I can't just stand here and let her die.

Old 03-19-2010, 08:03 PM
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Unhappy I can't just stand here and let her die.

I didn't know who to turn to, so I went to google and typed in "my sister is an alcoholic." The first link brought me to this forum. Here's hoping that someone can give me advice regarding my big sister... Hopefully, without crushing my hope that we can save her before it's too late.

I would be so happy with my life... I am so pleased with my life choices and my family and my career. But it kills me inside to watch my sister destroy herself. She is only two years older than me (she is 28) and she is absolutely beautiful... Perfect figure, gorgeous eyes, impeccable style. She has an amazing personality. She can light up a room with her smile and her laughter. She is throwing it all away because of alcohol.

My sister drinks every day. I cannot think of the last time she has stayed sober for a whole day. She drinks at work. She drinks at home. She drinks when she's driving. She used to drink around her daughter, my niece. She has screamed at, cussed at, and shaken her daughter in fits of drunken rage. Finally, DFS came and took my niece away. She lives with her ex-husband's parents now. We used to get to see her until her husband divorced her. Now we never get to see her. His family hates our family because of my sister's disease. She cheated on him at least a dozen times, with teenage boys even, contracting a couple of STDs along the way and passing them on to her husband. I guess that was the last straw.

It started out as a "drinking problem." Now I am certain the she is an alcoholic, as well as... and it pains me very much to say it... suicidal. Her alcoholism has caused so many problems in her life which in turn have caused her to be severely depressed. During the last few visits I have had with her, she tells me that she wishes she were dead. She tells me that she wants to just "take a bunch of pills and never wake up" ... I think I can feel my heart shattering into little pieces as I write this. If she would just stop drinking, I know her life would improve and she wouldn't want to die.

I've read a lot of the other posts and I understand that alcoholism can be cured by only one person: the alcoholic. When he or she chooses to make a change. No matter how I approach her, she refuses to make the change. There must be something else I can do. Anything. Commit her to a psychiatric institution? Some kind of intervention? Anything? I refuse to give up on her, no matter how dire the situation. It's not too late. I have lost my aunt to suicide and my boyfriend has lost his brother to suicide, and both of them had very similar substance abuse stories to my sister's. There must be something I can do. ...I can't just stand here and let her die.
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Old 03-19-2010, 08:14 PM
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I've read a lot of the other posts and I understand that alcoholism can be cured by only one person: the alcoholic. When he or she chooses to make a change. No matter how I approach her, she refuses to make the change.

Unfortunately, that's it in a nutshell. Until your sister chooses to get help, there's nothing you can do for her. It sucks, I know, but it is what it is.

There are people here who have lost husbands, wives, sons, daughters, brothers and sisters to alcoholism. They didn't love their addicts any less than you love your sister. The simple fact is, no one can force anyone to get treatment. Your sister is an adult and she has the right to live her life however she wants. You can't help her, but you don't have to stand there and watch.

Keep reading and try posting on our Friends and Family forum. You will get responses from many people who have been exactly where you are right now. Welcome to SR. (((HUGS)))

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 03-19-2010, 08:27 PM
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Hi PixieChixie

As an alcoholic myself I totally agree with Suki....but as someone who's loved alcoholics, I know how hard it is to hear what we're saying.

I really recommend our Family and Friends forums - you'll find a lot of help encouragement and support there, and in this forum too.

Welcome - and don't forget to look after yourself
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Old 03-19-2010, 08:48 PM
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I have been a part in one intervention (15 years before I became a candidate for one myself) and it worked. There was a recent thread on this topic. I would not do this without a professional. Even then if she does not want help she won't get sober.

Good luck and keep posting.

Edited, here is the thread I mentioned:
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Old 03-20-2010, 09:16 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm very sorry for your situation.

I am so glad that your neice was taken away from her mother and that she is safe.

I think an intervention is a possibility. I agree it should be done with a professional involved, and maybe talking to your dr would be a good place to start. Even with an intervention, your sister is going to need a lot of motivation to stop drinking and recover.
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Old 03-20-2010, 09:47 AM
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Hello and welcome
I came here three years ago, desperately looking for some way to save my daughter and this place and Al-Anon helped me to learn everything that I could about this disease...where I could help and where I couldn't; and that I couldn't love her into sobriety ....

I learned how to take care of me through the pain of loving an alcoholic and where my boundaries needed to be by spending time in the Families Forums and at Al-Alanon, a face to face support group; for anyone who loves an alcoholic.

This is a blessed place, lots of experience, strength, and hope....hugs
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Old 03-20-2010, 08:13 PM
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same planet...different world
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Hi pixie - how's it goin today?

Welcome to SR!!!
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Old 03-20-2010, 09:07 PM
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With professional help it is possible to do an intervention with your loved one. Even tho I had my family do an intervention on me without professional help, it did help me break out of my denial, thus causing me to seek inpatient rehab. But I'm more inclined to suggest professional moderation with regards to doing an intervention.

Its true one cant make an addict change there ways. Still having a family get together and agree that they will no enable the addict is a powerful stance for the healing of those affected by a family members addiction.
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