A shift
I have been spending more and more of my SR time in the Friends and Family posts. The folks there are so articulate in describing their own response to a loved one's alcoholism/addiction. They post about disappointment, failures, struggles, how they internalize someone else's addiction. They talk of destruction, death, mourning, picking up their children after a spouse's rampage. It is so raw and so real and I can't don't ever ever want to cause that in my family.
This has caused a shift in my focus from myself, my body, my sobriety, to how addiction effects those I love. It breaks my heart that there are adult children still struggling with understanding how their parent could choose alcohol/drugs instead of them. They struggle to understand their dead parent's addiction, they struggle for the meaning of it all.
I have over two months sober and feel a shift in my understanding of 'truth' regarding addiction. My family is counting on me to remember them and remember that my addiction work is for them too. It will be the difference between life or death for me and health and future for us all.
I will end with a paraphrased statement I found in F and F - Listening to her slur when she is drunk is like listening to her die.
So sad
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