Severian

Which, of course, is just as idiotic as saying "I almost didn't get pregnant". I think I am still a little drunk, actually. I crushed down quite a lot, and mathematically I don't think even my big body could have processed it all yet.

Is it odd that I started planning this post as I walked to the liquor store? My "I fell, but I want to get back up" post. I carried all of you with me into that store. You're heavy. And you didn't want to go.

It's early here. I wish I still had some booze in my house. And I don't wish it. I am conflicted there. But I take heart in that despite having it tattooed on my brain when the booze-selling stores close, I DON'T know when they open.

Day 1..................again.

NEOMARXIST

Yer, recovery really f*cks your buzz. Drinking after AA really F*cks your mind. Never the same again when you know that there is another way.

All The Best

Chops

LOL, aint that the truth...so a head full of SR and a belly full of booze don't mix, just like AA?

Severian, would you go to a damn meeting cause your not keeping yourself sober and the internet doesn't seem to be doing the trick. You know what, your a very likeable and intelligent guy even through this medium of the internet, it just kind of shows if you get my drift.

It worked for 2 months before, what do you have to lose except that great family and great paying job.

Wishing you the best. I am really pulling for you, if not AA try some other avenues posted by the good people here.

Dee74

My long journey from all day every day drinker to where I am now is littered with a million little missteps and stumbles...I spent many nights fighting my desire like it seems you did last Severian.

The important thing is to keep moving forward - look at what happened and why it happened and what else you could have done, or could/should do next time - and then stop, take a deep breath....and start again.

It's the ones who keep moving forward, the ones who keep adding to their available strategies - and use them all instead of drinking - who make it out, Severian.

It's good to see you straight back here

D

Kmber2010

Well said Dee. I too just held on each day and found different ways of handling the habit, addiction, temptation, urge, desire.....whatever you want to call the pull of the alcoholic brain.

Hang in there Sev. When you begin that walk to the liquor store and are thinking of us and writing out your post in your head.....just walk a different way around the block, maybe to the supermarket or somewhere and come home. Anything but that liquor store.

Each day will get better and you will get stronger. You can take all of that energy you put into your "proposed" relapse and apply towards something positive.

Then you can post here about how you survived and found a new way to handle the pull towards the bottle.

Keep posting and I know you can do it. You just have to hold yourself back from giving in. Each of us are doing or trying so hang tight friend.

intention

Hi Severian,

Powerless means mentally writing a post saying that you do want to quit alcohol when you are on your way to the store to buy some to drink.


In AA we can find some "power" which is our solution to the powerlessness.

As Chops has said, despite your dislike for AA the last time it kept you sober for a couple of months which is much better than how you are doing on your own.

I only quit drinking and did the work in AA when I realised that my way was never, ever going to work.
Keep in touch.

least

I too failed many times but with the support of friends I kept getting back up and trying again... and now I have six months sober. Do'nt give up!

sobermax

Hi S,

The most important part of your post for me is 'day 1 again': the fact that you're getting straight back on the horse.

Maybe you need more than SR, to have a good look at why it happened, and to remember that NO ONE has an easy ride.

Thinking of you today.

SM

vegibean

Severian, when I read your post title I immediately thought "like almost didn't get pregnant?" LOL!!

Then opened your thread and there is was.

You know, I've been there too. This is all such a learning process. Glad to see you back here on the site though, that is a good step in the right direction.

Just keep at it, don't give up on yourself, today is a new day. You seem to have the right attitude. You know we are all here to support you.

shelly009

Glad to have you back.. thats what we are here for!! Forget looking for more drinks.. the only thing that helps a hangover is McDonalds. Get some McDonalds food and a good movie and be glad that your getting back on track

Next time you try to walk me to the liquor store with you I am gonna hold onto to nearby tree and hope that stops you!

Grace2

Dont give up. We can help each other and I need all the help I can get right now.

almay777

I cannot seem to get this right either. Did 8 days without a drink and then failed. Am still failing. Drank lots yesterday - trying to figure out how to stay sober today :-(

Grace2

Almay, I've missed you. I've changed my name from disgrace to Grace2. I had a relapse and am back on day 3. Just keep posting and reading. You will find the motivation.

Severian

OK, an update from the dark side. Almost immediately (within 15 minutes) of starting this thread yesterday morning I found the 1/3 bottle of wine my wife had leftover from Saturday night (she can actually drink in quantities of less than a full bottle - very strange!). I quaffed it in about 2 minutes. 15 minutes later I dashed out to the market and bought a case of beer. About 5 or 6 beers later my wife discovered I wasn't working in the garage, but was sitting out there swilling beers. That lead to a rather tense conversation where she made the classic mistake of trying to get a drunk alcoholic to be rational. Another 5 or so beers later I went for a 3-hour nap. Woke up still drunk, but my beer and keys were nowhere to be found. I sulked for the next 4 hours and then apologized to my whole family and agreed to get back to AA.

I'm off to my first meeting in 5 years.

Day 1 yo!

artsoul

Good for you for going to a meeting! Just go back to ODAAT,and get all the support you need. Addiction is a powerful thing and you're not the first (nor the last) to have a slip. Hope you'll post and tell us about the meeting - hang in there, Sev....

Severian

I went to a meeting that I had been to 5 years ago - same place, same time. The meeting was fine. Good group leader, very amiable fellow. There's also an older gentleman that does the chips. I recall him from 5 years back. Very positive. When I took my white chip I joked to him that I probably had enough white chips to hold my own poker tournament. He just smiled and said, "However many it takes."

Two of the people who spoke moved me. One was a George Jefferson looking fellow who, in tears, told us he was 4 days sober because he was under a court order to go to AA. On his way to the meeting he ran into his son, whom he has not seen in 10 years. He was so grateful that he was sober when he saw him, and seemed genuinely moved and now committed to staying sober.

The other was a young lady of about 25 who was celebrating her 1 year of sobriety. She admitted that when she first started she had no intention of staying sober, but was looking to satisfy the judge's 30-day order. Now she's got a year of sobriety. Good for her!

I'll keep looking for a home group, but I'll probably hit this meeting up again as its a convenient location and time for me.

Brucel

Just a thought, maybe you just had that great meeting AT your new home group. Keep coming back brother, it DOES get better. Glad to hear you're back on the path. God Bless

TwelveSteps

Congrats, Sev. Many pats on the back.

GG

Chops

Good for you, please keep posting.....

Kmber2010

Good stuff Sev. I personally believe that we all find sobriety in many ways - divine intervention, rock bottom, court mandated, blah blah. The key is just to get the alcoholic to the table in hopes of them realizing that sobriety is manageable, is a better way of life and that it is never to late to say I can do this.

Glad to see your update and keep on going my friend.