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Anyone have trouble getting support from friend and family..

Old 04-05-2010, 04:21 PM
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Anyone have trouble getting support from friend and family..

when they first started getting sober? or have a hard time with them not understanding what you are going thru?
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Old 04-05-2010, 04:28 PM
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My family still don't get it sobertimeforme - I 'blew my drinking way out of proportion', I'm 'overdramatic' and 'should just not drink so much'.

It's not so bad as they live in other towns now and I don't see them very often...but when I did, I relied on the support I got here.

Others use the support of AA or some other recovery programme in the same way...

The support of family friends and loved ones would be nice...but it's not always there.

D
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Old 04-05-2010, 04:43 PM
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Thanky you D. I also want to Thank you for all of your support since I have been on this forum. You have helped me tremendously!
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Old 04-05-2010, 04:49 PM
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oh, thanks mate - it's a great place, isn't it?

D
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Old 04-05-2010, 04:58 PM
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Yes, absolutely! I had promised to stop and failed numerous times so they had pretty much given up on me. When I finally did stop, I was totally on my own. My family did want me to get better, but they didn't want any part of my recovery at all. The thing is, it's really hard for people who are not addicts to understand what we go through. That's one of the big reasons for coming here, but we 'get it'.
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Old 04-05-2010, 05:01 PM
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Hi Sobertime,

I hear you. It hurts when the people you're closest to don't acknowledge what you're going through and how hard it is. But then, if they don't have a problem with alcohol, how could they understand the struggle? Yes, in concept, but if they don't have the cravings, the anxiety, the feelings of hopelessness ....

I get more support from people who've walked my path. I'm newly sober -- six months on Sunday -- and I'm just now starting to feel as if things could be leveling out a bit. A couple of weeks ago, when I last started feeling like nobody cared about me, I picked up the phone and called someone I knew was hurting. I might not get the support I'd like from my family or friends, but I sure as heck can support someone else the way I'd like to be.

Post/Read here often. People are great about helping.
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Old 04-05-2010, 05:07 PM
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congrats on yr 6 months Ddog

D
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Old 04-05-2010, 05:12 PM
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I was blessed as the only people who knew it were my family and they were very supportive. However, I see a great counselor once a week and she would be enough support for me even if my family were not. So I often rely on her to vent so i don't 'bug' my family with my tales of woe.

It's easier done with support, I think, but still do-able without it. AA and other programs also help provide support and information and solutions, as does counseling/therapy. I hope whatever means you choose, you can get and stay sober. It's so rewarding to live sober. No more wasted money and time and lives.
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Old 04-05-2010, 05:20 PM
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Congrats on your six months! That is so great. I pray for that day
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Old 04-05-2010, 06:01 PM
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Welcome to SR!

My family didn't think I had a problem....after all, who would they drink with if I got sober?

Only a few family members don't drink (at big gatherings)...I tend to hang with them, now. And, I like it!
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Old 04-05-2010, 06:59 PM
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This is something that concerns me but I think I am understanding now. To me my wife is more important to me than alcohol but how can she understand my feelings. Also after breaking so many promisies I have to do this myself. Maybe it's tough love? If I knew she would always be there picking up the pieces I don't think I would try and stop, she would enable me.
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Old 04-05-2010, 07:29 PM
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I have the opposite of support in my home. Husband and son making sarcastic comments about how I'm no fun and get over it. They lost a drinking buddy and are feeling defensive about their own consumption. I'm living with it. Staying busy with my own stuff. No feeling bad, physically or emotionally... that's what I wanted. Day 36!
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Old 04-05-2010, 07:35 PM
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Keep at it NellieM. My wife hardly drinks, a glass of wine is enough for her, in fact her face flushes red if she drinks to much (about 2drinks for her)
A friend of mine stopped drinking about 2years ago and it was hard for him as we all felt we had lost a drinking buddy and he really had to stop as he was going to die pretty much if he continued.
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Old 04-05-2010, 07:42 PM
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I think family members go through so many emotions when they watch the person they love destroy themselves. Its kind of like watching the one you love driving down the highway at 200klms an hour, they are swerving all over the road and not knowing if they are going to hit the next tree or not. The only way I can explain it.
Whilst I am a drinker, I still function daily but watching my sister kill herself with alcohol is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Going through all the ups and downs, the rehabs, the hospitals, stopping her from trying to hurt her kids, watching her body go down hill and especially her life.
I tried to stay focussed on having the faith that she would somehow come back to earth, I was always there supporting her (and by the way this took alot of research and being in here) to do it.
She too thought no one cared about her, didnt support her, help her but in her kind of mental capabilities over the years - she focussed on all her negatives and couldnt just see that we just wanted her better. Thats all family want really and when it gets to the point of despair, helplessness for us, we too go in hiding. Its not that we dont want to be there supporting, some of us just dont know how to do it anymore.
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Old 04-05-2010, 07:50 PM
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I am happy for you 36 day and you have plenty of support on SR
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Old 04-05-2010, 07:57 PM
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My children are very supportive but drinking friends are not...there is so much denial out there...or misunderstanding of true addiction... distancing myself for a while to find out who my real friends are!
I tell myself that this is my own journey not my friends, and the best thing i can do for the world at large is to stay sober!
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Old 04-05-2010, 10:24 PM
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I am "sort of" getting support from the boys... now that they all know I am sober, they are not talking about it, but they are watching me in silence... sort of like they used to when I was drunk. I know they are happy and that is the best feeling for me, finally doing something for them that really makes them happy.

I have my brother, 6 hours time difference from me, but that will all be over when I go to visit for 2 months from Tomorrow!!! yea!!!! He will be my rock. I really have to consider myself lucky.
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Old 04-06-2010, 09:32 AM
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Hi there!!
Well my family has been a huge support, they knew along time ago that I shouldn't drink, so they are all for it... My husband is too, but I think he misses his "drinking buddy" to some degree...but at the same time loves that I am sober....
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Old 04-06-2010, 09:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Sobertimeforme View Post
when they first started getting sober? or have a hard time with them not understanding what you are going thru?
I remember talking with a friend when I first got sober. She absolutely could not get her head around the idea of why I had continued to drink after all the horrendous consequences I had put myself and my family through. She just couldn't understand.

She couldn't understand the irrationality of it. That's because alcoholism goes beyond reason. Any sane person, who had the ability or willpower, would absolutely quit drinking after the things we do to ourselves and others we supposedly care about. It's the nature of alcoholism, though. We keep drinking in spite of those things.

What I learned, and it's really an AA idea of humility and personal responsibility, is that my family and friends don't have to understand. They don't have the problem. I do. What gives me the right to demand their support and understanding? Alcoholism is my problem, not theirs. They just want me to be happy and sober, and stop abusing them.

M demand for their acceptance, support, and understanding is another form of my selfishness. Instead of continuing that demand, sobriety for me meant repairing the damage I'd done. It meant being of useful service to them instead of demanding more from them.
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Old 04-06-2010, 10:03 AM
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Thumbs up

Originally Posted by keithj View Post
What I learned, and it's really an AA idea of humility and personal responsibility, is that my family and friends don't have to understand. They don't have the problem. I do. What gives me the right to demand their support and understanding? Alcoholism is my problem, not theirs. They just want me to be happy and sober, and stop abusing them.

My demand for their acceptance, support, and understanding is another form of my selfishness. Instead of continuing that demand, sobriety for me meant repairing the damage I'd done. It meant being of useful service to them instead of demanding more from them.
Right on keithj
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