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New to the site, but not to recovery.

Old 03-19-2010, 09:00 AM
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New to the site, but not to recovery.

Hi everyone, I'm Chazz44. Thank God for this site!

I'm a recovering substance abuser, primarily heroin. I've been clean for 22 years. I'm a grateful member of the 12 Step Community - it's the bedrock of my life and recovery. I stay struggling with ACOA and co-dependency issues.

I'm in the process of working the Steps. It's something I do on a routine basis. I'm the kind of person who needs to keep it "fresh" lest I forget that my "disease" is always strategizing to kill me. This time around, I'm exploring my tendency to become involved in dead end relationships - something I know challenges my sobriety and my sanity.

A year ago in May, I discovered that my, then, lover had tapped out my credit cards to the tune of $23,000+. Among other things, she had stolen my identity. I discovered this accidentally while refinancing my mortgage when I received a standard credit report. I had no idea at all - she was pilfering my mail and conducting transactions on the internet. Within 3 days, she and the child we had co-parented for 6 years, vanished. She with the police on her heels (she had also been kiting checks all over town), our child dumped on her abusive bio father. I haven't heard from, or seen, either one of them since. Not even so much as a text message. It was like the earth opened up and swallowed my family before my eyes. Then, there was the matter of all that debt. I almost lost my house, not to mention my will to go on.

It's been a haul. I would not be limping through any of it without my 12 Step Community. I've begun dating again, and you guessed it, I'm involved with a woman with all sorts of "issues" and no "program". I'm emotionally backing out of the relationship, but it's difficult because when we're good, we're excellent. These days I'm attempting to stay focused on my "program", specifically, why my "love" relationships seem to replicate my alcoholic family dynamics.

There's this woman walking down the street, she sees a hole, she falls in - again and again. Jeeze it get's old.

Anyway, enough with the WHA, WHAs.... I'm looking forward to being a member of this site and getting and giving whatever support I can. Thank you for being here.
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Old 03-19-2010, 09:07 AM
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Welcome to the site.


Sorry about your problems
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Old 03-19-2010, 09:37 AM
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Chazz44 welcome to SR, congrats on 22 years!!

I really enjoyed your post, you see I learned from it, I learned that my sponsor & the old timers are right when they say that no matter how long they have been clean & sober they still need to work thier program & continue to grow.
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Old 03-19-2010, 09:54 AM
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Thank you, Tazman53, CAPTAINZING2000, all..... Greetings to you, too.


Yes Tazman 53, recovery IS a lifelong process and thank You, Higher Power, for that. What's the alternative, shuffling from one interpersonal train wreck to the next? One "fix" to the next? I've done that to "perfection".... Now, I'm back to focusing on the really challenging stuff - i.e. living one day at a time with my skin, sobriety and sanity in tack. Which is my way of saying: Life has given me a dose of reality and humility and I aim to utilize it to the fullest.
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Old 03-19-2010, 10:28 AM
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Hi Chazz, Welcome!

I hope you can eventually straighten out your money and identity theft problems, hopefully with the help of the police.

Have you considered hiring a private detective to help find your daughter? Or have you tried searching for her online, maybe Myspace? I hope you find peace.
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:42 PM
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Hi Anna

Yes, I have been in touch with the police. She skipped out of NY state with scaddy-eight collection agencies on her tail, and my attorney. But, you can't get blood from a stone, so....

As to the police.... They are considering it a "domestic dispute" - i.e. a civil case. Apparently if you live with someone for six months, it's considered a "domestic partnership". Who knew?!?!? This begs the question: Why are gays and lesbians (me) banging our heads against the wall trying to get domestic partnership benes if the state already considers us "domestic partners"?

As to our "daughter", she's back with her homophobic father who I have a lifetime Order of Protection against. I'm hoping she will contact me on her own when she's old enough to navigate such things. At least that's the hope I'm clinging to at the moment. In the meantime, I'm keeping my eyes directed forward rather than backward.

One day at a time, one day at a time................
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Old 03-19-2010, 01:04 PM
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hello there chazz,and welcome to sr!
this really is a great place
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Old 03-19-2010, 01:21 PM
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Sorry for your troubles Chazz, but welcome to SR

D
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Old 03-19-2010, 02:05 PM
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Thank you Charmie and Dee74. Nice to make your acquaintance.

I'm doing well - I'm on the mend. The thing about living hard for a number of years is that you can turn it around and fashion it into resilience - with a lotta help from my 12 Step buds, that is.
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:14 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
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Hi Chaz and welcome.

That must be really tough being separated from the child you had helped to bring up.......sometimes all we can do is put our trust in God.

Good to see you posting here.
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Chazz44 View Post
Hi everyone, I'm Chazz44. Thank God for this site!

I'm a recovering substance abuser, primarily heroin. I've been clean for 22 years. I'm a grateful member of the 12 Step Community - it's the bedrock of my life and recovery. I stay struggling with ACOA and co-dependency issues.

I'm in the process of working the Steps. It's something I do on a routine basis. I'm the kind of person who needs to keep it "fresh" lest I forget that my "disease" is always strategizing to kill me. This time around, I'm exploring my tendency to become involved in dead end relationships - something I know challenges my sobriety and my sanity.

A year ago in May, I discovered that my, then, lover had tapped out my credit cards to the tune of $23,000+. Among other things, she had stolen my identity. I discovered this accidentally while refinancing my mortgage when I received a standard credit report. I had no idea at all - she was pilfering my mail and conducting transactions on the internet. Within 3 days, she and the child we had co-parented for 6 years, vanished. She with the police on her heels (she had also been kiting checks all over town), our child dumped on her abusive bio father. I haven't heard from, or seen, either one of them since. Not even so much as a text message. It was like the earth opened up and swallowed my family before my eyes. Then, there was the matter of all that debt. I almost lost my house, not to mention my will to go on.

It's been a haul. I would not be limping through any of it without my 12 Step Community. I've begun dating again, and you guessed it, I'm involved with a woman with all sorts of "issues" and no "program". I'm emotionally backing out of the relationship, but it's difficult because when we're good, we're excellent. These days I'm attempting to stay focused on my "program", specifically, why my "love" relationships seem to replicate my alcoholic family dynamics.

There's this woman walking down the street, she sees a hole, she falls in - again and again. Jeeze it get's old.

Anyway, enough with the WHA, WHAs.... I'm looking forward to being a member of this site and getting and giving whatever support I can. Thank you for being here.
this is quite the story.

very cool you didn't pick up
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