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Insights and Reflections from Dub- if you have time.....

Old 02-27-2010, 05:48 AM
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Insights and Reflections from Dub- if you have time.....

Well I woke up at 4 as usual this morning and having my OJ (no alcohol in case you are wondering), and just wanted to reflect on the disease I have and share. For those that don't know me, I am a struggling alcoholic, kicked everything else a long time ago- couple of relapses on the other things but alcohol is my wall to break down, I dont crave any drugs ever- so that is under control in my mind. Now to the reflections:
1- I saw my daughter play her last high school basketball game last night- she has a 3.8 GPA and a scholarship to her colllege. (she is captain of cheer team and an amazing gymnast- we have a great relationship and I see a lot of me in her- however she gets completely pissed about any intoxicants and is as straight as you can get). I love her so much. She is beautiful.
2- I have a great job that pays well, and I am pretty good at it. However alcohol has had an effect on my work early in the day, even the amount I am driniking (now- it is 4-6 a day, beer, I dont drink liquor- dont like the taste- know thats weird for most).
3- I am addicted to alcohol- with the beer, I could drink 1000 if I didnt work every waking minute.
4- I love life and the beauty of the world, birds waking up at 5am, sunsets, the smell of natural beauty. I even like storms..they are beautiful if you ever see a big one.
5- Just wanted to say that, I sometimes wonder why I don't look at the great things I already have, and just quit this crap.....

Well I am going in full force this week, and detoxing, so just getting some things out of my head.
Love you all-
Dub
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Old 02-27-2010, 05:55 AM
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Sounds like you are seeing life with clearer eyes now. That's great, and something I can totally relate to. I spent the last 20 years viewing the world through a green haze of pot. Nothing excited me, but now it's like the whole world is in Technicolor. Glad you are doing better. Take care!!
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Old 02-27-2010, 07:03 AM
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[QUOTE=tyler;2528503]Sounds like you are seeing life with clearer eyes now. That's great, and something I can totally relate to. I spent the last 20 years viewing the world through a green haze of pot. Nothing excited me, but now it's like the whole world is in Technicolor. Glad you are doing better. Take care!![/QU

Thanks
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Old 02-27-2010, 07:24 AM
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congrats on your decision! i saw everything through an alcoholic haze almost every night for 25 years...the last 12 days for me, the big picture gets a bit more HD clear every day.

you cherish that relationship with your daughter and cultivate it...she will be so proud of you too.
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Old 02-27-2010, 07:35 AM
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thanks
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Old 02-27-2010, 10:23 AM
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You are detoxing this week? Do you have medical help or someone close to call for medical help if you need it? I wish you a safe and successful detox. After you detox, do you have a plan to stay sober? Wishing you the best.
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Old 02-27-2010, 11:33 AM
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Hope you can find what you're looking for Dub.

Peace And Love man x
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Old 02-27-2010, 01:24 PM
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Originally Posted by dedubya View Post
5- Just wanted to say that, I sometimes wonder why I don't look at the great things I already have, and just quit this crap.....
Dub
After a long time of searching for the answer to this question, I found that it was just a fact that I couldn't give up even though I had a beautiful young child who relied on me to take care of him.

When I finally realised that, I was able to surrender to the fact that I am powerless over alcohol and then I found that the relief that I felt after that surrender was worth far more than all the answers and good feelings that I sought with the alcohol.

The 12 step program of AA removed my obession to drink alcohol.

If you can't find your answers, Dub, I hope you can surrender instead.

Take care with your detox.
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Old 02-27-2010, 03:30 PM
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(((dubs))))

This deserves more than I have time for just now, but it's great that you're waking up with gratitude in your heart! I'll write more when I have some time but did want to stop by and let you know I'm here for support.

So, I'll be back once I get my day under control!

Much love to you!

Lenina
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Old 02-27-2010, 03:32 PM
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Hope you're going with a supervised detox Dub.
Good luck - keep us updated

D
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Old 02-27-2010, 05:03 PM
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I'm excited for you and hope you'll be safe as you detox. It sounds like you're ready, and tired of the same old game. A new life awaits you, Dub - no more anxiety, remorse, or fear of the future. You can do this.
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Old 02-27-2010, 06:25 PM
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Stay in touch.
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Old 02-27-2010, 10:06 PM
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..I know,that you know....

..Hope it goes well..I love a *fighter*...Ozy
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