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A shift

Old 02-11-2010, 09:39 AM
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A shift

I have been spending more and more of my SR time in the Friends and Family posts. The folks there are so articulate in describing their own response to a loved one's alcoholism/addiction. They post about disappointment, failures, struggles, how they internalize someone else's addiction. They talk of destruction, death, mourning, picking up their children after a spouse's rampage. It is so raw and so real and I can't don't ever ever want to cause that in my family.

This has caused a shift in my focus from myself, my body, my sobriety, to how addiction effects those I love. It breaks my heart that there are adult children still struggling with understanding how their parent could choose alcohol/drugs instead of them. They struggle to understand their dead parent's addiction, they struggle for the meaning of it all.

I have over two months sober and feel a shift in my understanding of 'truth' regarding addiction. My family is counting on me to remember them and remember that my addiction work is for them too. It will be the difference between life or death for me and health and future for us all.

I will end with a paraphrased statement I found in F and F - Listening to her slur when she is drunk is like listening to her die.

So sad

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Old 02-11-2010, 10:55 AM
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My drinking was like dropping a pebble in a pool.......the ripples went on forever..causing waves of pain to people close to me and beyond.

Never again do i want to inflict that level of mental torment on my loved ones.

my first step four was like swallowing razor blades.........it brought it into the direct focus you talk about........turning away from "me" and looking outward for the first time in years.

whirlwinds...........for sure.

do you know what?.........youve reminded me........just what a wonderful beautiful person my wife is.........and how lucky i am to still have her.

thanks.
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Old 02-11-2010, 11:10 AM
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Psalm 118:24
 
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It's eye opening to read what people write in there.
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Old 02-11-2010, 11:44 AM
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Addiction is a family disease, affecting not just the addict but those around them. Thanks for an important reminder of a healthy perspective: to focus on being a better dad/mom/sister/brother/friend. I was selfish enough when drinking to think it was only affecting me - how short-sighted I was! Now my 'vision' is a lot better and clearer and lets me see how much damage I did and how much more damage I would do by picking up again.
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Old 02-11-2010, 12:36 PM
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Thank you for sharing this insight. It is so true and so often so overlooked. Its a rotten thing to be an alcoholic and yet, its even more rotten to be in love with one. I am very blessed to have a very supportive and understanding husband, but I almost drove him away. I was so close.
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Old 02-11-2010, 01:19 PM
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Thank you all for your feedback.

Trucker - I am in that razor swallowing time right now. It may sound strange but I am filled with gratitude, humility and hope everytime I get that feeling. I am so thankful to be alive in body and soul.

Cap2000 - The posters on SR have taught me so much.

Least - As always I identify with you, I cannot envision me drinking again because my vision of myself has changed so much.

Horselover - I was also changing the relationship with my husband as I changed my relationship with alcohol. Alcohol was beginning to demand time, demand health, demand passion, demand secrecy.

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Old 02-11-2010, 01:27 PM
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Psalm 118:24
 
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I can go into either meeting and have earned a seat. Two years ago, I had 3 kids without their D.L. My son just got his second DUI. There's not too much I can do to stop him from making his bad decisions of drinking. I can't badger him into stopping his drinking.

Last time, he was in Afghanistan while his lic. was suspended. This time, depending on how this plays out in court, he might be walking for a while. He's scheduled to go to Egypt with his unit so, he might get it postponed until, he gets back. All I can do is lead by example ands pray for the best..
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Old 02-11-2010, 09:57 PM
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I am one of the Friends and Family. The great thing here is that we have a chance to see all sides of addiction. We have the opportunity to understand, learn and gain compassion for each other.
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Old 02-11-2010, 10:31 PM
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I think part of my rock bottom was the second to the last time I was drunk during one of my binging nights and I had to ask my 17 year old brother to pick me up. smart to get a ride but he didn't need to be exposed to that...
I have all types of drinkers in my family, but my brother is so much younger that he hasn't really been around or exposed to the affects of drinking..
This made me think...when you mentioned reading in the friends and family section. Thank you
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Old 02-11-2010, 11:27 PM
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Spiritual Seeker - and isn't that mutual understanding a powerful gift? Sometimes I think that a one tiny step back or a tiny step sideways can offer us such an enormous change in perspective. The posting in F and F has changed me and consequently changed MY family. Thank you for sharing.

Freespirit78 - there is the potential for change in seeing things from another's perspective. So glad that you see it.


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Old 02-12-2010, 07:37 AM
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I think, we can help each other in the F&F. We can get more insight of what, we put our family through. We can also explain to people on there what goes on in our mind. We can also tell them when, they're being bull sh1ted by a family member.
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Old 02-12-2010, 08:00 AM
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Nothing rational goes on in my mind when I drink. I make poor dumb decisions that I wouldn't make if I were sober.
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