Notices do I get out again?

Old 02-08-2010, 03:22 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 37 do I get out again?

So I made my first real attempt at quitting opiates on Dec 5 of last year. Made it 22 days completely sober until I relapsed on Dec 27. I believe the cause of my relapse was that I made a deal with myself that I would be clean for a month, then after that month was over I could decide from there where I wanted to go. Somehow this evolved into "be clean for a month, then you can do all the opiates you want". Once I got to day 22, I figured I was "close enough" and started using again.

I have tried to keep my use somewhat under control and I only use about 4 days a week. In the in between days I get physical w/d but it is minimal so I've justified it to myself that it's "worth it" to keep this cycle up while the w/d isn't so bad. Fortunately, I know exactly where this type of thinking leads and it's not a place I want to be.

So now here I am, back on day 2 of no opiates. I say no opiates instead of sobriety because to be honest I have not been sober. Last night I smoked some marijuana, took 1mg xanax, and drank a few beers to help with sleep and combat w/ds. Today I've had a little mj and I feel more or less okay just kind of tired and blah. I know I've only got a few more days of physical w/d but for me it's the damn mental cravings that get me. I know I should be completely sober but honestly during the physical w/d the mj and xanax just make it a lot more bearable and I can live my life more or less normally.

I guess the question here is what do I need to do to get away from opiates again? I suppose the answer will be similar to last time, just learn from my mistakes, but at the moment I'm just feeling really insecure about it all and I'm worried I won't be able to stop until something really bad happens to me. So far I haven't had many major negative consequences from opiates so it's easy to just keep going.
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Old 02-08-2010, 03:44 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Scottdale, PA
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First of all I would suggest, if you truelly want to be cleamn and sober, you must set higher goals for yourself. 1 month is such a short goal to set with any kind of addiction. (in my opinion)

Im sure you know this but please please please be careful with the other drugs to help your w/d symptoms. You do not want to fall into trading one addiction for another. You will just set yourself up for a letdown.

My bf is a recovering opiate addict. I am a firm believer in you have to WANT to quit 100% or it just wont happen. He went to rehab wanting to quit. he left rehab after a week but so far has stayed away from the opiates. He is 25 days clean today. Look at it this way, if you continue to use you will just use more and more and more and then you will run into trouble in one way or another. Please be safe and understand you are much better than the drugs you use, you do not deserve to have a substance run your life. Keep coming back!
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Old 02-08-2010, 03:47 PM
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I dunno skroom

I know I couldn't quit until I really wanted to - ambivalence always translated in to yes for me....and I couldn't quit until I gave up *everything*.

My problem wasn't my drug of choice - my problem was me wanting to get high, and not face reality - until I faced that, I got nowhere.

If you want to get serious about it, I'd recommend a recovery programme. Here's a whole lot of links

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Old 02-08-2010, 04:57 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

For me, I had to change everything, in order to stay sober.

I had to reconnect to my spiritual self, I had to exercise every day and I had to work on staying positive mentally, every day. I had to change my daily routines and plan to be busy at times when I would normally be drinking. I had to remove some people from my life.

Take a look around and make yourself comfortable.
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Old 02-08-2010, 05:37 PM
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bona fido dog-lover
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how do I get out again?

You get out again by wanting out, by doing whatever it takes to keep from using. Have you asked a doctor for help getting off opiates? Have you thought about going to NA meetings for help and support? How badly do you want to be clean?? When you want to be clean more than you want to use, then you'll be able to get and stay clean.

I wish you the best.
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Old 02-08-2010, 06:20 PM
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Whats up skroom, about 2 years ago I was in the round-a-bout that you seem to be going through at the moment. Also a fellow opiate addict (Switched from oxy//roxi to Heroin in my 3rd year of addiction because the pills just werent getting me high anymore)

I tried for a good year and a half to find that magic formula that consisted of casual use of opiates but not consistent enough to develop a physical dependence. Let me just save you the trouble .... IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. There is no such thing as a casual opiate user (heroin or rx pain meds). THey just do not exist.

Your mind will come up with any excuse or justification to tell you so that you continue to use. I had no serious negative consequences (no diseases, no arrest record, no debt) Im an intelligent guy who graduated college with a bachelors in finance, decent looking, great family and friends..etc etc. All these things fed my addiction B I G TIME.

For me it came down to the simple realization that, no matter how good the euphoria dope provided me with, it wasnt greater than the amount I could and would lose if I continued down that path. I started with a personal therapist who specialized in substance abuse. I remember on the first day I saw him he asked me to explain a typical day for him and all the things I did during it. After finishing, he showed me that in one way or another every single thing I did related in some way back to drugs. My life was 100% drugs. We then continued to work week in and out on restoring my life with healthy activities and people.

That combined with strong support from my family and friends was exactly what I needed to give me a fighting chance to beat this addiction. Before doing that...I didn't even have a slight chance at sobriety, it was just a matter of time before I relapsed.

Being that you are only on day 2 opiate free I would suggest that you just calm down and focus on detox. Make small goals for yourself during withdrawal. I would make checklists of things I wanted to do during the 7-10 days I would be detoxing. For example : 1.) Take a shower 2.) Take a walk around the block 3.) Have a pleasant conversation with a family member. I know they sound ridiculous and demeaning but it really did help during that time. Also keep posting on this site!!! So many people with long term recovery on here that have so much knowledge and experience when it comes to addiction.

Hope to hear from you soon. any questions or things you want to talk about , feel free to ask me. I've been through the dark horrors of opiate addiction and made it to the other side ~~ Scott
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Old 02-09-2010, 06:01 AM
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dopeless hope fiend
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It's really simple. The only thing you have to change is everything.
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Old 02-09-2010, 06:05 AM
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maybe the xanax combined with alcohol are downers/depressants that would disable any positive thinking about sobriety. ???
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