get easier for those "No thank you."s to flow, especially to people you admire or look up to (ie; the president of your company). I promise you that with some time, and a few more of these types of experience, you'll gather the confidence to fly through these situations without a second thought about it.
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by wpainterw 
How about, "Gee I'd like to have a sip but honestly I think it would be a bad idea since my doctor says it would interfere with any blood pressure medication."
The statement is true as it stands. It does not say that you happen to be taking that medication. Even though the guy is a CEO aren't there limits on his intrusiveness and vulgar insensitivity?
Anyway good for you! You did good!
W
The statement is true as it stands. It does not say that you happen to be taking that medication. Even though the guy is a CEO aren't there limits on his intrusiveness and vulgar insensitivity?
Anyway good for you! You did good!
W
I think next time, if there is a next time, I will borrow your thought process and simply state, "medically, I cannot drink." Internet high five for the idea, thanks!
seeking acceptance
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 83
Hi - late to the comments, but adding my 2cents. I've been at the same job almost 20 years and have done the same thing! It's just easier than bantering with someone who is slightly tipsy and outranks me. I'm always prepared in advance in my head (the glass is for holding not drinking!) and I come out the other side, as you did, just fine. Nice job!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
It's a shame you discounted Daytrader's post. I have found that the path of consideration has been invaluable to me in my recovery. And usually when I react by discounting something i just don't want to hear or consider, I'll miss what i really could benefit from. How do you know what you don't know? Well, if I continue a habit of no consideration, I'll never find out. Most of the posts here have been mostly "Gee, I'm sorry you were put in this situation......" Well, I'm glad you were put in this situation. This is a real experience with sobriety in the real world. And the fact of the matter is that these are the experiences that teach you several things. First of which, YOU are responsible for YOUR sobriety and YOU alone. People aren't going to change for your sobriety. Daytrader hit the nail on the head. If your boss is your problem, what happens if he doesn't change? And I don't care what his position is whether he's the CEO or the janitor. Who is screwed if they are waiting on him to change to suit their sobriety? My sobriety comes first. It comes before a job, spouse, friends, family. It has to or else all the others go away anyway.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
BP and others, he did put his sobriety at the top of his list, because he didn't drink the miserable glass of alcohol. He skated through the whole scene and got rid of it. Let's not forget that. The liquid was tossed. He understands what counts.
Why would people have such a hard time seeing this context? The man has 2 months and a bit. One doesn't stop drinking and then immediately manage every single instance of one's life in a manner that is going to satisfy every burning-an-amber critic. This context allowed very little opportunity to be heard and understood (let alone interpreted and appreciated and respected). How would he have been understood in that room? He couldn't say no fifteen more times. He couldn't pound on the table. He couldn't speak nose to nose in defiance. And he couldn't walk out.
This was a frustrating occurrence, and it's as simple as that. If he runs into another scenario like this one, I'm sure he knows better than we do that it is bound to be just as uncomfortable, not just because the hideous liquid is near him but because of the humiliation that comes with it. It's on Untox to come to terms with what it will take to manage that situation or prevent it. Or whatever it takes, and I frankly don't know what it would take to manage it gracefully. I'm fortunate that the last few times I was in a remotely comparable situation, the person at the top did not drink, so I was not outnumbered and therefore not under scrutiny and not poked and prodded and humiliated.
I think we bandy about too easily the notion that we can take or leave jobs and people with authority. It's fine to say that sobriety needs to be at the top, but let's not minimize the significance of someone's job and the political manoeuvering that may come with it.
I am sure I sound like Mr Sensitive, using an approach that pats someone on the head instead of taking a hard line in this case, but I still think there's something to be said for allowing someone time to grow into their own self-affirmation techniques. A newly sober person (whatever "new" means) has to learn to live with everybody else, including those who drink. That doesn't necessarily come along with 2 months of no drinking, with or without a recovery program. If it took him faking his way through the "event," so that he didn't create a "scene," then I think that was brave enough for now; and I'll let him learn what will work better for next time, and he has lots of useful caution-minded input to draw from.
I think I'm a little more opinionated or exasperated than usual in this reply of mine.
Why would people have such a hard time seeing this context? The man has 2 months and a bit. One doesn't stop drinking and then immediately manage every single instance of one's life in a manner that is going to satisfy every burning-an-amber critic. This context allowed very little opportunity to be heard and understood (let alone interpreted and appreciated and respected). How would he have been understood in that room? He couldn't say no fifteen more times. He couldn't pound on the table. He couldn't speak nose to nose in defiance. And he couldn't walk out.
This was a frustrating occurrence, and it's as simple as that. If he runs into another scenario like this one, I'm sure he knows better than we do that it is bound to be just as uncomfortable, not just because the hideous liquid is near him but because of the humiliation that comes with it. It's on Untox to come to terms with what it will take to manage that situation or prevent it. Or whatever it takes, and I frankly don't know what it would take to manage it gracefully. I'm fortunate that the last few times I was in a remotely comparable situation, the person at the top did not drink, so I was not outnumbered and therefore not under scrutiny and not poked and prodded and humiliated.
I think we bandy about too easily the notion that we can take or leave jobs and people with authority. It's fine to say that sobriety needs to be at the top, but let's not minimize the significance of someone's job and the political manoeuvering that may come with it.
I am sure I sound like Mr Sensitive, using an approach that pats someone on the head instead of taking a hard line in this case, but I still think there's something to be said for allowing someone time to grow into their own self-affirmation techniques. A newly sober person (whatever "new" means) has to learn to live with everybody else, including those who drink. That doesn't necessarily come along with 2 months of no drinking, with or without a recovery program. If it took him faking his way through the "event," so that he didn't create a "scene," then I think that was brave enough for now; and I'll let him learn what will work better for next time, and he has lots of useful caution-minded input to draw from.
I think I'm a little more opinionated or exasperated than usual in this reply of mine.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
Hey Untox!
Just wanted to also give you a big high five on a situation well handled.
Being the low guy in tow can be scary when the President of said company puts a demand like that on you. And like others said they would have been more firm but at what cost?
Sad enough most people in the position of President have a big time ego and saying no in a forceful way above what you tried might have had some very serious long term effects of being labeled as a "non team player" for such a stupid thing.
I have seen it happen before...
In the end you did not drink and held onto your sobriety like a king!
That is all that counts.
Just wanted to also give you a big high five on a situation well handled.
Being the low guy in tow can be scary when the President of said company puts a demand like that on you. And like others said they would have been more firm but at what cost?
Sad enough most people in the position of President have a big time ego and saying no in a forceful way above what you tried might have had some very serious long term effects of being labeled as a "non team player" for such a stupid thing.
I have seen it happen before...
In the end you did not drink and held onto your sobriety like a king!
That is all that counts.
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by BP44
It's a shame you discounted Daytrader's post.
The message of accountability is clear and needn't be belabored, but if you feel the need to jump on the "me-too" bus because it inflates your ego under the illusion of helping others with tough love, be my guest. It's entertaining, if anything else.
At the end of the day, I was sober. There is no need to get melodramatic over what could have been. What was, quite simply, was.
Oh and rest assured, I was taught several things. Lessons from that experience as well as lessons about people on SR regarding the "proper way" to get and stay sober. That's as real as it gets.
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by Toronto68
Why would people have such a hard time seeing this context? The man has 2 months and a bit. One doesn't stop drinking and then immediately manage every single instance of one's life in a manner that is going to satisfy every burning-an-amber critic. This context allowed very little opportunity to be heard and understood (let alone interpreted and appreciated and respected). How would he have been understood in that room? He couldn't say no fifteen more times. He couldn't pound on the table. He couldn't speak nose to nose in defiance. And he couldn't walk out.
I do believe that every person in this thread has provided some good insight but many times the message is lost because it can be easy for the person saying it to forget...it's not what you say, but how you say it that is truly heard.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by BP44
I have found that the path of consideration has been invaluable to me in my recovery.
He is not, in the long run, nearly as much a threat to your sobriety, untox, as your own reaction to him and his f'ed up behavior. I don't have to tell you that there will always be another like him come up in your life, that is why you posted, I assume.... How to handle that if and when that comes up again?
Look first at your own reaction ... to the whatever the circumstance..... That is what will get you in trouble, threaten your sobriety.... and, thankfully, that is the only thing you have control of.... all the rest is random events happening in your universe.
Anger and resentment is a luxury that recovered alcoholics cannot afford. And, no, I don't have to tell you that.... you recognized it... went to the gym, and all that. Please look also at the experience, strength and hope a couple of the guys here shared with you... and your own reaction to it... How's that feel?... Can you afford to feel like you do every time someone tells you something you don't want to hear?
Just something to consider
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Unintoxicated, i HAVE read through the 72 posts here. I think you did the logical, responsible thing when confronted...the person was *tipsy* and in authority, HE might have taken offense at a more firm response from you...and carried that feeling further.
I agree with Toronto and also feel you made a good choice for the situation....I know I cannot afford to make enemies (or fren-emies) when it comes to my job too....and I have been here 23 years.
(I try to remember that opinions are like A$$***s, everybody has one). and congrats on your sobriety!
I agree with Toronto and also feel you made a good choice for the situation....I know I cannot afford to make enemies (or fren-emies) when it comes to my job too....and I have been here 23 years.
(I try to remember that opinions are like A$$***s, everybody has one). and congrats on your sobriety!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Un....
I'd submit you completely missed the point of my post but that's ok. Much of what I've come to understand in sobriety I was dead set against, early on, myself. Especially in early sobriety it's not uncommon to not want to think about things......to just go on with what you know/believe/feel is right rather than question our own beliefs. The purpose of my post was to consider whether those beliefs hold water - I wasn't accusing you of anything.
And for what it's worth, in your first post you asked for people's thoughts.....then got upset when my thought was presented. You asked, in a public forum, for peoples opinions....I didn't so much ive you mine as challenge you to consider your own...yet you found that offensive. Perhaps that's a new consideration to work on...why what I said was offensive to you?
I also found that the bulk of my growth in sobriety (and that of everyone I know, for that matter) has come on the heels of discovering beliefs I held onto were not only off base, they were 180* in the wrong direction. In other words, it wasn't what we "don't know" that holds us back so much as it it what do "do know" that isn't really so.
....and, the reason for the "tone" of my reply comes from the belief that what was true 75yrs ago when the Big Book was written is still true today: that resentments are the #1 offender - the #1 item that takes an alcoholic back to the bottle. I care enough about other alkies to not let things like that go unnoticed. If it hurt your feelings, so be it. But, to me, it's more important to look at our resentments (and the rest of our inventory) and get a solid plan of action in place over "atta-boying" someone right out the door because they never take an honest look at what's really going on.
I'd submit you completely missed the point of my post but that's ok. Much of what I've come to understand in sobriety I was dead set against, early on, myself. Especially in early sobriety it's not uncommon to not want to think about things......to just go on with what you know/believe/feel is right rather than question our own beliefs. The purpose of my post was to consider whether those beliefs hold water - I wasn't accusing you of anything.
And for what it's worth, in your first post you asked for people's thoughts.....then got upset when my thought was presented. You asked, in a public forum, for peoples opinions....I didn't so much ive you mine as challenge you to consider your own...yet you found that offensive. Perhaps that's a new consideration to work on...why what I said was offensive to you?
I also found that the bulk of my growth in sobriety (and that of everyone I know, for that matter) has come on the heels of discovering beliefs I held onto were not only off base, they were 180* in the wrong direction. In other words, it wasn't what we "don't know" that holds us back so much as it it what do "do know" that isn't really so.
....and, the reason for the "tone" of my reply comes from the belief that what was true 75yrs ago when the Big Book was written is still true today: that resentments are the #1 offender - the #1 item that takes an alcoholic back to the bottle. I care enough about other alkies to not let things like that go unnoticed. If it hurt your feelings, so be it. But, to me, it's more important to look at our resentments (and the rest of our inventory) and get a solid plan of action in place over "atta-boying" someone right out the door because they never take an honest look at what's really going on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Boss: "Come on, drink it already"
Me: "I am taking medication that makes drinking very dangerous, I can't even use mouthwash"
Boss: "Ohh, what's wrong"?
Me: "Just a genetic thing, I'm all good but I can't mix booze with the medicine"
Bam! I didn't spend 20 drinking and lying for nothing!!! Use it to our advantage when people want to be pushy. I hate that you had to go through that. I know honesty is (typically) the best policy, but if I'm pushed I can lie with the best of them. I will go to any length to ensure my sobriety, even if that means boldface lying to my boss!!!!
Me: "I am taking medication that makes drinking very dangerous, I can't even use mouthwash"
Boss: "Ohh, what's wrong"?
Me: "Just a genetic thing, I'm all good but I can't mix booze with the medicine"
Bam! I didn't spend 20 drinking and lying for nothing!!! Use it to our advantage when people want to be pushy. I hate that you had to go through that. I know honesty is (typically) the best policy, but if I'm pushed I can lie with the best of them. I will go to any length to ensure my sobriety, even if that means boldface lying to my boss!!!!
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by DayTrader
But, to me, it's more important to look at our resentments (and the rest of our inventory) and get a solid plan of action in place over "atta-boying" someone right out the door because they never take an honest look at what's really going on.
How does that work exactly? Looking at other peoples' resentments and inventory that is?
Something, DayTrader, for you to consider.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 82
I think you handled it how it was best for you and that is all that matters to keep YOUR sobriety. No sense rocking the boat, its hard enough to find and keep a job nowadays with the way things are. If it worked for you, that is all that matters. Personally, I probably would have gotten angry and told them off - guess thats why I just cant deal with the corporate crap anymore! 
Congrats on your sobriety, keep up the good work!
Congrats on your sobriety, keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Not everyone feels the need to dance the 12 steps or wave the BB in front of your face.
then again, some people just feel it's right to assume they know everything about everyone's circumstances and have a quote from the "BB" to make it fit their point.
Unintox, you have a variety of answers and most people feel you dealt with the sudden situation to the best of your ability. and the important thing is that although you were pressured (which is wrong but beyond your control in that scenario), you simply tossed the booze out.
and it's OK to be aggravated by annoying people, better to post it here than let it affect your job and work relationships.
i think this horse is dead, we should stop beating it?
then again, some people just feel it's right to assume they know everything about everyone's circumstances and have a quote from the "BB" to make it fit their point.
Unintox, you have a variety of answers and most people feel you dealt with the sudden situation to the best of your ability. and the important thing is that although you were pressured (which is wrong but beyond your control in that scenario), you simply tossed the booze out.
and it's OK to be aggravated by annoying people, better to post it here than let it affect your job and work relationships.
i think this horse is dead, we should stop beating it?
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
I concur Fandy.
I do, however, appreciate what DayTrader and BB44 have brought to my attention (despite their modus operandi). They have given me reason to begin further introspection and I do believe their hearts are in the right place.
I'm starting to realize that not drinking and keeping from drinking in certain situations is the easy part. The hard part is figuring out and confronting the reasons I drank to begin with. It's a little frustrating to realize this because it feels like another mountain to climb, but then again so did stopping the drink.
Whatever happens, people are people, and I understand that.
I do, however, appreciate what DayTrader and BB44 have brought to my attention (despite their modus operandi). They have given me reason to begin further introspection and I do believe their hearts are in the right place.
I'm starting to realize that not drinking and keeping from drinking in certain situations is the easy part. The hard part is figuring out and confronting the reasons I drank to begin with. It's a little frustrating to realize this because it feels like another mountain to climb, but then again so did stopping the drink.
Whatever happens, people are people, and I understand that.
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