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Losing my mind

Old 02-11-2010, 03:27 PM
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Angry Losing my mind

I am am addict and have been this way as far back as I care to remember.I have no idea who I am anymore and im tired of chasing.I've use opiates for the past three years and two of those I spent in line at the methadone clinic.Methadone made me a zombie but I didn't feel the urge to use anything else and that was ok for a while.I finally quit the clinic 6 weeks ago and a week after started taking adderall for the withdrawal,huge mistake!Now I've created a different monster.I am loosing my mind trying to figure out how to surrender and want to move on but I am so angry I can't see anything but the negative.I am married for now with a beautiful daughter and I don't know why that's not enough?I would rather die than put my family thru anymore pain so I am reaching for a solution or some hope that I can get clean and feel true happiness again.Thanks
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Old 02-11-2010, 03:35 PM
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Adderall brought me to my knees, in combination with alcohol. The only thing that has worked for me is AA.
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Old 02-11-2010, 03:42 PM
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Welcome to SR electriciandude.

I spent years trying to work out how to surrender...the only way, really, is to just jump off and do it.

Have you tried a recovery programme or anything like that yet?

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Old 02-11-2010, 03:47 PM
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I have no experience with drugs but those who post on the substance abuse forum do, and would be glad to share their knowledge and experience. Please take a look. Welcome to SR!


Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 02-11-2010, 03:50 PM
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Hi and welcome and thanks for sharing with us,

NA has the same solution as AA but for addicts. It's got to be worth a try rather that put your family through that pain again, as you say.

You will meet people there who know exactly what you are going through right now. You will find friendship, love and support and be shown a way to live free from the drugs.

I do hope you can find yourself a program of recovery. Recovering from addiction on your own is very hard, usually impossible for most.
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Old 02-11-2010, 03:55 PM
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I apperciate the quick response and know this is where I need to be.I have only gotten clean when a judge or p.o has threatened to lock me up so I would fake it till I'll made it.I am a very selfish person I've finally admitted and my back is against the wall now so my first reaction is fear of trying to to succeed and falling short once again letting everyone down.I went to a couple meetings last week and just listened and it was good to hear that I wasn't alone but I was on adderall and felt like a hipocrit.sorry for ramblin just overwhelmed!thanks
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Old 02-11-2010, 03:57 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

You are definitely not alone, and there is lots of support here.
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Old 02-11-2010, 04:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Electriciandude View Post
I apperciate the quick response and know this is where I need to be.I have only gotten clean when a judge or p.o has threatened to lock me up so I would fake it till I'll made it.I am a very selfish person I've finally admitted and my back is against the wall now so my first reaction is fear of trying to to succeed and falling short once again letting everyone down.I went to a couple meetings last week and just listened and it was good to hear that I wasn't alone but I was on adderall and felt like a hipocrit.sorry for ramblin just overwhelmed!thanks
I went to meetings all tweaked out on the stuff until quitting for good. Not fun. But you're making an effort, and you're not alone!
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Old 02-11-2010, 04:05 PM
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Meet us over at the substance abuse forum. And don't leave!!! I joined a couple of years ago, but only got serious a couple of weeks ago. The more I posted, the better I felt, the stronger I got. I swear!
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Old 02-11-2010, 05:37 PM
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For me I think it's the withdrawals from the pills that has made me depressed and feel
like i'm losing my mind.I just keep reminding myself that I am cutting back and will soon be off them and then the big battle starts with my drinking.
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