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Old 02-28-2010, 12:05 PM
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hi

HI am Serenityriver and i am an alcoholic and drug abuser as i have smoked weed and nicotine cigarettes
I have been clean from alcohol since the 1st of January 2010 and weed since july 2009 but still smoke nicotine cigarettes my last one was about half an hour ago

The reason i joined here was to get some support as am starting so see an old friend but he drinks but i have told him that i dont drink now because of medical problems the thing am worried about this that he will start talking about the old days were i was drinking everyday and that he will expect me to start drinking again like i use to
My husband says that i dont have to drink if my friend is drinking
but i dont want him to see me as boring and not as fun with out a drink

Serenityriver
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Old 02-28-2010, 12:11 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you are seeking support. Good for you on your sober time!

For me, your situation would be an easy one. I wouldn't go out with someone who I thought would pressure me to drink. It wouldn't be worth the stress involved.
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Old 02-28-2010, 12:38 PM
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Hey!

If quitting smoking isn't causing you anymore anxiety than just getting sober. More power to you! I couldn't do it at the time because it would have been too much of a change.

One thing, and it may be nothing, is that the post seemingly is based on your drinking buddy? Hmmm...

"but i dont want him to see me as boring and not as fun with out a drink "

Would you feel the same way if this friend was a woman? I'm not saying much of anything there other than wanted you to look at it from another prespective. He's a man, you're a married woman. We need to keep those kinds of friendships in check now and again. They need a review.

Okay, so a true friend doesn't have those kinds of issues. A true friend enjoys you for who you are. Regardless if you are the life of the party or not. They just simply enjoy your company.
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Old 02-28-2010, 01:14 PM
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Welcome! Glad you are here. I agree with Anna. I wouldn't be hanging around someone that was putting my sobriety at risk by pressuring/expecting me to drink with them. I have been around people that were drinking--like at dinner or at a wedding etc, but I don't go if the main focus is all about drinking--like at a house party or night out with the guys/gals at the bar. I don't think I have a reason to be there--other than to get wasted. It's my choice to not go there. I had to separate myself from certain people and places--especially in early sobriety. Saying "no" wasn't very easy at first but it did get easier with time. After awhile those people quit asking me to go and hang out with them. You are not alone. Keep reaching out to others for support. We do recover.
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Old 02-28-2010, 01:29 PM
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Hi serenityriver

Welcome.

I let peer pressure keep me drinking for many years. Looking at it now I can't quite believe it really, but drinking was the common bond in the social circle I had then.
I had to step outside that circle for my own good

We're adults and we're allowed to do as we wish - especially when the choices we've made are healthy ones for us.

If he pressures you to drink, and if he finds you boring - he's simply not a true friend, in my opinion.

If, on the other hand, the pressures coming from within you - you might want to think about that too. You'll find a lot of support and ideas here

D
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Old 02-28-2010, 01:32 PM
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Welcome Serenityriver. I totally get your post and I do know when I first became sober I felt pretty inadequate as a human being. As I gained more time and had time to really dig deep, I noticed I was a much better person sober then when I drank. When I drank I would eventually become argumentative or I would take things the wrong way. I like myself a whole lot better as a sober being then the opposite. It is a journey and it doesn't happen overnight. We spent much of our lives in that haze and viewing life was definitely distorted in my opinion. Give it time friend. xxx
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