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I am flipping out

Old 04-17-2010, 01:44 PM
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I am flipping out

nothing else to say really...I seem to be on the verge of a panic attack at all times. Was going to rehab last week but that would lose my job- I have a lot to lose.. not drinking much, but I feel this pressure in my head. Had a flat tire today- normal, right? My cars lug wrench broke, its a pretty new car and wasnt cheap, so I go into this panic anxiety thing. This is stupid I know, but I didnt know how to vent so I am here. Anyway- I think I am going insane in a way. I really wish I could take off a couple of weeks and detox. One weird thing, I don't drink anywhere near what I used to (around 4-5 per day, those are real numbers, no reason to lie to you all), but my hangover/anxiety is off the charts!! I am a nervous wreck, I guess from the reduction in drinking, I have no idea. Not the same person I was a year ago. My DR prescribed Klonopin for me which I take, and it helps sleep but I wonder if it is causing other things?? Long post for me...hope youre doing good.
Dub
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:01 PM
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I dont know dub, They say anything you put in front of your recovery you will lose eventually anyway.
I understand not being able to just not go to work for awhile to get help. Its like a catch 22 sometimes it seems.
But this isnt going to stop until you do something about it.
Have you tried a day treatment place? Intensive out patient. They have day and night groups. Its just like rehab except you go home and can go about your responsibilities.
How bout meetings?
Just doing nothing isnt going to do anything. I am glad you can come here and vent. But what is that going to do to fix the problem?
I hope you find a solution soon. I know you want to. At least i think you do. But you have to take action. Either that or just dont drink..no matter what.
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:09 PM
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Dub. Have you looked up licensed recovery counselors who take people on a sliding scale fee? I was very fortunate to meet my counselor. He was a licensed social worker in recovery. I spent weekends in counseling and he only charged me ten bucks a session because he knew I wanted recovery. I couldn't go to rehab either. I had to keep my job. I don't have any family and if I lost my job....that was all I had. I already lost my home and was living in my car. Any who....Dub. HANG ON. Tie a knot on the end of the rope. I am so happy you came here.

I felt like unzipping me and stepping OUT the first six months. Literally. I couldn't stand that knattering in my head. It was constant. IT DOES GET BETTER DUB.
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:10 PM
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thanks A- I know I need to do something, I appreciate your response. You seem like you really have your stuff together.
Dub
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:13 PM
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Hey Dub,
For me, anxiety after drinking was normal, things would always get blown way out of proportion. I was drinking about as much as you say you are now - 3/4 to a whole bottle of wine every night. When I'm not drinking at all, that kind of anxiety goes away.

Is it possible to take a medical leave from your job? I wouldn't want to risk my job either, so I get that, but is there a way you could do it and still keep the job?
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:14 PM
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Dedubya....If you are insane than so am I and tons of others out their working on quitting. I will say that years ago, I could drink and maybe black out feel like crappola the next day and be right back at it later in the day. Over the recent year I physically have problems with drinking which was one of the main reasons I had quit. I developed panic attacks that were overwhelming.....oh they just restarted but then again so did the booze and I just took hydroxyzine for this scratching which may also have contributed. I felt the same way.....losing my mind. Everything was horrible.

Please be careful if you are still drinking to watch what types of pills you take. When I first had the panic attacks I went to ER and they gave me zanax. I never put two and two together that maybe the rum and the loads of sugar and caffeine in the soda were triggering the attacks. I took the zanax and man I was passed out upright in the chair at the table. I stopped those.

My panic attacks reduced significantly while I was sober. Actually within about a week of my quitting they were controllable and I went didn't have one attack prior to my relapse.

I am so sorry you are going through this. But please know that there is a connection with alcohol and panic attacks. You are stressed, just significantly reduced consumption and also taking klonpin.

I would talk to your doctor about this. Also how much are you consuming daily?

Just hang in there my friend.
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:15 PM
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Thx dub, but I am far from having it together. But I am learning more and more everyday how to not fall apart or dig any deeper.

I am not one to suggest meetings. But what could it hurt? An hour a day to at least be around others going through the same thing. And others who have been doing it for years to help guide you to a better wya to live.

Its either do something or live with what you got now. Whats that saying..**** or get off the pot?. Dont take that wrong please. I am not trying to be mean. Just honest because I do care.
I hope you decide to do something.
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:20 PM
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Oh I should add the tremors and uncontrollable shakes went with the panic attacks. My dr. said it was my body's withdrawal from the absurd amount of alcohol levels in my body. I went to have liver enzymes checked and I was 380 when the norm was 35 or so. This was taken when I was drinking. My numbers have since returned to perfect levels "sober" and that is when the attacks went away.
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:28 PM
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hey Dub

like others have said anxiety issues are pretty common for most of us. Maybe a Dr's visit is in order, especially if you suspect the Klonopin might be to blame.

I'm disappointed you didn't do the rehab, mate.

D
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:34 PM
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I agree Dub, the anxiety you are feeling now is probably a result of drinking less. It's something that most of us go through when we stop drinking. Our bodies have to figure things out. Do talk to your dr and I hope you reconsider the rehab.
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:55 PM
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Was the klonopin prescribed to help with withdrawal? It should help you some in getting off alcohol, but is very dangerous when taken while still drinking. I too am sorry you didn't go to rehab. How much lower will you go before you stop drinking completely? I shudder to think of what could happen in the meantime... I hope and pray you can do a supervised detox, and soon.
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:55 PM
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Dub, I don't know what state you live in but you need to check out the "family leave act" or some disability...in regards to losing your job for seeking treatment for a medical ailment.

I am going to ask you a question...If you had a terrible cancer, or GI symptom, what would you do? would you keep working? and self-medicating? or would you seek treatment...I do not mean to sound harsh, but you have to help yourself before you can help your loved ones....think of them. Klonapin and booze..I think this is a terrible combination.

I wish you the best.....
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Old 04-17-2010, 03:52 PM
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Thanks my Friends
I am going to my daughters prom party now at a country club around here- """"danger zone""""" (Senior night!), she has a cool date- (at least I think) and yellow dress (that cost a fortune- but she's worth more than that). She's a "knockout" and I am proud of her. Pretty sure that event will be cool....we'll see. Maybe I will post pics of her if I have the brains to remember.
I really appreciate all of you- I know I have bigger problems to solve. But life goes on.
Love to all
Dub
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Old 04-17-2010, 04:29 PM
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Hey Dub. I think its' all been said, more than once, on more than one occasion. I hope you get enough and take decisive action about your alcoholism and, beyond that, your life. There is another well worn saying: "If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always got. If you want something different, you've got to do something different."

Hand in there man. Keep coming back!

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Old 04-17-2010, 05:21 PM
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I can relate to feeling crazy. to feeling different than the rest of the world for me. When I'm in the thick of "crazy", as I call it for me, it's hard to change my thinking...but I try to remember that it is just my thoughts and that I simply ain't crazy, but i just feel crazy. it helps to connect here online, and it helps me even more to connect with someone in my life: a friend or a stranger. it helps when I go to a meeting. It helps when I can get interested in 'doing something' that has value to me.

good luck to ya dub
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Old 04-17-2010, 05:35 PM
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I hope you will post some pictures, Dub. Please be careful, though - I've read about Klonopin & as Fandy said, it can be very dangerous, especially if you're still drinking. (Not trying to give medical advice, but I'm worried for you.)

Glad you came here to talk about things.
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Old 04-17-2010, 06:00 PM
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I know about some "crazy." I was "crazy." As in, I kept seeing horrible things happen because of my drinking, yet I kept doing the exact thing that was causing these problems. Would a sane, normal person do that? No, they would cut out the activity that was causing issues. Would a "crazy" person keep doing the same thing and expecting something different to happen? Yep, sure would.

That's me. Crazy as it gets. But, funny enough, when I stopped drinking and started taking positive steps toward a new me and a new life, the "crazy" kinda went away.
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Old 04-18-2010, 05:37 AM
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Dub, I'm sorry that you're still struggling. Anxiety was THE main issue with my drinking. I felt like my whole world was crashing down and my mind was racing with all kinds of weird thoughts. It got so bad that I finally had to go to the ER. My doctor prescribed some anti-anxiety medication (with STRICT instructions not to drink while on it), which helped me through the first few weeks. After that, I didn't need the medication anymore. In fact, I never knew how good life can be fully sober. I was a weekly binge drinker for 20 years and a daily drinker for 10 years...I figure if I can get and stay sober, ANYBODY can! You can do this, Dub, just keep trying
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Old 04-18-2010, 06:28 AM
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Dub, do you have good health insurance? And if you do, is it through your job? There is this thing called a Mental Health and Substance Disorder Parity Act where your health insurance through your job is to cover that, it's the law as of April 5th, that I know of.

Whatever your deductible is, that is what you would pay, and your insurance would cover your detox, and the provider/rehab would be able to get your inpatient, outpatient covered as well.

I don't know if you can talk to anyone in your HR Dept. if you have one at work, but it would be a good place to start. Because of the parity act, the insurance must cover mental health and substance abuse just as medical attention you'd seek for cancer, diabetes or surgical procedures.
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Old 04-18-2010, 06:36 AM
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Which I also meant to add, that if they are required to cover that, I would HOPE that talking to someone in HR you would be able to let them know that you need help and they can reassure your position at work. You may miss up to a month of work, but most rehabs have night IOP for people who have jobs to go to during the day.

This is your life Dub. As much as your daughter deserves the dress you got her, she deserves a dad too.
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