just signed up today I can't do this by myself anymore
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: out there
Posts: 114
just signed up today I can't do this by myself anymore
Hi everyone just found this website last night and had to join. I can't do this by myself anymore. Things are getting worse. I am 48 and have been drinking since 18. Not alot in the beginning but as the years rolled by.... I work 4days on (which I don't drink) but off three days and I usually buy a box of wine equivalent to 5 bottles. I will drink all 3 days. If I feel like I start around 11am-12noon and keep going. Before I drink I start a app. which I downloaded on my cell called "drunkblocker" it's great you start the time when you start drinking and enter a finish time and click on all the contact in your phone you want to block then press "start the party" I do this because I am horrified the next day when I look to see who I called and wonder what I said. I also use to look at my phone log to see when my last call was so I know when I passed out. I drink alone if my husband is here I usuall get aggrivated with him when he tells me to slow down and I start yelling. I am so bloated after my last 3day bindge I can't stand it. My face and whole body is swollen. I also started to hjave panic attacks. My doc put me on meds for a year. I don't take them anymore because I know it's from the wine. Doc doesn't know I drink. I am starting to feel depressed and hate myself, on my sober days for all the drinking I did. I also drove the other day to get another bottle after my box ran out. I would NEVER consider driving before but things have gotton worse with my drinking. I have tried to stop by myself many times. 30 days was my longest but that was a year ago. I hope I can do it by joining this website. Thanks for listening
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Welcome!!
You do not have to feel like this ever again. It sounds like at least your body will be able to handle detoxing if you truly do not drink at all 3/4 days of the week.
Now it is time to get a plan. Gathering all the support that you can is a great course of action. I am heavily involved in AA and I love the life I have today. But if AA is not for you, there are othes programs out there too.
Don't pick up no matter what, take it easy on yourself and keep busy!
Oh yeah. Most importantly for me the first 90 days. Do not let yourself get too hungry, too angry, too lonely or tired. If you focus on taking the best care of yourself and don't drink no matter what, you will be amazed at the life waiting for you!
You do not have to feel like this ever again. It sounds like at least your body will be able to handle detoxing if you truly do not drink at all 3/4 days of the week.
Now it is time to get a plan. Gathering all the support that you can is a great course of action. I am heavily involved in AA and I love the life I have today. But if AA is not for you, there are othes programs out there too.
Don't pick up no matter what, take it easy on yourself and keep busy!
Oh yeah. Most importantly for me the first 90 days. Do not let yourself get too hungry, too angry, too lonely or tired. If you focus on taking the best care of yourself and don't drink no matter what, you will be amazed at the life waiting for you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 29
Thanks for posting. You will find this site very useful whether you contribute alot or not. There is safety in your anonymity (at least for me), you can say whatever you want and express yourself however you would like, and it will be ok. Continue to read the posts, you will realize you will find strength in everyones stories. Good luck - you can do it. We all have the ability to, we just have to be strong in our commitment! There are times where you have to realize that it is not even a matter or choice any longer, you just HAVE to do it for the health of yourself and your family. Be strong. You might even find that with the right attitude, you can be surprised and find it easier than you thought.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Bo, glad you found the site. If you're like me, you are probably not one to show up at the doctor's a lot, but I think you should try to be more upfront about the alcohol than you have been in the past.
The Drunkblocker thing is interesting, I don't think I have heard of that before. It's not all it's cracked up to be, is it? If I had used that as a tool, I would probably have found a lot of cases where I ignored the "alerts" - like with the Sleep button on the alarm.
You can interact with people here and get your head around the idea of quitting and what it takes from you. Obviously you are here with the desire to quit, you understand something is wrong. But it takes some learning too. I like to try to be inclusive in my approach to the topic of recovery.
Keep going!
The Drunkblocker thing is interesting, I don't think I have heard of that before. It's not all it's cracked up to be, is it? If I had used that as a tool, I would probably have found a lot of cases where I ignored the "alerts" - like with the Sleep button on the alarm.
You can interact with people here and get your head around the idea of quitting and what it takes from you. Obviously you are here with the desire to quit, you understand something is wrong. But it takes some learning too. I like to try to be inclusive in my approach to the topic of recovery.
Keep going!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Welcome to SR! 
Glad you joined the family. Glad also that you want to stop drinking. I'm six months sober now and feeling better than I have in several years.
I would suggest you see your doctor and be honest about your drinking, and that you want to stop. Meds can be given for a few days to get safely thru the first few days of w/d. Alcohol withdrawals can be dangerous so it's a good idea to have medical 'supervision', at least the first few days.
Wine was my downfall too, tho hadn't been drinking near as long as you, when I started going downhill it went fast. Within six or eight months after starting to have one glass a day I was drinking all day, every day, and drinking in the morning to stop the shakes and anxiety.
Please ask your doctor for help in getting sober, then after getting sober maybe check out some recovery programs to help you stay sober. I wish you the best. This site is great, it's helped me so much in the past couple years.
Glad you joined the family. Glad also that you want to stop drinking. I'm six months sober now and feeling better than I have in several years.I would suggest you see your doctor and be honest about your drinking, and that you want to stop. Meds can be given for a few days to get safely thru the first few days of w/d. Alcohol withdrawals can be dangerous so it's a good idea to have medical 'supervision', at least the first few days.
Wine was my downfall too, tho hadn't been drinking near as long as you, when I started going downhill it went fast. Within six or eight months after starting to have one glass a day I was drinking all day, every day, and drinking in the morning to stop the shakes and anxiety.
Please ask your doctor for help in getting sober, then after getting sober maybe check out some recovery programs to help you stay sober. I wish you the best. This site is great, it's helped me so much in the past couple years.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Bochuck, it's great to have you with us. You have a good attitude, & that's important. I was all doom & gloom, regret & guilt. Believe me, that doesn't work - it keeps you down & it's harder to get well.
You've picked a good time to quit - before the total devastation hits. I went on years longer than I should have, insisting I could control it (anything but give it up completely - why?). Once I only drank on my days off, but in the end I graduated to 24/7 drinking. I couldn't be without it in the end - and as you so wisely admitted - things are growing progressively worse. You didn't plan on ever driving drunk, but you did. Me too - and countless other "firsts" as I got sicker. It was going to end very badly for me, and I had to face it or die.
Keep talking to us and let us know how it's going - glad you are here.
You've picked a good time to quit - before the total devastation hits. I went on years longer than I should have, insisting I could control it (anything but give it up completely - why?). Once I only drank on my days off, but in the end I graduated to 24/7 drinking. I couldn't be without it in the end - and as you so wisely admitted - things are growing progressively worse. You didn't plan on ever driving drunk, but you did. Me too - and countless other "firsts" as I got sicker. It was going to end very badly for me, and I had to face it or die.
Keep talking to us and let us know how it's going - glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 176
I was new six days ago... now on sixth sober day, this place will keep you occupied when you need to be that's for sure.
I love this place, come check out the chat part, there are always people in there talking about... well whatever!
I love this place, come check out the chat part, there are always people in there talking about... well whatever!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Hi and welcome. I'm on day 3 and wine has been my downfall too. I've been struggling on my own for a while, but after my horrific drinking performance last Friday, I finally been honest with myself firstly. I went to my first AA meeting yesterday and went to my Doctors this morning ( I was terrified) and told him the truth. He was so kind and understanding. Give it a go.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome bochuk!:day6 I felt all the same during my last couple years of drinking: guilt, remorse, depression, anxiety (the worst), fear, hopelessness. I had to hold on to SR for dear life the first few days.
I drank alot like you did: a few really bad days with a few days off (and a moderate day here and there). I was either getting over hangovers, which were actually withdrawals, being miserable without a drink, or getting tanked. I knew it wasn't going to get any better, because I'd tried a million times to moderate and made promises to quit which were often broken the same day. I finally said enough is enough, and I'm so glad I did.
You're right that we can't do this on our own. We need all the support we can get (doctors, couselors, AA, SR).... But if any of us can do it, you can to! I'm glad you're here!
I drank alot like you did: a few really bad days with a few days off (and a moderate day here and there). I was either getting over hangovers, which were actually withdrawals, being miserable without a drink, or getting tanked. I knew it wasn't going to get any better, because I'd tried a million times to moderate and made promises to quit which were often broken the same day. I finally said enough is enough, and I'm so glad I did.
You're right that we can't do this on our own. We need all the support we can get (doctors, couselors, AA, SR).... But if any of us can do it, you can to! I'm glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome, Bochuck!
That's interesting...drunkblocker...before they had "an app for that" I used to leave "DO NOT CALL - YOU WILL REGRET IT" stickies on my phone and then even graduated to hiding the phone so I wouldn't make those embarrassing calls.
Sheesh.
Was a wine lover too...tons of sugar which quickly turns to fat (also part of the reason for the anxiety - elevated blood sugar)...thought switching to vodka would prevent the bloating and panic - wrong.
You also described to a "T" the emotional bottom that finally did me in and made me say enough. It was the most unbearable, self-loathing, shameful feeling in the world.
We get what you're going through and for me, it didn't matter how many times I had tried to cut down, control, switch, or quit drinking before.
I knew when enough was enough and was willing to do whatever it took to get sober. And yes, support is crucial so very glad you're here with us.
That's interesting...drunkblocker...before they had "an app for that" I used to leave "DO NOT CALL - YOU WILL REGRET IT" stickies on my phone and then even graduated to hiding the phone so I wouldn't make those embarrassing calls.
Sheesh.
Was a wine lover too...tons of sugar which quickly turns to fat (also part of the reason for the anxiety - elevated blood sugar)...thought switching to vodka would prevent the bloating and panic - wrong.
You also described to a "T" the emotional bottom that finally did me in and made me say enough. It was the most unbearable, self-loathing, shameful feeling in the world.
We get what you're going through and for me, it didn't matter how many times I had tried to cut down, control, switch, or quit drinking before.
I knew when enough was enough and was willing to do whatever it took to get sober. And yes, support is crucial so very glad you're here with us.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: London
Posts: 29
I am now 4 months sober, first day here. You need to get to an AA meeting and try to get some service there. That will help you straight away. Also get a sponsor. The moment you walk through the door someone should ask you if you are new to AA and then they will help you. Welcome to the wonderfull world of recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: out there
Posts: 114
Hi thanks for the positive words. How long did it take for the anxiety to wear off and the bloated puffyness? Did any wine drinkers lose weight after stopping or did you substitute it for sugar/ I gained seven ponds in my last week wine bindge. Didn't eat much just the wine
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Bochuck - I was primarily a wine drinker. I have been sober for 18 months and I have lost 52lbs in that time. The bloating and puffyness wore off after a couple of weeks. I struggle with anxiety anyway, but nothing like it was when I was drinking. I did substitute sugar for a while and my sponsor's advice was to do my best to moderate it but if it helped me not pick up a drink, it was all good.
Posting here was my first real step in quitting drinking. I am in AA, but I also found Rational Recovery very helpful. Most of us need some support to quit. Keep posting here, even if you are still drinking. I certainly did. I'd sit here with wine in hand and read for the first little while and now here I am 18 months clean and sober. We can't do it alone, but we can do it together
Posting here was my first real step in quitting drinking. I am in AA, but I also found Rational Recovery very helpful. Most of us need some support to quit. Keep posting here, even if you are still drinking. I certainly did. I'd sit here with wine in hand and read for the first little while and now here I am 18 months clean and sober. We can't do it alone, but we can do it together
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 159
Hey Bochuck,
Welcome.
I was a wine-binge-drinker. In the early weeks I had a lot of major sugar cravings where I would wake up in the middle of the night too, to get some candy, I gave into them because anything was better than drinking. But those wear off and I sleep like a baby now.
Body looking more defined and definatly less puffed up after about two 1/2 months ;-)
Welcome.
I was a wine-binge-drinker. In the early weeks I had a lot of major sugar cravings where I would wake up in the middle of the night too, to get some candy, I gave into them because anything was better than drinking. But those wear off and I sleep like a baby now.
Body looking more defined and definatly less puffed up after about two 1/2 months ;-)
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