suki44883

Next time you feel a craving, go make love to your girlfriend.

NEOMARXIST

Hey man, I think recovery is definately a daily work in progress. A daily reprieve.

I know that I have to make sure that I work my recovery every single day.

All The best, Peace

blackstrat6

Glad to see you back goat.

Opivotal

Goat,

So glad your starting again. Sometimes, we need to get help for the emotional side of us also. Could be what's holding you back. Just my thought. Take care and USE your support system.

Best Wishes To You

Goat

I must be totaly messed in the head. A few minutes ago I actually considered going and getting another bottle to drown this hangover.

Totally insane.

I'm not going to get another bottle, but I am just amazed at how quickly it started again!

-Goat

Dee74

I'm glad you're back Goat

As I've said before this thing is relentless and each of us underestimates it at our peril. People end up dead.

Draw the line in the sand, mate.

I would find myself back 'in the hole' time and time again...I eventually realised how utterly puppetlike I was with this addiction...

To cut the strings, maybe you have make some decisive moves G?...

D

ElegantlyWasted

"lend strength and draw strength, and maybe together we can help each other"

Reciprocity without manipulation my brother...
Keep the connections real and meaningful, I know I struggle at times, but it is ultimately amazingly rewarding...

Fandy

your not going to drink....because then your pain and your shame will go on....you don't want to keep feeling sick. the first hours are the longest and hardest....but you have to get past this....

take a deep breath, in fact take several.....find a distraction....some wise woman (Anna)? told me that the actual craving lasts 7 mins.....i set my microwave timer for 8 mins.....go out and get the mail, clean your toilet, phone a friend, go to the store, buy some vitamins.....anything to help you get over the hurdle.

Sasha4

Put a cup of water with a splash of washing up liquid in it in the microwave when you set it for 8 mins.
After eight mins - all the nasty dried on gunk will just wipe clean and your microwave will be dazzling.

Add a slice of lemon to make it smell super clean and fresh!!

xxxx

Goat

Well it's 7:30 and I'm still sober :-D

I'm starting to feel vaguely human again, too.

I'm a little worried about sleeping tonight. I have a very hard time sleeping when I'm hung over. I fall asleep, stop breathing, and awaken with a start. It's no fun at all.

I'll probably hang out on the couch with SR on my computer

-Goat

Happier

Glad you are back Goat. Glad you were able to get back up on you feet and continue the fight. I hope you can find support, peace, and strength here.

Fandy

glad you made a positive step! not sleeping is the worst but tomorrow will be better...a small dish of ice cream (not chocolate) helps get me yawning.

Hevyn

Goat - Very proud of you for coming clean about it. I relapsed many times, and each time definitely was more horrible, & with worse consequences. The last time I went on a binge I got my first - and second - DUI. I started drinking round the clock. I alienated my family, friends, & the people I worked with. I'd fall asleep for a couple hours & wake up only to start drinking again because I'd be shaking too much. As you mentioned, the guilt and remorse play a huge part in keeping us on square one. You never have to go back there - this is where the crazy ride can end.

I can never put myself through that hell again. I think you're in the same place, Goat, and maybe sometimes that's what needs to happen. I know it did for me - I was playing with it for years - needed to finally admit there could never be "just a few" for me.

Carry on, Goat - you are going to do this!

Goat

It's just so funny... I have known and thought I understood powerlessness for years.

But from this vantage point I don't think I ever really understood it at all.

I HAVE to do this. This time. This has to be the end. I really scared myself this time.

-Goat

Chakra

What happened this time that scared you so much? That is if you feel comfortable with sharing.

Goat

Honestly, I haven't pieced it all together yet. But I think I can break it into categories:

1) How little resistance I put up against the alcohol. I mean it leaned me over the barrel and I asked for more. I know better -- I know all the mind games I play against myself, and I let them get the better of me anyway.

2) How completely I dropped my responsibilities. I could very easily have really screwed myself financially.

3) How I had absolutely no idea how much alcohol I had consumed until the next morning. I woke up this morning with four empty wine bottles. I have awakened in the morning on one occasion in the past with an equal quantity of empty rum bottles.

That's just crazy.

Chakra

Sounds like we are in the same boat here. The self inflicted mind games, the ******** reasoning you do with yourself to make it ok to drink, ect. My off switch just does not work and I am sick of making an ass of myself in public. Unlike you, I have NO IDEA the amount of beer I consume in a night because most of it is comp'd and I had been getting so wasted that it could be 15 pints at a time. I have no idea.

I just knew that if I did not make a real commitment, I will spend the rest of my life a lonely pathetic drunk until my liver says f*ck you, and quits.

Lets keep each other strong. Its not gonna be easy for either of us but I know if I have people on here who would in my mind, be disappointed in me, I'm more likely to stay sober. I can't wait til this gets easier!!!

Dee74

it is crazy - the worst kind...it's like you go into some kind of fugue.

Acceptance really helped me Goat - I accepted that I'd always end up at 'that place', sooner or later, and the only way to be sure I never end up there again is to never get back on that particular ride....

Of course that's not as easy as it is simple...but it helped me to keep that idea in my head.

D

Goat

Yeah, I think I wanna say that last part again, because I had a bit of a shudder when I read it over again.

I stopped at four wine bottles last night. If I had decided to drink again today, I might have switched to rum. And if I switched to rum I might very well have made it to four fifths of rum. I've done it before. How I didn't die when I did that I don't know. But there's a good chance I won't be so lucky next time.

So, yeah, to sum it up. I'm afraid I might end up killing myself with this.

-Goat

Goat

I totally agree, BUT don't let the fact that folks might be disappointed keep you from coming back if you do fall off!

-Goat