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Now What?

Old 04-03-2010, 06:08 AM
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Unhappy Now What?

On Wednesday I went to my therapist appointment. I hadn't seen her since I quit drinking (by then it had been 15 days). I was having a bit of a time catching my breath on the way there..a mild panick attack. When she asked me why, I couldn't tell her, I didn't know, but I wanted a drink.

She seemed to be of the mind that its my OCD kicking in. That first it was my job (I thought that was the reason for my attacks) and now she said I'm focusing on the fact that I'm an alcoholic when in fact I'm probably not.

So she told me to relax about it, buy a bottle of wine this weekend but make it last the entire weekend. Just one glass a night and that's all and see what happens. So, like an idiot, I did because i wanted it.

Here how it went:

I finished painting my daughters room yesterday and opened the fridge to a cold beer staring me in the face. I shut the door and went to take a shower. After getting dressed and back downstairs I grab the beer without even thining about it and drank it in 10 mins. So far I broke 2 promises. I was drinking beer (fully intending on still having the wine), and I was drinking alone as my kids and husband were off down the street with the other husbands and kids.

Then I started dinner which I had planned for days. (Quite the meal I must say)..Opened the wine, already knowing I wasn't going to stop at 1, but I planned on stopping at 2 so I had some left for Sunday dinner. So I drank the ones slowly and finished dinner, still no husband or kids..I looked down the street and I couldn't see them. Then I was mad. He knew I was making dinner. Finally, I poured my 2nd glass sat down and ate by myself.

When they got back I was finished and their meal was cold and I was furious. So what did I do? I got up to clean up and topped up my glass. My husband said nothing, no apology, nothing..So I finished cleaning up, finished the glass and gave myself another 1/2 glass.

My husband finally apologized with prompting. I expressed my diappointment in myself on not following through with the drinking plan and he said, "Yes, but I made you mad." But, that's the point isn't it? Should I be able to get mad without reaching for a drink? Would I have drank it anyway if I hadn't been mad?

I also drank it in front of my kids (another promise I made that I broke)

This morning I have a headache and 1/4 of a bottle of wine left, plus a room that needs a 2nd coat of paint. I think I may throw it out so I don't have access later.

Now I think my therapist is a quack and I only wanted to believe she was right because I wanted those drinks...Ah, hell..what a stupid mistake!!...I gave up 17 days soberity on a experiment...I'm so angry in more ways then one. Why can't I just have one? And if I'm an alcoholic am I also a foodoholic too? Cause I do the same things with food?...The labels are driving me crazy.
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Old 04-03-2010, 06:31 AM
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Well, he sounds like he is interviewing for the position of enabler by saying he made you angry. If we drank every time we had an emotion that wasn't to our liking, we'd be alcoholics.

And I think your therapist is a complete tool, but that's just my opinion showing through. What a daft _______.

Well, if you want to start again, just start again.
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Old 04-03-2010, 06:32 AM
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I meant start quitting, not drinking.
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Old 04-03-2010, 06:43 AM
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Time for a new therapist, IMHO. Or maybe no therapist at all.
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Old 04-03-2010, 06:55 AM
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If you want to quit drinking, I would strongly advice an addictions and alcohol abuse therapist because thier advice would never be: "have some wine".

I have an alcohol addiction therapist and from the start it was understood my goal was complete sobriety. Never once has she suggested drinking in any way, shape or form!

Lots of us have additional issues. I am a shopoholic.
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Old 04-03-2010, 07:08 AM
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Definitely time to get a new therapist.

I think you need someone who, though he/she may not be an addiction specialist, at least understands that alcoholics cannot drink.
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Old 04-03-2010, 07:26 AM
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Charlotte
Tomorrow is another day. Start again and be kind to yourself. When you get to 15 days again it will be onward and upward for you from where you left off. Maybe find another therapist. My therapist believes me having any alcohol is non-negotiable. She's even said I shouldn't think of drinking alcohol-free beer! And littlefish is right: an addiction specialist would NEVER suggest you try scaling down.

Take care
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Old 04-03-2010, 07:43 AM
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Your therapist knows that you think you're alcoholic and still suggests drinking??:wtf2 Time for a new therapist indeed! And if you want to start sobriety all over, start now.
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Old 04-03-2010, 08:16 AM
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I went to a therapist when i was early twenties, i knew i had a drinking problem even back then...he suggested i start smoking pot lol

I went to another one and he said he didn't mind treating me whilst i was drinking, even though i went to him for drinking...

My best one was 5 months with one on antabuse and anti depressants, coming off both meds and the counselor i was seeing telling me that i must be relieved i now have control and can relax and have a nice cold beer...it was summer!

Anyways i found a really good CBT one, when i wasn't actually looking for one it wwas a docs referral, who i still see as well as AA...i was very lucky finding him...he's a recovered addict himself of 20 plus years (told me after about 15 sessions), i know that has a lot to do with it:-)
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Old 04-03-2010, 04:07 PM
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I'm gonna go with the consensus Charlotte - find a new therapist, one well versed in addiction issues.

Personally my trust would be broken, but you could also find an addiction counsellor as well I guess and stick to non alcohol related matters with this one if you have a long relationship.

That was some pretty ill-considered advice and you're lucky really it didn't end up with worse results.

D
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Old 04-03-2010, 05:26 PM
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I've made an appointment for a place in our community called Adapt, but I couldn't get in for another two weeks. Hopefully they will have therapist there.
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Old 04-03-2010, 05:37 PM
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Charlotte, I am sorry for your pain. It's astonishing the attitude that some doctors/therapists have towards alcohol. I went to a doctor looking for help quitting (hoping to get something for my nerves). He said to just limit myself to a 6 pack a day. He also said, "Why do you drink so much - trouble at home?" What?! Needless to say I never went back there - but look at the damage that could've been caused if I'd listened to him. I was sitting there, sick and shaking, and that was his advice?

I'm glad you made arrangements to seek other help. Also, glad you came here to tell about this experience. Every time I began to panic, I'd come here and be set straight. This place has saved my life. I'm hoping you'll find comfort here too, and the courage to continue reaching for a new life for yourself & your family. We're with you all the way.
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Old 04-03-2010, 06:07 PM
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Charlette.....
Do you know you are an alcoholic?
I sure did....regardless of anyones opinion.

However...it was my psychiatrist that suggested AA.
I comnected there....needed no more psychiatrist
so he lost a client....

Blessings to you and your family
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Old 04-04-2010, 12:07 AM
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Charlotte, a learning experience indeed. Sorry that it went this way. I had a primary care physician that said stuff like this to me. I also had a therapist, an addiction therapist for teens at a rehab when not doing his own individual counselling, that told me that I obviously was not an alcoholic because I was the only person in his many years of counselling that ever told him up front that they abused alcohol but knew that it really only exacerbated my problems. He said that since I knew this, I therefore was not alcoholic. "Hmmmm", I thought..... I knew I was an alcoholic, but I guess if my counsellor thought I was ok....well, then.....I guess it's ok to keep drinking. At least that was where I was at then...a couple of years ago.

Finally I stopped seeing him. Because the alcoholic thinking brain was letting me keep drinking. But the other part...the one that knew better finally had enough and saught other help. I was done. One day I was just done. And I decided to follow my inner compass and saught a different addiction counsellor and found this place too. And both have helped a LOT.... And I hear about AA philosophies on here and it is making more sense as far as total recovery and not just sobriety...the working a program of some sort to get to a true recovery. I am glad to hear that you are looking to find someone who will truly help you in your efforts. This can be done. Starting right now to stop drinking again is a good place to begin. I wish you well Charlotte.
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