Insights and Reflections from Dub- if you have time.....
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
Insights and Reflections from Dub- if you have time.....
Well I woke up at 4 as usual this morning and having my OJ (no alcohol in case you are wondering), and just wanted to reflect on the disease I have and share. For those that don't know me, I am a struggling alcoholic, kicked everything else a long time ago- couple of relapses on the other things but alcohol is my wall to break down, I dont crave any drugs ever- so that is under control in my mind. Now to the reflections:
1- I saw my daughter play her last high school basketball game last night- she has a 3.8 GPA and a scholarship to her colllege. (she is captain of cheer team and an amazing gymnast- we have a great relationship and I see a lot of me in her- however she gets completely pissed about any intoxicants and is as straight as you can get). I love her so much. She is beautiful.
2- I have a great job that pays well, and I am pretty good at it. However alcohol has had an effect on my work early in the day, even the amount I am driniking (now- it is 4-6 a day, beer, I dont drink liquor- dont like the taste- know thats weird for most).
3- I am addicted to alcohol- with the beer, I could drink 1000 if I didnt work every waking minute.
4- I love life and the beauty of the world, birds waking up at 5am, sunsets, the smell of natural beauty. I even like storms..they are beautiful if you ever see a big one.
5- Just wanted to say that, I sometimes wonder why I don't look at the great things I already have, and just quit this crap.....
Well I am going in full force this week, and detoxing, so just getting some things out of my head.
Love you all-
Dub
1- I saw my daughter play her last high school basketball game last night- she has a 3.8 GPA and a scholarship to her colllege. (she is captain of cheer team and an amazing gymnast- we have a great relationship and I see a lot of me in her- however she gets completely pissed about any intoxicants and is as straight as you can get). I love her so much. She is beautiful.
2- I have a great job that pays well, and I am pretty good at it. However alcohol has had an effect on my work early in the day, even the amount I am driniking (now- it is 4-6 a day, beer, I dont drink liquor- dont like the taste- know thats weird for most).
3- I am addicted to alcohol- with the beer, I could drink 1000 if I didnt work every waking minute.
4- I love life and the beauty of the world, birds waking up at 5am, sunsets, the smell of natural beauty. I even like storms..they are beautiful if you ever see a big one.
5- Just wanted to say that, I sometimes wonder why I don't look at the great things I already have, and just quit this crap.....
Well I am going in full force this week, and detoxing, so just getting some things out of my head.
Love you all-
Dub
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Sounds like you are seeing life with clearer eyes now. That's great, and something I can totally relate to. I spent the last 20 years viewing the world through a green haze of pot. Nothing excited me, but now it's like the whole world is in Technicolor. Glad you are doing better. Take care!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
[QUOTE=tyler;2528503]Sounds like you are seeing life with clearer eyes now. That's great, and something I can totally relate to. I spent the last 20 years viewing the world through a green haze of pot. Nothing excited me, but now it's like the whole world is in Technicolor. Glad you are doing better. Take care!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
You are detoxing this week? Do you have medical help or someone close to call for medical help if you need it? I wish you a safe and successful detox. After you detox, do you have a plan to stay sober? Wishing you the best.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by dedubya 
5- Just wanted to say that, I sometimes wonder why I don't look at the great things I already have, and just quit this crap.....
Dub
Dub
When I finally realised that, I was able to surrender to the fact that I am powerless over alcohol and then I found that the relief that I felt after that surrender was worth far more than all the answers and good feelings that I sought with the alcohol.
The 12 step program of AA removed my obession to drink alcohol.
If you can't find your answers, Dub, I hope you can surrender instead.
Take care with your detox.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
(((dubs))))
This deserves more than I have time for just now, but it's great that you're waking up with gratitude in your heart! I'll write more when I have some time but did want to stop by and let you know I'm here for support.
So, I'll be back once I get my day under control!
Much love to you!
Lenina
This deserves more than I have time for just now, but it's great that you're waking up with gratitude in your heart! I'll write more when I have some time but did want to stop by and let you know I'm here for support.
So, I'll be back once I get my day under control!
Much love to you!
Lenina
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
I'm excited for you and hope you'll be safe as you detox. It sounds like you're ready, and tired of the same old game. A new life awaits you, Dub - no more anxiety, remorse, or fear of the future. You can do this.
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