augustwest

trust me man, your wee wee won't fall off if you go a while without sex. i know from experience. i had to become willing to do whatever it takes it stay clean, and for me that meant following suggestions and putting my recovery first, above everything else in life. while learning this new way of life, i found that the raw, casual sex i was accustomed to didn't feel right or very spiritual. and i also learned that i was too freaking sick to have a healthy relationship, so any woman desiring a relationship with me was bound to be even sicker than i am. Now that's sick! put those things together and i just stayed away from it all for a while.

HidLid

Unless you get married I doubt you will have to worry about that lol. But seriously, you just are venturing into unknown territory, fear is natural but it usually is discovered to be baseless. I'd suggest not even trying to find a new g/f or what not and become comfortable by yourself. I'm a firm believer that if we are unable to be happy with just ourselves first we will never be truly happy with another.

Antiderivative

It is a genuine fear. I had it once around your age. It is something that you will overcome and you will learn new ways on how to meet girls. It will take some time and effort.

Chances are that you probably want a meaningful relationship one day. For me, a meaningful relationship and boozing do not mix together. Its one or the other.

From reading your introductory post, I think that putting the booze down is actually a great first step for you to find a nice girl. You are already on the path, but just don't know it.

milwaukeeguy85

I get it anti that this is the ONLY path I can ever take to live a life free of unneeded guilt, shame, and embarrassment. On one hand I feel I am wasting my youth by turning to sobriety, and on the other token I feel stronger that I am wasting my youth/entire life on doing the things I have done.

It is just a battle, I know what side I need to be on. It is kind of like being a drug dealer. You realize what you are doing is bad but it brings you so much profit, women, and instant gratification. Yet on the other hand you can do things the hard way (ie getting a real job) but you will get better sleep at night not worrying about the police kicking your door in at any second. I look at sobriety as the latter of the 2.

BurningChrome

MG, Trust me on this one.... If you do NOT quit now while you are young (and wise enough to see you have a problem!), you will be a 40-50 year old drunk before you know it. Maybe a functioning alcoholic like I am where I can still do an actual tech job, but an alcoholic none the less. Just imagine what 20 more years of drinking toxins will do to your body!
Best regards,
..Mike

getr345

I have found that "roadblocks" to sobriety are almost always put there by the person who is trying to get sober. So try harder. Call it what you want, a roadblock, an excuse whatever, but only you can decide how important getting sober truly is and if it's the most important thing in your life, you will not put anything between you and that goal. Or allow anything to be put there. You have a hand, use it. Relationships complicate early sobriety anyway. Being single is the IDEAL circumstance under which to get sober and stay sober. I heard it put best this way...

Get sober. After a year of that, get a plant. If the plant does not die within a year of getting it, get a pet...take care of the pet like you took care of the plant. Stay sober. If the pet lives a year and you stay sober and have the plant and the pet and everybody and everything is alive, thriving and sober...THEN...consider a relationship with an actual human being.

Harry01854

Milwaukee, hang in there my friend. People are giving you a lot of good advice. In time, as you start making those changes, your life, as you are living it, will be getting better and better. The day will come when you will be able to fulfill your needs in a healthy way. Trust me, your not wasting your youth by getting and staying sober. You'll be making a better life for yourself while you are still young. Learning how to love yourself for who you are will eventually let you share your love with someone else.

Harry

Dee74

Hi milwaukeeguy85

There are many other places, not involving alcohol, to meet women if sex is that important to you... but I gotta go with the consensus here.

I think your recovery is far more important right now to be honest.

Don't get distracted - if your recovery's not right, then nothing else will be.

D

LexieCat

MG,

My suggestion is that you find an all men's AA group. There is one here that most of the guys I know with REALLY awesome sobriety go to. Part of the reason for those groups is to have a place where the guys can talk about the guy stuff without shame or fear. (Women's groups serve the same purpose for women.)

Believe me, you aren't the only guy out there with the same kinds of concerns and issues. It might also be a place to meet an awesome sponsor who you can talk to about this kind of stuff on a day-to-day basis.

Take care of your sobriety, and you WILL be popular with the ladies. Plenty of us have had it up to here with having drunks in our lives.

I agree with those who say this is only a stumbling block for you to the extent you allow it to be. Keep on drinking, and it's really tough to attract someone when your liver starts to fail or you have to ask her to drive because you lost your license.

milwaukeeguy85

Thank you all for the good advice. It is funny because in my industry I talk to people about thinking "long term" all the time instead of just going for the short term gain. I guess in this case it is applicable to me. I dont see how I could let a 10 second (if I am lucky) orgasm compromise my sobriety and where I want to be in my life. I guess biology is just a powerful thing, but I need my will power to be stronger. As far as the whole plant/pet analogy, I will take it as that. There is no way I am not going to have sex for two years, but I will make sure I am in a good place in my life before I get involved with any woman (seriously at least).

bellakeller

sorry, I deleted original post.

Kjell

It's a valid fear and one that we share.

I'm in AA and my sponsor asked me to go one year (ONE YEAR!) without any connection with girls. It's tough at times, but so worth it.

See, I was pretty much wrong in much of what I thought, what I did, and especially what I did to others (just in general). I want to get right and treat people right - I don't want to waste anymore time being wrong.

...and when I do start dating again, I don't want to screw that up too. I want it to mean something (cheesy, I know).

Great post - even better honesty!

Squizz

I watched a video not too long ago, and the guy in the video made a very good point. He said:

"I'd be a millionaire, if my brain wasn't in my balls."

It's so true. You've really gotta' start thinking with the head on your shoulders. I've gotta' admit, I'm in much the same boat. I'm 25 years old myself. But I've been sober for 50 days now. It's not easy, but you're not going to stay sober chasing girls at bars. I know this, because I've tried it myself.

firestorm090

An oldtimer in AA put it this way; "The beaver trail leads to wine country".

That just cracked me up and still does.